if i go there will be double
Given my current situation I have an urge to reach out and meet new people, to have a social life that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol. I've met a few people online that I thought might be good candidates for attempting the transition from e-friend to the real deal, and the one I was most interested in has a similar background, is in a similar position with the ex, is funny in a cute sort of naive way, and emotive. We'd talked about setting something up, dinner or whatever.
Then she called me drunk the other night and I had to deal with her blathering on about how she was at the bar and hitting on a guy who wasn't interested in her so her self-esteem had taken a hit and that all she wanted was sex, and I, being available, quickly became the next target. She begged me to come over, promising me a good time, and I declined saying that I wasn't in to having casual sex, that I have an alternate agenda that would be tainted by having sex with any one that isn't the target of my affection. She pushed and pushed and I kept talking her out of it until she finally said "will you at least get me off over the phone." I said I had to go.
The next day she called me and said that she was sorry if she was a handful the night before, that she doesn't normally drink that much, but that she didn't regret trying because she thinks she knows me well enough based on what - a profile, some phone conversations, my writing, and a few bad photographs - that we'd "click."
I don't want to "click." Now I have to keep her at a safe distance because she's dangerous to me, to my agenda, to the master plan, to my future. I'm not good at letting someone down gently but I've tried to explain that I'm heading in a specific direction and right now that's all I'm concerned about. She tried to talk me out of it, but I held my ground, my convictions, because I have hope and that drives me.
So now we're back to saying "hi" on IM and that's about it. Problem solved? Hopefully..
Then she called me drunk the other night and I had to deal with her blathering on about how she was at the bar and hitting on a guy who wasn't interested in her so her self-esteem had taken a hit and that all she wanted was sex, and I, being available, quickly became the next target. She begged me to come over, promising me a good time, and I declined saying that I wasn't in to having casual sex, that I have an alternate agenda that would be tainted by having sex with any one that isn't the target of my affection. She pushed and pushed and I kept talking her out of it until she finally said "will you at least get me off over the phone." I said I had to go.
The next day she called me and said that she was sorry if she was a handful the night before, that she doesn't normally drink that much, but that she didn't regret trying because she thinks she knows me well enough based on what - a profile, some phone conversations, my writing, and a few bad photographs - that we'd "click."
I don't want to "click." Now I have to keep her at a safe distance because she's dangerous to me, to my agenda, to the master plan, to my future. I'm not good at letting someone down gently but I've tried to explain that I'm heading in a specific direction and right now that's all I'm concerned about. She tried to talk me out of it, but I held my ground, my convictions, because I have hope and that drives me.
So now we're back to saying "hi" on IM and that's about it. Problem solved? Hopefully..