Decisions, Transitions
I feel like I'm leading two lives now - there's High School Jodi and University Jodi. At home, I'm Just Jodi (like Just Jack, only uncool) and that provides a nice resting place. I have all my new university stuff - people, work, campus, routine, and all that jazz, and I'm also trying to keep up with the friends and events that made the last four years worthwhile. I'm finding it difficult. It is possible to keep in touch with all your close friends from high school while living out the next phase of your life? The balance can't be 50/50, because I need to focus more attention on where I am now. I think I'm being selfish. I want too many things. I don't have the resources or time to fit everything for last year into my world of this year. I feel like I'm trying to stretch myself from UTM to Streetsville, but I can't stretch quite enough. When I get a firm grip on one, I invariably let go of the other. I don't know. I had another entry typed up, but it didn't seem to work...it was a university post, not a high school one. I feel awkward because all the stories I have are now based around things you guys are unfamiliar with. Therefore, you can get nothing out of anything I write or say. It's like taking a course in Latin when you only understand English. I think I'd have an easier time trying to share my experiences with you all if they were more negative. Instead, I'm always gushing about this or that, saying "Isn't life grand?" while dancing in a field of flowers. I don't feel right about that. That's not to suggest I don't love being Happy, but...but I haven't been getting the same sense of Happiness from most of you. And although I can sympathize, I can't relate. I just feel like there's an ever-increasing distance between me and the shore where I used to stand. And I don't really want to go back. I'll have to think about this some more and find out where in the world it is I want to stand now.