im so tired
so tired of everything,
caring, dealing, choosing, worrying...
somewhere out of nowhere i messed up,
and everything is all fuzzy with matt....
hes going to be here in 14 days, and i dont even know
if he wants to see me at all, ever.
maybe we will meet... but it looks bad lately...
am i just imagining things?
are we fine?
is he bored of me?
has he lost whatever feelings he once had?
i miss him.
im trying to be strong, but i flipped out today...
got jealous of all the girls on his myspace
and deleted him as a friend and changed my myspace to private.
i just wanna see how long it takes before he even notices.
im going to deny deleting him on purpose.
i want to atleast meet him before i completely swear him off...
hes been talking to his ex alot lately and its driving me crazy.
me an dbeau are doing good i guess.
were close friends... and when i asked him about me moving home
and if wed get back together when i got home, he said
"i dont know, i cant predict the future, i mean i wish i could "
and i just. didnt know what to do.. i mean i knew his answer would be vague
but i dont know... hes sorta dating two different chicks right now,
told me " dont worry alii, im already getting sick of one of them"
i dont know.
im tired, physically emotionally and mentally.
i got all ready for this kid to move out here.
whitening my teeth. laying out. cleaned my entire room
and my bathroom, and cleaned out my car.
drank coffee when i woke up...
talked to my brother today... hes gonna come back out here for however long..
gonna see him once or twice while hes here. hes leaving on the 7th.
and thats the same day matt is going to come here...
i hope i get to see him...
i just want to lay next to him and watch him sleep.
and maybe kiss his hands and face.
-alii
caring, dealing, choosing, worrying...
somewhere out of nowhere i messed up,
and everything is all fuzzy with matt....
hes going to be here in 14 days, and i dont even know
if he wants to see me at all, ever.
maybe we will meet... but it looks bad lately...
am i just imagining things?
are we fine?
is he bored of me?
has he lost whatever feelings he once had?
i miss him.
im trying to be strong, but i flipped out today...
got jealous of all the girls on his myspace
and deleted him as a friend and changed my myspace to private.
i just wanna see how long it takes before he even notices.
im going to deny deleting him on purpose.
i want to atleast meet him before i completely swear him off...
hes been talking to his ex alot lately and its driving me crazy.
me an dbeau are doing good i guess.
were close friends... and when i asked him about me moving home
and if wed get back together when i got home, he said
"i dont know, i cant predict the future, i mean i wish i could "
and i just. didnt know what to do.. i mean i knew his answer would be vague
but i dont know... hes sorta dating two different chicks right now,
told me " dont worry alii, im already getting sick of one of them"
i dont know.
im tired, physically emotionally and mentally.
i got all ready for this kid to move out here.
whitening my teeth. laying out. cleaned my entire room
and my bathroom, and cleaned out my car.
drank coffee when i woke up...
talked to my brother today... hes gonna come back out here for however long..
gonna see him once or twice while hes here. hes leaving on the 7th.
and thats the same day matt is going to come here...
i hope i get to see him...
i just want to lay next to him and watch him sleep.
and maybe kiss his hands and face.
-alii