Random mumbling of a Shadow
today felt like... being a puppet master... only one that was all too well aware that he had his own strings being pulled.
there was a time when that would have irked me, that i wasn't the master of my own will, of my decisions, that someone else was actually making use of the freedom that i had worked so hard for. it doesn't anymore though. i've seen too often that the people manipulating me were one's that i thought i could control, or ones that i thought cared too much to steal my precious freedom... these days i dont even want to see who's pulling the strings. i can only hope that they know what the hell their doing.
other than poorly thought out overly melodramatic prose... my life's been simple enough, and not too terribly hard on my old self either. ally is again one of my best friends... wich some people would find strange, especially since i haven't known her for long, and i'm not inclined to be a trusting individual as a rule, but for some reason i know perfectly well that she wouldnt hurt me even if it would benefit her... and, interestingly enough, i think she knows that she could. she realizes that i dont have any walls up against her, because i need a friend that i can trust... and so i guess we understand each other, we're in a friendship dictated by the fact that our personalities wouldn't let it be any other way. mine forbids me to be totally alone, and hers wont allow her to take advantage of someone who has trusted her so entirely. it's a good feeling knowing that there's someone that you can trust.
anyone who really knows me would be screaming at me, what about cam, and laurel, and tim, and joe, and josh... and in their own right they'd have a point. i do trust all of them with my life, but for some reason they all keep me distant, whether by their own choice, or by their personality. i think cam would understand when i say that while he is to me what brandon was to him, (a best friend, but one that was always a bit erratic, and too full of suprises to depend on completely) there is ally, who to me is like gerald was to him. they are both completely and entirely dependable trustworthy and trusting individuals, and it's not because they haven't been tested, but simply because they dont have it in them to be any other way.
i miss gerald.. he was one of cam's best friends, and i would be honored to call him a friend as well, but these days he's off in the army doing intell work... a few FBI people interviewed cam about what gerald was like, because gerald listed him as one of the people that knew him best.. cam of course gave them a glowing report, mostly because he'd be lying if he didn't, gerald was kind of like a demi-god to all of us, and i dont think that anyone that ever knew him could honestly say that they aren't sad too see him gone, but proud to see him doing something that he would be proud of himself.
then there's brandon, he's off to the army as well, although he was always a bit volitile, so i dont know how well he'll be suited to the counter intell work that he wanted to do when he originally signed up, but i suppose he'll find his place.....
i dont know why i'm so down right now, i guess it's just natural... i dont really mind it that much, to me it feels like it's just a time for some quiet reflection of what all i've lost, even when i tried to think of ally, one of my best friends, i couldn't help but compare her to people that are gone or leaving... but then again, it would be hard for me not to.. most of my friends that i really care about are just that, either gone or leaving.
gerald, brandon, cam, joe schills, joe mac, steph, all off to the military. tim, josh, catrina, jeremy, seth, malani, beth, dusty, all of them are still in lebanon... a town that i left over two and a half years ago.
my only friends left are the few that i've made that are actually my own age, which kinda hurts, cause it leaves me very lonely. i generally bond with people older than me, because they understand me, and i understand them, yet they are too old to be bouncing around like irritating preps, and i'm too young not too think of new things to keep them on their feet. but lately, it's been just me... ally has been as good a friend as anyone could want, and lacey is always there in her good natured half witted way, amber loves me and cares for me like few others in the world, but still.. to be able to say that you have a grand total of six friends, and that half of them are only on the net... is somewhat a sad thing to admit to.
bah, enough of that, enough of self pity. other than think today i've been working on the play and my homework, the school work has been easy, but i'm still recovering from being sick, so it taxes me none the less. the play is Dancing at Lughnassa, a good old irish bit, with a good part of comedy, but a sartlingly hard streak of reality in it. shakespeare would have been proud i'm sure. at any rate, it's a good show, and to see our actors take to it as they have has been encouraging. after rehearsal today i worked with dev getting the lighting from the last play unset, so that we can use the stuff for the next one... it should be great, i wish i could tell you all about it. eh, what the hell, i will.
to give you an idea of the characters, i'll just describe the people playing them, because they are often enough one and the same. Michael is played by one of my few friends, a boy named Sjon Grover... strange name, stranger fellow, but he's full of humor and remorse for the world as it is, which is perfect for michael since he's looking back on a childhood that was none too kind to him or his family. he narrates the play, with everything a memory or his, oftentimes not him speaking, but simply leading into a scene where the rest take the stage.
The mother of Michael, Chrissy, is played by one of my aquaintences, Jessical Cooper, aka, Coop. she's absolutely beautiful, but if you didn't know her, you'd assume that she was a tease and a tramp... in reality, that's about what her character is, a bit of a tease, not particularly bright, or strong in morals, but a kind enough person, just a little selfish is all. Jessica in reality is a gentle kind person that i've never known to be selfish in the least, but i suppose i give her a lot of credit.. after all, she is one of my actresses.
Chrissy has four sisters that live with her, the first of which is Agnes, an adorable, cute, thoughtful, kind woman of about thirty years, although she thinks of herself as having aged a bit, she's actually very pretty, and where you might call Coop sexy, Ally, the girl playing Agnes, would be more on the side of beautiful, she has a sort of soft glow to her where Coop is all hard edges. but that's her character, soft, loving, kind, and loved in return, it's hard for anyone to stay mad at agnes, because she doesn't really give them cause.
next comes Rose, or Rosie, played by dev, rose is supposed to be a bit simple, not completely retarded, but still not all there. all of the sisters look out for her, but Agnes with her kind ways falls naturally into the role of her special protector, they all love her, but Agnes feels that it's her responsibility to make sure she's treated kindly, since the others tend twards being either thoughtless or harsh at times. Rosie is in love with a boy named dany bradly, who is never shown as a character, but is made mention of enough that he seems to be developed without ever actually being there. Chrissy thinks he's a bit of a bastard for courting Rosie, and most of the others are inclined to agree, but Agnes seems to think that perhaps he really does care for Rose, maybe because she does so much. at any rate, the sisters often fight about the young bradly, with Rose and Agnes defending him to some degree, and Chrissy and Kate berating him as far as possible.
Kate, the fourth of the sisters, is a very strict christian school teacher that has a strong sense of morals and propriety.. humorously enough, she's played by a cold, withdrawn, respectable, aloof, intelligent girl named mariah. mariah is hard to get to know, and for some even harder to get to like, but once you get past her high walls, and past her faith in what her mother has taught her, she's a very bright, interesting, funny, and overall enjoyable young woman... but to most people, she really is nothing different from the part that they see her playing as Kate, a strict christian woman.
Lastly among the sisters, yet in no way least, comes Maggie. Maggie is your favorite aunt, the one that always drank a bit at all the wrong times, and couldn't resist with a bit of humor whenever things were getting a bit dry. if you ever had an aunt that always made an attempt to make you laugh with her jokes, but more often made you laugh at her joking.. that's Maggie. Maggie gets played by Alex, the daughter of the director, and a very light hearted, soft, gentle girl. her humor might be a bit rough, as are her manners, but you'd be hard pressed to find someone that would speak ill of her, especially to her face.
along with the sisters and the son, we have Uncle Jack, who was a priest that had gone to Uganda to minister to a leper colony there, in hopes that he could heal them both in body and soul, or at least make their last days peacefull deliveries to the heavens above. Uncle jack however, ended up being more transformed there than transforming, he began to understand, and at times agree with the tribal living that was found there, and after twenty five years of nothing else, he was sent home by the priesthood, due most likely to the fact that he was no longer effective in preaching to the lepers when he agreed with their pegan rituals. When we see father jack, he is but a shambles of himself, still adjusting to speaking english, as well as living it, and trying to shake a case of malaria that he got when he was comming back. throughout the story he slowely strengthens, ending as a whole healed man once again, but in one of the narrative monolouges, Michael explains that scarcely a year after his return, he was to die from a heart attack. Jack is played by a young man named Ryan, who while a bit new, has done a lot of work since the begginning of last year, and has easily earned his place among the other actors of the play. he's a bit shy, but dependable, honest, and thoughtfull, not to mention able to take a joke, even though it might at times be at his own expense.
last among the lists in the cast is Gery evans, Michael's father. Michael was raised by his mother and his aunts, but his father does manage to stop in from time to time, although not much more than once a year or so. it's not so much that he never means well and doesn't choose to see his son, as that he is always wandering around the country side, never sure where he'll end up next, or what he'll be doing. he has a strong feeling of wander lust, a desire to be away from what he knows to find something new, and then to come back and embelish it all.. which he indeed does. the play sees him in and out a few times, both times courting Chrissy again, not simply to bed her, but to marry. Sadly, it wasn't to be, Chrissy is to heartbroken from the many times he's left, and knows that he can no more keep himself from wandering all over the country than he can try to stop breathing... you can for a minute, but in the end something more powerful inside you wins, and your resolve suddenly doesn't matter. that's how it is with him, he resolves to stay, to marry, to be a good father, but within a few weeks he's gone again in search of something strange and new. Gery Evans is played by Ben, who hasn't, to my knowledge, ever played a role significantly different from this one. Ben always has played the studs, the guy who has the girl, even if he has to give her up, the man that for some reason the girls are foolishly attracted to. that's ben's characters, although not really ben at all. Ben is another kind hearted boy, who although he hasn't really grown up and decided what he wants to do with himself, is still good natured, and even more light hearted... some might mistake his light heartedness for light headedness, but ben is smarter then they all think he is... although even i am sometimes forced to wonder by how much.
i guess that's it though, that's the characters of the play, and maybe now when i talk about how rehearsals are going, you'll have a bit more of a feel for who and what i'm talking about... perhaps not, but at the very least i've enjoyed the telling of it. at any rate, i'm going to leave, and again recede into the mounds of paper that are steadily piling up for me to work on for school. fare well who ever you are, and thank you for listening.
there was a time when that would have irked me, that i wasn't the master of my own will, of my decisions, that someone else was actually making use of the freedom that i had worked so hard for. it doesn't anymore though. i've seen too often that the people manipulating me were one's that i thought i could control, or ones that i thought cared too much to steal my precious freedom... these days i dont even want to see who's pulling the strings. i can only hope that they know what the hell their doing.
other than poorly thought out overly melodramatic prose... my life's been simple enough, and not too terribly hard on my old self either. ally is again one of my best friends... wich some people would find strange, especially since i haven't known her for long, and i'm not inclined to be a trusting individual as a rule, but for some reason i know perfectly well that she wouldnt hurt me even if it would benefit her... and, interestingly enough, i think she knows that she could. she realizes that i dont have any walls up against her, because i need a friend that i can trust... and so i guess we understand each other, we're in a friendship dictated by the fact that our personalities wouldn't let it be any other way. mine forbids me to be totally alone, and hers wont allow her to take advantage of someone who has trusted her so entirely. it's a good feeling knowing that there's someone that you can trust.
anyone who really knows me would be screaming at me, what about cam, and laurel, and tim, and joe, and josh... and in their own right they'd have a point. i do trust all of them with my life, but for some reason they all keep me distant, whether by their own choice, or by their personality. i think cam would understand when i say that while he is to me what brandon was to him, (a best friend, but one that was always a bit erratic, and too full of suprises to depend on completely) there is ally, who to me is like gerald was to him. they are both completely and entirely dependable trustworthy and trusting individuals, and it's not because they haven't been tested, but simply because they dont have it in them to be any other way.
i miss gerald.. he was one of cam's best friends, and i would be honored to call him a friend as well, but these days he's off in the army doing intell work... a few FBI people interviewed cam about what gerald was like, because gerald listed him as one of the people that knew him best.. cam of course gave them a glowing report, mostly because he'd be lying if he didn't, gerald was kind of like a demi-god to all of us, and i dont think that anyone that ever knew him could honestly say that they aren't sad too see him gone, but proud to see him doing something that he would be proud of himself.
then there's brandon, he's off to the army as well, although he was always a bit volitile, so i dont know how well he'll be suited to the counter intell work that he wanted to do when he originally signed up, but i suppose he'll find his place.....
i dont know why i'm so down right now, i guess it's just natural... i dont really mind it that much, to me it feels like it's just a time for some quiet reflection of what all i've lost, even when i tried to think of ally, one of my best friends, i couldn't help but compare her to people that are gone or leaving... but then again, it would be hard for me not to.. most of my friends that i really care about are just that, either gone or leaving.
gerald, brandon, cam, joe schills, joe mac, steph, all off to the military. tim, josh, catrina, jeremy, seth, malani, beth, dusty, all of them are still in lebanon... a town that i left over two and a half years ago.
my only friends left are the few that i've made that are actually my own age, which kinda hurts, cause it leaves me very lonely. i generally bond with people older than me, because they understand me, and i understand them, yet they are too old to be bouncing around like irritating preps, and i'm too young not too think of new things to keep them on their feet. but lately, it's been just me... ally has been as good a friend as anyone could want, and lacey is always there in her good natured half witted way, amber loves me and cares for me like few others in the world, but still.. to be able to say that you have a grand total of six friends, and that half of them are only on the net... is somewhat a sad thing to admit to.
bah, enough of that, enough of self pity. other than think today i've been working on the play and my homework, the school work has been easy, but i'm still recovering from being sick, so it taxes me none the less. the play is Dancing at Lughnassa, a good old irish bit, with a good part of comedy, but a sartlingly hard streak of reality in it. shakespeare would have been proud i'm sure. at any rate, it's a good show, and to see our actors take to it as they have has been encouraging. after rehearsal today i worked with dev getting the lighting from the last play unset, so that we can use the stuff for the next one... it should be great, i wish i could tell you all about it. eh, what the hell, i will.
to give you an idea of the characters, i'll just describe the people playing them, because they are often enough one and the same. Michael is played by one of my few friends, a boy named Sjon Grover... strange name, stranger fellow, but he's full of humor and remorse for the world as it is, which is perfect for michael since he's looking back on a childhood that was none too kind to him or his family. he narrates the play, with everything a memory or his, oftentimes not him speaking, but simply leading into a scene where the rest take the stage.
The mother of Michael, Chrissy, is played by one of my aquaintences, Jessical Cooper, aka, Coop. she's absolutely beautiful, but if you didn't know her, you'd assume that she was a tease and a tramp... in reality, that's about what her character is, a bit of a tease, not particularly bright, or strong in morals, but a kind enough person, just a little selfish is all. Jessica in reality is a gentle kind person that i've never known to be selfish in the least, but i suppose i give her a lot of credit.. after all, she is one of my actresses.
Chrissy has four sisters that live with her, the first of which is Agnes, an adorable, cute, thoughtful, kind woman of about thirty years, although she thinks of herself as having aged a bit, she's actually very pretty, and where you might call Coop sexy, Ally, the girl playing Agnes, would be more on the side of beautiful, she has a sort of soft glow to her where Coop is all hard edges. but that's her character, soft, loving, kind, and loved in return, it's hard for anyone to stay mad at agnes, because she doesn't really give them cause.
next comes Rose, or Rosie, played by dev, rose is supposed to be a bit simple, not completely retarded, but still not all there. all of the sisters look out for her, but Agnes with her kind ways falls naturally into the role of her special protector, they all love her, but Agnes feels that it's her responsibility to make sure she's treated kindly, since the others tend twards being either thoughtless or harsh at times. Rosie is in love with a boy named dany bradly, who is never shown as a character, but is made mention of enough that he seems to be developed without ever actually being there. Chrissy thinks he's a bit of a bastard for courting Rosie, and most of the others are inclined to agree, but Agnes seems to think that perhaps he really does care for Rose, maybe because she does so much. at any rate, the sisters often fight about the young bradly, with Rose and Agnes defending him to some degree, and Chrissy and Kate berating him as far as possible.
Kate, the fourth of the sisters, is a very strict christian school teacher that has a strong sense of morals and propriety.. humorously enough, she's played by a cold, withdrawn, respectable, aloof, intelligent girl named mariah. mariah is hard to get to know, and for some even harder to get to like, but once you get past her high walls, and past her faith in what her mother has taught her, she's a very bright, interesting, funny, and overall enjoyable young woman... but to most people, she really is nothing different from the part that they see her playing as Kate, a strict christian woman.
Lastly among the sisters, yet in no way least, comes Maggie. Maggie is your favorite aunt, the one that always drank a bit at all the wrong times, and couldn't resist with a bit of humor whenever things were getting a bit dry. if you ever had an aunt that always made an attempt to make you laugh with her jokes, but more often made you laugh at her joking.. that's Maggie. Maggie gets played by Alex, the daughter of the director, and a very light hearted, soft, gentle girl. her humor might be a bit rough, as are her manners, but you'd be hard pressed to find someone that would speak ill of her, especially to her face.
along with the sisters and the son, we have Uncle Jack, who was a priest that had gone to Uganda to minister to a leper colony there, in hopes that he could heal them both in body and soul, or at least make their last days peacefull deliveries to the heavens above. Uncle jack however, ended up being more transformed there than transforming, he began to understand, and at times agree with the tribal living that was found there, and after twenty five years of nothing else, he was sent home by the priesthood, due most likely to the fact that he was no longer effective in preaching to the lepers when he agreed with their pegan rituals. When we see father jack, he is but a shambles of himself, still adjusting to speaking english, as well as living it, and trying to shake a case of malaria that he got when he was comming back. throughout the story he slowely strengthens, ending as a whole healed man once again, but in one of the narrative monolouges, Michael explains that scarcely a year after his return, he was to die from a heart attack. Jack is played by a young man named Ryan, who while a bit new, has done a lot of work since the begginning of last year, and has easily earned his place among the other actors of the play. he's a bit shy, but dependable, honest, and thoughtfull, not to mention able to take a joke, even though it might at times be at his own expense.
last among the lists in the cast is Gery evans, Michael's father. Michael was raised by his mother and his aunts, but his father does manage to stop in from time to time, although not much more than once a year or so. it's not so much that he never means well and doesn't choose to see his son, as that he is always wandering around the country side, never sure where he'll end up next, or what he'll be doing. he has a strong feeling of wander lust, a desire to be away from what he knows to find something new, and then to come back and embelish it all.. which he indeed does. the play sees him in and out a few times, both times courting Chrissy again, not simply to bed her, but to marry. Sadly, it wasn't to be, Chrissy is to heartbroken from the many times he's left, and knows that he can no more keep himself from wandering all over the country than he can try to stop breathing... you can for a minute, but in the end something more powerful inside you wins, and your resolve suddenly doesn't matter. that's how it is with him, he resolves to stay, to marry, to be a good father, but within a few weeks he's gone again in search of something strange and new. Gery Evans is played by Ben, who hasn't, to my knowledge, ever played a role significantly different from this one. Ben always has played the studs, the guy who has the girl, even if he has to give her up, the man that for some reason the girls are foolishly attracted to. that's ben's characters, although not really ben at all. Ben is another kind hearted boy, who although he hasn't really grown up and decided what he wants to do with himself, is still good natured, and even more light hearted... some might mistake his light heartedness for light headedness, but ben is smarter then they all think he is... although even i am sometimes forced to wonder by how much.
i guess that's it though, that's the characters of the play, and maybe now when i talk about how rehearsals are going, you'll have a bit more of a feel for who and what i'm talking about... perhaps not, but at the very least i've enjoyed the telling of it. at any rate, i'm going to leave, and again recede into the mounds of paper that are steadily piling up for me to work on for school. fare well who ever you are, and thank you for listening.