It's all the same today
I haven't been here in a while, so I'll attempt to keep this brief.
I have a job. It's waiting tables again, but after the despair that was a fruitless, three month long job search, I'm pretty fucking okay with it. I like it a lot more than any other service industry job I've had already. To give you a more descriptive anecdote, my trainer, or whatever, the other night, was this Guy named Demetrios, who talks too much and is going to school to be an engineer. Halfway through the wildly successful evening shift, I found out that he was in fact from Katy, Texas, no shit, and graduated a year earlier than me. Stupid as it may sound, I can't quite articulate the calming relief there is in hearing someone else confidently say, I'm from where you're from, and I'm happy doing what you're doing. However, I foresee much more smoking at this place and I guess all around for now.
Perhaps the hardest thing to do at this point will be to remain focused on looking for a "real job." I know that Trudy's does not count. For me or any other cheery judgmental peer out there. I will say two things on this subject. One, I am terrified about having a schedule opposite of everyone I know, and yet, I know darn well, as I say it for the millionth time, that I desperately need some new people in my life. Regardless, it's not easy and I don't particularly enjoy fucking with my sleep schedule on a regular basis. It can't be easy to make friends only after midnight. Or-- it's only too easy. Second, I have recently received a plethora of unsolicited advice. I think that my interesting circumstances arouse the desire in other people to tell me what I should or should not do. That's all fine and dandy, but I think I've safely overcome the hurdle of listening to anyone and everyone. I will wait tables, I will probably have a lot of fun, I might make a bunch of money (relatively speaking, I get that,) I'll see everyone when I can, and mostly, I'll worry about my own damn self. Such and so on.
If I was to make a resolution... it would probably be to attempt not wanting everything I currently desire. And keep reading like a fiend, my favorite accomplishment since the move. For me, there are usually two tiers of things I want/need. The first level isn't so hard to attain, one thing at a time, and has recently been comprised of things like seeing a few people every week, trying to enjoy living alone, eat healthy, learn french, read more and watch better films. Most of these I've had the luxury of attempting. Then there's the bigger shit, like find a socially acceptable job, rely on my parents less, monetarily and emotionally, fall in love, be a kinder friend, blah blah blah, roll out the stereotypes. But I think I'd be better off if I could just try to reverse it all. Be a jerk when I need to, make money however I want, love my parents too much, enjoy hanging out with myself and my friends more than bland dates and mild affections. Perhaps my real resolution then is to embrace the crazy with a side of grown up strength. Not easy... but plausible.
I would say that's all... but I should include the vastly interesting relationships, friendships really, I've cultivated. I'm speaking now like this is a year in review... which I guess it is considering the only thing left out was my terrible beginning of the year, my out of control in every way summer, and my gradual slide into wanderlust during the fall. All that plot shit aside, amazing and terrible people have dominated my experiences as of late. It's partly why I've been okay with relishing my alone time in selfish and vapid ways, but also the reason I haven't lost my damn mind entirely. I've never been so good at phone and email contact. I also haven't had the kind of stupidly close friends who will entertain your neuroses at any time of the night that I do now since, well, fourth grade? And I would be foolish to not highlight that. The last couple of months have proven so serendipitous as far as friends are concerned, that I really can't begrudge the simultaneous motion towards celibacy and other perks of singledom. At least I'm not around anyone I hate anymore. It's a terrible sensation in every way.
And that's all I've got I suppose. I wore red underwear on New Year's because I was told it's good luck. It better be since I neglected black eyed peas and cabbage. All my other resolutions were shallow. I did go running yesterday and plan to tomorrow. My vendetta against my nose is lessening for the time being. I feel both older and younger than I have in a long, long time. I took my wonderful little self to dinner and the movies tonight. You should see Slumdog Millionaire, it's stupid cute and one of the most unique films I've seem in a long time. Some lady, however, went to town on a salad next to me for half the movie, and I had to resolve never to go to the drafthouse ever again. It is not for crazy people. Wednesday is my day of for the coming near future. And that really is all I could say.
I have a job. It's waiting tables again, but after the despair that was a fruitless, three month long job search, I'm pretty fucking okay with it. I like it a lot more than any other service industry job I've had already. To give you a more descriptive anecdote, my trainer, or whatever, the other night, was this Guy named Demetrios, who talks too much and is going to school to be an engineer. Halfway through the wildly successful evening shift, I found out that he was in fact from Katy, Texas, no shit, and graduated a year earlier than me. Stupid as it may sound, I can't quite articulate the calming relief there is in hearing someone else confidently say, I'm from where you're from, and I'm happy doing what you're doing. However, I foresee much more smoking at this place and I guess all around for now.
Perhaps the hardest thing to do at this point will be to remain focused on looking for a "real job." I know that Trudy's does not count. For me or any other cheery judgmental peer out there. I will say two things on this subject. One, I am terrified about having a schedule opposite of everyone I know, and yet, I know darn well, as I say it for the millionth time, that I desperately need some new people in my life. Regardless, it's not easy and I don't particularly enjoy fucking with my sleep schedule on a regular basis. It can't be easy to make friends only after midnight. Or-- it's only too easy. Second, I have recently received a plethora of unsolicited advice. I think that my interesting circumstances arouse the desire in other people to tell me what I should or should not do. That's all fine and dandy, but I think I've safely overcome the hurdle of listening to anyone and everyone. I will wait tables, I will probably have a lot of fun, I might make a bunch of money (relatively speaking, I get that,) I'll see everyone when I can, and mostly, I'll worry about my own damn self. Such and so on.
If I was to make a resolution... it would probably be to attempt not wanting everything I currently desire. And keep reading like a fiend, my favorite accomplishment since the move. For me, there are usually two tiers of things I want/need. The first level isn't so hard to attain, one thing at a time, and has recently been comprised of things like seeing a few people every week, trying to enjoy living alone, eat healthy, learn french, read more and watch better films. Most of these I've had the luxury of attempting. Then there's the bigger shit, like find a socially acceptable job, rely on my parents less, monetarily and emotionally, fall in love, be a kinder friend, blah blah blah, roll out the stereotypes. But I think I'd be better off if I could just try to reverse it all. Be a jerk when I need to, make money however I want, love my parents too much, enjoy hanging out with myself and my friends more than bland dates and mild affections. Perhaps my real resolution then is to embrace the crazy with a side of grown up strength. Not easy... but plausible.
I would say that's all... but I should include the vastly interesting relationships, friendships really, I've cultivated. I'm speaking now like this is a year in review... which I guess it is considering the only thing left out was my terrible beginning of the year, my out of control in every way summer, and my gradual slide into wanderlust during the fall. All that plot shit aside, amazing and terrible people have dominated my experiences as of late. It's partly why I've been okay with relishing my alone time in selfish and vapid ways, but also the reason I haven't lost my damn mind entirely. I've never been so good at phone and email contact. I also haven't had the kind of stupidly close friends who will entertain your neuroses at any time of the night that I do now since, well, fourth grade? And I would be foolish to not highlight that. The last couple of months have proven so serendipitous as far as friends are concerned, that I really can't begrudge the simultaneous motion towards celibacy and other perks of singledom. At least I'm not around anyone I hate anymore. It's a terrible sensation in every way.
And that's all I've got I suppose. I wore red underwear on New Year's because I was told it's good luck. It better be since I neglected black eyed peas and cabbage. All my other resolutions were shallow. I did go running yesterday and plan to tomorrow. My vendetta against my nose is lessening for the time being. I feel both older and younger than I have in a long, long time. I took my wonderful little self to dinner and the movies tonight. You should see Slumdog Millionaire, it's stupid cute and one of the most unique films I've seem in a long time. Some lady, however, went to town on a salad next to me for half the movie, and I had to resolve never to go to the drafthouse ever again. It is not for crazy people. Wednesday is my day of for the coming near future. And that really is all I could say.