Like that day I hit the referee with a whiskey bottle. Remember that, when daddy hit the referee?
The Nationals are dying a slow and humiliating death after being predicted to take it all? Skins are already in Shitshow DEFCON 1? Caps are-actually, they're relatively stable right now, since the season is still a month away, so we'll give them a pass. Wait, what's that you say? Backstrom might not be able to play at the start of the season? HURRAY FOR DC SPORTS: WHERE NO ONE GETS TO BE HAPPY. OR IF THEY DO, IT IS ONLY FOR MAXIMUM PAIN EFFECT WHEN IT SWITCHES BACK AGAIN. Ah, fuck it. Whatever. Let's have some music. Let's have a lot of music. Nothing takes your mind momentarily off being kicked in the teeth like music.
Originally this post was going to be all bile and anger and despair, but then thebaconfat needed to be appreciated, so now this post is for her instead. Baco is the best.
Mp3s are for testing purposes only, delete after 24 hours or some manner of Dan Snyder will be wished upon you. I don't even like football! I'm just sick of hearing about it all the goddamn time. If I could send the entire fucking franchise to the moon, I would. FUCK SPORTS. THEY ARE THE WORST.
Anyway.
Social Distortion - Bad Luck. (This is the song I think of for the Nationals 2015 season.) (I'm not bitter.) (I'm a lot bitter.) (I cry myself to sleep at night.) (Shit did I write that last one out loud.) (I did.) (Shit) (Shit shit shit) (Okay just go to lyrics and pretend this didn't happen.)
(Also I really like this song.)
Some people like to gamble
But you, you always lose
Some people like to rock n' roll
You're always singing the blues
You got bad, bad luck
Bad, bad luck
Johnny Cash - God's Gonna Cut You Down. Yeah, you'd best realize that, Mets. Also, this is Drew Storen's walk-up music, and also also it's Johnny Cash and I fucking love Johnny Cash.
You can run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Sooner or later God'll cut you down
Sooner or later God'll cut you down
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Bad Moon Rising. I've been into a lot of CCR lately. Upbeat songs about the apocalypse! Also easily used for anyone who ever wants to write a fic involving a werewolf! Good times.
I see a bad moon rising.
I see trouble on the way.
I see earthquakes and lightnin'.
I see bad times today.
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Lookin' Out My Backdoor. I like how whimsical this is. It’s silly. I am perfectly happy for it to be either about metaphorical drugs or just a song written for a three year old. Either is good.
Bother me tomorrow, today, I'll buy no sorrows.
Doo doo doo lookin' out my back door.
Gin Blossoms - Til I Hear It From You. A lot of the GB songs sound alike to me (I mean, this is basically almost the same thing as "Found Out About You" which I also like but which is ESSENTIALLY THE SAME SONG) and have that weird "this is such a high school love affair" vibe about them. But I like this one because I remember it from the end of Empire Records-not that I give a shit about AJ and Corey's romance, and in fact was actively annoyed by it during the film-but then we get to the end of the song and the end of the film…
Well, baby, I don't want to take advice from fools
I'll just figure everything is cool
Until I hear it from you
The The - This Is the Day. …and then it segues into the ending where they all dance on the roof together, the couples, the friends, the guys with girls, the girls with girls, the guys with guys, everyone. And everyone who knows me knows I am a huge sucker for spontaneous ending dance scenes. And it's a hopeful song, that things are going to change.
You pull back the curtains, and the sun burns into your eyes
You watch a plane flying across a clear blue sky
This is the day your life will surely change
This is the day when things fall into place
Here's the scene:
Bowling for Soup - Summer of '69. Cover of the Bryan Adams original. (This song experience feels so southern-midwest to me, it always surprises me to remember that it comes from a Canadian. My American-centrism is showing.) I always feel sorry for people who consider high school to be their best years. There's some sense of muted tragedy to it. But anyway, I keep wanting to use this to write a short story about zombies in high school, but until I can make that less of a stupid idea, on the backburner it stays.
Standing on your mama's porch
You told me that you'd wait forever
Saint Motel - My Type. Twig turned me on to this one. I love it because it comes off as so cheerfully perverted somehow. Like, this is sort of what I imagine Akio tapping his fingers and humming to as he's driving. Eventually he's just doing hip thrusts while he drives. Meanwhile, Touga is doing the same thing in the passenger seat, and Saionji is in the back of the car, looking on and being generally horrified.
When there's loving in the air,
Don't fight it, just keep breathing.
I can't help myself but stare.
Double check for double meanings.
I'm a man who's got very specific taste.
You-you-you're just my type.
You got a pulse and you are breathing.
Ex-Ambassadors - Renegade. This is always going to be "that car commercial song". Also, the namechecking of Spielberg and Kubrick in it never fails to jar me. And it's just... I mean, the heavy irony of a song about renegades, which was specifically manufactured for a car commercial. Yeah. But, I mean, it's catchy and I can't get too mean towards it, because then you run up against the whole emotional significance of the band member who's been blind from birth, and I just ain't fighting that heavyweight.
Long live the pioneers
Rebels and mutineers
Go forth and have no fear
Come close, the end is near
The Struts - Could Have Been Me. This is mostly here for how extravagantly the main singer rolls his r's. I admire that. Also, as evidenced by my affection for Leonard Cohen's "Story of Isaac", I like a song that has a chorus with reversible lines that change when you flip flop specific words.
Don't wanna live as an untold story
Rather go out in a blaze of glory
I can't hear you, I don't fear you
Elle King - Ex's and Oh's. This is a fun song. I kind of like brash female singers bragging all matter of fact about how their dudes can't keep up. Thumbs up.
One, two, three, they gonna run back to me
'Cause I'm the best baby that they never gotta keep
One, two, three, they gonna run back to me
They always wanna come, but they never wanna leave
Breaking Benjamin - So Cold. For a long time, this was the song I kept vaguely mixing up with Goodsmack's "Voodoo" and Seether's "Fine Again" and some other generically depressing song. I think it has to do with the weirdly historic music videos, or perhaps a tendency to mix up over-the top emo music that would not sound out of place in an apocalypse fanvid. (I always misheard the chorus as "Show me all the endless horror" instead of "show me how it ends, it's all right" before I bothered looking it up.)
You're so cold, but you feel alive
Lay your hand on me one last time
Hum - Stars. ...boy, when I actually listen to the lyrics, this song is super depressing. But. It feels like there's a story inside it trying to come out. Probably Neil Gaiman would write something short and charming and extremely self-deprecating about it, but in the process would come off more than a little pretentious about it, and then Amanda Palmer would write a bad performance art sketch to it, and I would get very angry and stomp around muttering for a while.
She thinks she missed the train to Mars, she's out back counting stars.
R.E.M - The Great Beyond. I am almost positive I put this on a music post but whatever, I do repeats. I wish someone would make an Utena music video to this. Come on, the lyrics were made for it. Utena would so push an elephant up the stairs, and it would be both literal and a metaphor at the same time.
I'm breaking through
I'm bending spoons
I'm keeping flowers in full bloom
I'm looking for answers from the great beyond
Cold War Kids - First. This always seems to come on when I'm driving home. I've been stoplight-busted bobbing my head to its hypnotic rhythm more times than I care to admit. It's impossible not to.
First you get hurt, then you feel sorry
The Offspring - Coming For You. This is the song that the Nats take the field to, to return to the whole sports thing, but. Okay, so. In addition to being the lead singer, rhythm guitarist, and primary songwriter of The Offspring, did you know that Dexter Holland is a microbiology grad student? Per Wikipedia:
As of 2013, Holland is a doctoral student at the Laboratory of Viral Oncology and Proteomics Research, Keck School of Medicine, where he is supervised by Professor Suraiya Rasheed.In March 2013, Holland and co-authors published a paper in PLoS One regarding microRNA in HIV genomes, titled "Identification of Human MicroRNA-Like Sequences Embedded within the Protein-Encoding Genes of the Human Immunodeficiency Virus". The original academic paper describes the use of computational molecular biological (in silico) approaches to identify microRNA-like sequences in HIV. These sequences are suggested to have evolved to self-regulate survival of the virus in the host by evading its immune responses and thus influence the persistence, replication, and pathogenicity of HIV.
Wait, that's not all.
In 1997, Holland and former Dead Kennedys singer Jello Biafra, teamed up to form the F.S.U. Foundation, which raised funds through charity concerts. The foundation did benefit shows to raise money for various charities including AIDS Project Los Angeles, Poor People's United Fund, Trees Foundation, and Amnesty International.
Okay, that's pretty cool.
Holland participated in the 2006 Los Angeles Marathon; his charity of choice was the Innocence Project.
Also cool! So, let's move-what?
Holland has his own brand of hot sauce named Gringo Bandito[15] and featuring Holland with bandoliers, revolvers, a sombrero and shades-as a possible homage to the logo for Tapatío hot sauce or Pancho Villa.
There's more?
Holland is also a licensed Airline Transport Pilot and a Certified Flight Instructor who made a solo trip around the world in ten days.
Okay, surely, that must be all--
Holland is also an "avid" collector of stamps from The Isle of Man. Other hobbies include surfing (as seen in the "Da Hui" music video), skydiving (from Huck It), and skateboarding.
Is it okay to-
Dexter Holland sometimes plays the piano during live shows.
OKAY, so. Now that we're-
Dexter also made a cameo appearances in:
Idle Hands (film, 1999) as Band The Offspring Lead Singer
Pauly Shore Is Dead (film, 2003) as himself (uncredited)
Punk's Not Dead (documentary, 2007) as himself
One Nine Nine Four (documentary, 2009) as himself
And let's not even get into all the musical albums he's done guest work on. Basically, MOVE OVER, DOS EQUIS GUY, DEXTER HOLLAND IS THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE WORLD.
…God, what have I done with my life in comparison.
Time to go and get our kicks
Dropping out and getting in the mix now
Here in the backroom, nothing to do
We’re not bored, we’re just sick of you, yeah
Yeah, sick of you
Also, I'm off to Sam Francisco for a wedding in wine country that might very well drive me insane. I look forward to this, as I am told insane people do not get as upset about their baseball clubs being shitshows, and that sounds nice.
Originally this post was going to be all bile and anger and despair, but then thebaconfat needed to be appreciated, so now this post is for her instead. Baco is the best.
Mp3s are for testing purposes only, delete after 24 hours or some manner of Dan Snyder will be wished upon you. I don't even like football! I'm just sick of hearing about it all the goddamn time. If I could send the entire fucking franchise to the moon, I would. FUCK SPORTS. THEY ARE THE WORST.
Anyway.
Social Distortion - Bad Luck. (This is the song I think of for the Nationals 2015 season.) (I'm not bitter.) (I'm a lot bitter.) (I cry myself to sleep at night.) (Shit did I write that last one out loud.) (I did.) (Shit) (Shit shit shit) (Okay just go to lyrics and pretend this didn't happen.)
(Also I really like this song.)
Some people like to gamble
But you, you always lose
Some people like to rock n' roll
You're always singing the blues
You got bad, bad luck
Bad, bad luck
Johnny Cash - God's Gonna Cut You Down. Yeah, you'd best realize that, Mets. Also, this is Drew Storen's walk-up music, and also also it's Johnny Cash and I fucking love Johnny Cash.
You can run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Sooner or later God'll cut you down
Sooner or later God'll cut you down
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Bad Moon Rising. I've been into a lot of CCR lately. Upbeat songs about the apocalypse! Also easily used for anyone who ever wants to write a fic involving a werewolf! Good times.
I see a bad moon rising.
I see trouble on the way.
I see earthquakes and lightnin'.
I see bad times today.
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Lookin' Out My Backdoor. I like how whimsical this is. It’s silly. I am perfectly happy for it to be either about metaphorical drugs or just a song written for a three year old. Either is good.
Bother me tomorrow, today, I'll buy no sorrows.
Doo doo doo lookin' out my back door.
Gin Blossoms - Til I Hear It From You. A lot of the GB songs sound alike to me (I mean, this is basically almost the same thing as "Found Out About You" which I also like but which is ESSENTIALLY THE SAME SONG) and have that weird "this is such a high school love affair" vibe about them. But I like this one because I remember it from the end of Empire Records-not that I give a shit about AJ and Corey's romance, and in fact was actively annoyed by it during the film-but then we get to the end of the song and the end of the film…
Well, baby, I don't want to take advice from fools
I'll just figure everything is cool
Until I hear it from you
The The - This Is the Day. …and then it segues into the ending where they all dance on the roof together, the couples, the friends, the guys with girls, the girls with girls, the guys with guys, everyone. And everyone who knows me knows I am a huge sucker for spontaneous ending dance scenes. And it's a hopeful song, that things are going to change.
You pull back the curtains, and the sun burns into your eyes
You watch a plane flying across a clear blue sky
This is the day your life will surely change
This is the day when things fall into place
Here's the scene:
Click to viewBowling for Soup - Summer of '69. Cover of the Bryan Adams original. (This song experience feels so southern-midwest to me, it always surprises me to remember that it comes from a Canadian. My American-centrism is showing.) I always feel sorry for people who consider high school to be their best years. There's some sense of muted tragedy to it. But anyway, I keep wanting to use this to write a short story about zombies in high school, but until I can make that less of a stupid idea, on the backburner it stays.
Standing on your mama's porch
You told me that you'd wait forever
Saint Motel - My Type. Twig turned me on to this one. I love it because it comes off as so cheerfully perverted somehow. Like, this is sort of what I imagine Akio tapping his fingers and humming to as he's driving. Eventually he's just doing hip thrusts while he drives. Meanwhile, Touga is doing the same thing in the passenger seat, and Saionji is in the back of the car, looking on and being generally horrified.
When there's loving in the air,
Don't fight it, just keep breathing.
I can't help myself but stare.
Double check for double meanings.
I'm a man who's got very specific taste.
You-you-you're just my type.
You got a pulse and you are breathing.
Ex-Ambassadors - Renegade. This is always going to be "that car commercial song". Also, the namechecking of Spielberg and Kubrick in it never fails to jar me. And it's just... I mean, the heavy irony of a song about renegades, which was specifically manufactured for a car commercial. Yeah. But, I mean, it's catchy and I can't get too mean towards it, because then you run up against the whole emotional significance of the band member who's been blind from birth, and I just ain't fighting that heavyweight.
Long live the pioneers
Rebels and mutineers
Go forth and have no fear
Come close, the end is near
The Struts - Could Have Been Me. This is mostly here for how extravagantly the main singer rolls his r's. I admire that. Also, as evidenced by my affection for Leonard Cohen's "Story of Isaac", I like a song that has a chorus with reversible lines that change when you flip flop specific words.
Don't wanna live as an untold story
Rather go out in a blaze of glory
I can't hear you, I don't fear you
Elle King - Ex's and Oh's. This is a fun song. I kind of like brash female singers bragging all matter of fact about how their dudes can't keep up. Thumbs up.
One, two, three, they gonna run back to me
'Cause I'm the best baby that they never gotta keep
One, two, three, they gonna run back to me
They always wanna come, but they never wanna leave
Breaking Benjamin - So Cold. For a long time, this was the song I kept vaguely mixing up with Goodsmack's "Voodoo" and Seether's "Fine Again" and some other generically depressing song. I think it has to do with the weirdly historic music videos, or perhaps a tendency to mix up over-the top emo music that would not sound out of place in an apocalypse fanvid. (I always misheard the chorus as "Show me all the endless horror" instead of "show me how it ends, it's all right" before I bothered looking it up.)
You're so cold, but you feel alive
Lay your hand on me one last time
Hum - Stars. ...boy, when I actually listen to the lyrics, this song is super depressing. But. It feels like there's a story inside it trying to come out. Probably Neil Gaiman would write something short and charming and extremely self-deprecating about it, but in the process would come off more than a little pretentious about it, and then Amanda Palmer would write a bad performance art sketch to it, and I would get very angry and stomp around muttering for a while.
She thinks she missed the train to Mars, she's out back counting stars.
R.E.M - The Great Beyond. I am almost positive I put this on a music post but whatever, I do repeats. I wish someone would make an Utena music video to this. Come on, the lyrics were made for it. Utena would so push an elephant up the stairs, and it would be both literal and a metaphor at the same time.
I'm breaking through
I'm bending spoons
I'm keeping flowers in full bloom
I'm looking for answers from the great beyond
Cold War Kids - First. This always seems to come on when I'm driving home. I've been stoplight-busted bobbing my head to its hypnotic rhythm more times than I care to admit. It's impossible not to.
First you get hurt, then you feel sorry
The Offspring - Coming For You. This is the song that the Nats take the field to, to return to the whole sports thing, but. Okay, so. In addition to being the lead singer, rhythm guitarist, and primary songwriter of The Offspring, did you know that Dexter Holland is a microbiology grad student? Per Wikipedia:
As of 2013, Holland is a doctoral student at the Laboratory of Viral Oncology and Proteomics Research, Keck School of Medicine, where he is supervised by Professor Suraiya Rasheed.In March 2013, Holland and co-authors published a paper in PLoS One regarding microRNA in HIV genomes, titled "Identification of Human MicroRNA-Like Sequences Embedded within the Protein-Encoding Genes of the Human Immunodeficiency Virus". The original academic paper describes the use of computational molecular biological (in silico) approaches to identify microRNA-like sequences in HIV. These sequences are suggested to have evolved to self-regulate survival of the virus in the host by evading its immune responses and thus influence the persistence, replication, and pathogenicity of HIV.
Wait, that's not all.
In 1997, Holland and former Dead Kennedys singer Jello Biafra, teamed up to form the F.S.U. Foundation, which raised funds through charity concerts. The foundation did benefit shows to raise money for various charities including AIDS Project Los Angeles, Poor People's United Fund, Trees Foundation, and Amnesty International.
Okay, that's pretty cool.
Holland participated in the 2006 Los Angeles Marathon; his charity of choice was the Innocence Project.
Also cool! So, let's move-what?
Holland has his own brand of hot sauce named Gringo Bandito[15] and featuring Holland with bandoliers, revolvers, a sombrero and shades-as a possible homage to the logo for Tapatío hot sauce or Pancho Villa.
There's more?
Holland is also a licensed Airline Transport Pilot and a Certified Flight Instructor who made a solo trip around the world in ten days.
Okay, surely, that must be all--
Holland is also an "avid" collector of stamps from The Isle of Man. Other hobbies include surfing (as seen in the "Da Hui" music video), skydiving (from Huck It), and skateboarding.
Is it okay to-
Dexter Holland sometimes plays the piano during live shows.
OKAY, so. Now that we're-
Dexter also made a cameo appearances in:
Idle Hands (film, 1999) as Band The Offspring Lead Singer
Pauly Shore Is Dead (film, 2003) as himself (uncredited)
Punk's Not Dead (documentary, 2007) as himself
One Nine Nine Four (documentary, 2009) as himself
And let's not even get into all the musical albums he's done guest work on. Basically, MOVE OVER, DOS EQUIS GUY, DEXTER HOLLAND IS THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE WORLD.
…God, what have I done with my life in comparison.
Time to go and get our kicks
Dropping out and getting in the mix now
Here in the backroom, nothing to do
We’re not bored, we’re just sick of you, yeah
Yeah, sick of you
Also, I'm off to Sam Francisco for a wedding in wine country that might very well drive me insane. I look forward to this, as I am told insane people do not get as upset about their baseball clubs being shitshows, and that sounds nice.