I'm pretending to wear Green
I almost gave this up. I was going to fade out, but I care too much about getting my thoughts out 'there'. For public scrutiny. As if I have something worthy of sharing. Ha, yeah! That's the other reason I was going to stop writing - my stuff always turns out to be self-depricating and oh so cynical. When things are going well, there's not much about which to write. When life sucks, the last thing I want is to bring other people into that hell. I hit a low point about two weeks ago. A lifetime low, perhaps. I told some people about that, but mostly people I saw in person.
Now, I'm good. I have lots of schoolwork, but I think I can handle that. Except...On Tuesday, I had an in-class essay test. I got to bring all my notes and novels (English) in with me. A cinch. But not really. I got anxious. I didn't know what was going on. Nothing made sense. I ended up doodling and trying not to cry. I left without handing in a test. And I read three of those four books over the weekend prior to said test. The lesson? Never put effort into anything. If you fail, you'll get quite upset. That wasn't fun. But now I know that I must get a grip on this whole concept of timed essays before my final exams. I'll have to write 6 essays in 6 hours. That's 2 separate exams, 3 essays each. Joy abounds. Pray for me April 20th.
I'm not sure if I actually want to play soccer this summer. But, I need to get some exercise. And I really like soccer. I don't know if I love it. Coaching, yes. The kiddies make me smile inside and out. They're so alive. Moreso than adults. I think most adults are dying. They let go of life bit by bit.
I have to read a Beckett play now. That should cheer me up in an existential 'life has no meaning' sort of way. Honestly.
Now, I'm good. I have lots of schoolwork, but I think I can handle that. Except...On Tuesday, I had an in-class essay test. I got to bring all my notes and novels (English) in with me. A cinch. But not really. I got anxious. I didn't know what was going on. Nothing made sense. I ended up doodling and trying not to cry. I left without handing in a test. And I read three of those four books over the weekend prior to said test. The lesson? Never put effort into anything. If you fail, you'll get quite upset. That wasn't fun. But now I know that I must get a grip on this whole concept of timed essays before my final exams. I'll have to write 6 essays in 6 hours. That's 2 separate exams, 3 essays each. Joy abounds. Pray for me April 20th.
I'm not sure if I actually want to play soccer this summer. But, I need to get some exercise. And I really like soccer. I don't know if I love it. Coaching, yes. The kiddies make me smile inside and out. They're so alive. Moreso than adults. I think most adults are dying. They let go of life bit by bit.
I have to read a Beckett play now. That should cheer me up in an existential 'life has no meaning' sort of way. Honestly.