Remember that New Year's Eve party at Lenny's? He didn't even have a clock.
Huh, I only have two more days left of these things. And for the most part, I've kept to it, though there were certainly some cheater days where the post content was not particularly lengthy or great. But I kept to it! ...Didn't see that coming. I should do a wordcount so I know how much I wrote in December.
In the meantime, here are some end of the year thoughts and a meme on 2014.
This year was terrible.
I mean, there's no sugar-coating it. It was a terrible fucking year, full of loss and damage and disappointment. A few good things happened near the end, but in general I've kind of wanted to call this one a loss ever since February, and getting through the rest of it has been frankly one of the biggest accomplishments of my life. I mean, I didn't do it particularly gracefully or well, but I did do it if only by getting out of bed every day, and going to work when I didn't want to, and continuing to mostly do the every day things you have to, so. Uh. That's something, I guess.
Here is a meme.
1. What did you do in 2014 that you'd never done before?
I went to a hockey clinic. I went to multiple funerals. I went to a 40th day ceremony. I lost my best friend. I learned to drive in the actual city of DC and parts of Virginia I had previously avoided. I drank snake wine. I ate poke. I ate a fried egg. (Seriously, I had never eaten a fried egg before.)
2. Did you keep to your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't think I really made any last year. I've resolved to get a lot healthier for this year. in eating and exercising habits Let's hope that works.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yeah, a couple friends and cousins.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yeah, my best friend and my uncle. Some other acquaintances, but those were the big ones.
5. What countries did you visit?
None, this year. Last year's Italy feels like it should count, though.
6. What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014?
Uh, no one dying on me, no further home damage, and a job I don't hate would be great. (If the Caps want to win a Stanley Cup or the Nats want to win a World Series, I would also be okay with that, I GUESS.)
7. What dates from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory?
Easter, because that was the day Louise died. July 13, because that was the day my uncle died. May 1, because of my house flooding. December 10, because I gave notice at work.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Honestly, just making it to the end of it. Successfully getting a new job too, I guess.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Waiting until December to get a new job despite being miserable in it for at last two years before that.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not really. A cold or two here and there. Gave myself a black eye. Stepped on a wine glass in bare feet.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Uh, probably fixing my backyard, but that seems boring. Lunar and Twig and Flidget paid for my ticket to come see them, so I don't know if I can count it.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
New Pope. (Oh, fine, Pope Francis. Killjoy.) Despite many of my issues with my own Catholicism, it's been a genuine pleasure and surprise to see many of the things he's advocated and how he's acted. Um. Hmm. Everyone around me who's put up with me? I would not have blamed them if they'd smothered me in my sleep. Alex Ovechkin had an arguably worse year than I did and still accomplished a lot more, so I'm gonna throw him a nod too.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Congress failed to impress me. Michael Phelps kinda let me down. (I still love you, baby. But you gotta do better.) So much failure with all the race crimes that happened this year-- Michael Brown, Eric Francis, Tamir Rice, John Crawford, etc.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Home repairs. Fuck you, house! Stop doing shit like this!
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting tickets for the Winter Classic was pretty cool. Really looking forward to that. Also really was happy about getting to visit Twig and Lunar in Boston for the first time in a couple years, but that was less high level excitement than it was very simple happiness and contentment at getting to be around people who I love and enjoy their company, and who didn't push me to do or be anything but what I was. I warned them I might cry on them a lot when I was up there, but I was too happy most of the time to want to. That was nice.
16. What song will always remind you of 2014?
Probably Bleachers "I Wanna Get Better." I heard it a lot on the radio when I was driving; it always seemed to come on at thematically significant moments. Potentially fate; potentially a glitch in the Matrix, who knows.
17. Compared to this time last year, you are:
Happier or sadder: Sadder. A lot sadder.
Thinner or fatter: Fatter, probably.
Richer or poorer: Richer, I guess, due to new job's salary.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Hanging with Louise. Writing. Reading books for pleasure. Socializing because I wanted to.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Projecting feelings on, and therefore being disappointed by sports. Being stressed out by work and letting that stop me from doing things I wanted to do in my free time. Crying. Forcing myself to socialize when I didn't want to.
20. How will you be spending/did you spend Christmas?
With my family, here in Maryland. It was low key but nice. I got to buy more presents for people than I thought I'd be able to afford, so that was cool.
21. What was your favorite month of 2014?
December was pretty good. Not only was the year almost over, but most of my family was in town. I got a new job. The Caps did well. Christmas was nice.
22. Did you fall in love in 2014?
No, I don't think so.
23. How many one-night stands?
None. You'd think this would have been the year I went on that kind of bender, too.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Uh, probably hockey, but if we're talking actual show, it's a toss-up between Game of Thrones and Futurama. Oh, and How I Met Your Mother, which Louise got me into, damn her.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No, while I have a lengthy dislike list that ranges from "petty" to "strong", I only truly hate a couple people and they all remain the same.
26. What was the best book you read?
Hmm. Joe Hill's "NOS4A2" was really entertaining, as was Stephen King's "Joyland." Best written was probably Pat Barker's "Toby's Room" though I haven't had a chance to finish Margaret Atwood's "Stone Mattress" or Sarah Water's "The Paying Guests." I read Cynthia Voight's "Elske", having somehow missed that in my childhood, and that was really great as well.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Um. Drawing a blank here, honestly. I liked Vance Joy's "Riptide"? Honestly, this was more a year of digging up old music I had forgotten I liked. While I was driving back and forth from Louise's place, I played every old mix CD from my college days, and that was kind of fun.
28. What did you want and get?
A new job, closer to home with better pay and less psychopathic CEOs.
29. What did you want and not get?
Basically, everything else. (No sports team I cheered for ended up well, for one.)
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I really liked "The Grand Budapest Hotel."
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was flying home from Los Angeles, after a very nice visit with my oldest brother. My parents had essentially packed me up and sent me out there as a package to him, noticing, I suppose, the fact I was depressed and not really interested in anything at the time. I turned 31.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If Louise had gotten a liver transplant in time.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014?
"Do I have pants on? No? Well, whatever."
34. What kept you sane?
My friends. My family. Sleeping a lot and shutting down emotionally, though that arguably probably hurt me as well. Visiting Twig and Lunar. Seeing the rest of my family at my uncle's memorial. Random acts of unexpected kindness, like the flight attendant who practically moved heaven and hell to get me home when the flights were delayed and I was quietly falling to pieces after being told on the phone about my uncle. She didn't know anything about what was going on; she just saw me crying, and was kind and went the extra mile when she didn't have to. Things like that.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
My long-standing thing for the pope aside? I guess I still have a thing for Jake Gyllenhaal. And a thing for Ovechkin. And Alan May. Oh Alan May, sweep me up in your manly arms and tell me more stories about being drunk at practice. I LOVE YOU.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Mostly the race shootings and health care and the UVA rape affair. At least that's what I spent most of my office water cooler arguments going over.
37. Who did you miss?
Louise. My uncle. I missed my previous work boss/mentor; he didn't die, but since he stepped down, I didn't get to interact with him much.
38. Who were the best new people you met?
One of my coworkers from my old job is an amazing person, and she was one of the big reasons I managed to make myself go for the new job. I got to see Horizon Green in person again, and that was fun.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014:
Be kind to people when you don't have to be. People can be jerks, but people can also be kinder than you'll ever expect. Never assume you'll have more time to say something or do something, so say it or do it now. Tell the people you love that you love them, whenever you can, as often as you can. Hydrate.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
This'll be covered in more depth in tomorrow's post, but:
And if I could be silent, I'd close my eyes and wait until the last train passed by before I said to you
That when I think of heaven...
When I think of heaven
When I think of heaven
I think of you
And when I think of heaven, yeah...
Just deliver me in a black-winged bird
I think of dying, well, come on
Lay me down in a field of flame and heather
Render up my body into the burning heart of God
In the belly of a black-winged bird
Almost to the end, now.
In the meantime, here are some end of the year thoughts and a meme on 2014.
This year was terrible.
I mean, there's no sugar-coating it. It was a terrible fucking year, full of loss and damage and disappointment. A few good things happened near the end, but in general I've kind of wanted to call this one a loss ever since February, and getting through the rest of it has been frankly one of the biggest accomplishments of my life. I mean, I didn't do it particularly gracefully or well, but I did do it if only by getting out of bed every day, and going to work when I didn't want to, and continuing to mostly do the every day things you have to, so. Uh. That's something, I guess.
Here is a meme.
1. What did you do in 2014 that you'd never done before?
I went to a hockey clinic. I went to multiple funerals. I went to a 40th day ceremony. I lost my best friend. I learned to drive in the actual city of DC and parts of Virginia I had previously avoided. I drank snake wine. I ate poke. I ate a fried egg. (Seriously, I had never eaten a fried egg before.)
2. Did you keep to your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't think I really made any last year. I've resolved to get a lot healthier for this year. in eating and exercising habits Let's hope that works.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yeah, a couple friends and cousins.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yeah, my best friend and my uncle. Some other acquaintances, but those were the big ones.
5. What countries did you visit?
None, this year. Last year's Italy feels like it should count, though.
6. What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014?
Uh, no one dying on me, no further home damage, and a job I don't hate would be great. (If the Caps want to win a Stanley Cup or the Nats want to win a World Series, I would also be okay with that, I GUESS.)
7. What dates from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory?
Easter, because that was the day Louise died. July 13, because that was the day my uncle died. May 1, because of my house flooding. December 10, because I gave notice at work.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Honestly, just making it to the end of it. Successfully getting a new job too, I guess.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Waiting until December to get a new job despite being miserable in it for at last two years before that.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not really. A cold or two here and there. Gave myself a black eye. Stepped on a wine glass in bare feet.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Uh, probably fixing my backyard, but that seems boring. Lunar and Twig and Flidget paid for my ticket to come see them, so I don't know if I can count it.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
New Pope. (Oh, fine, Pope Francis. Killjoy.) Despite many of my issues with my own Catholicism, it's been a genuine pleasure and surprise to see many of the things he's advocated and how he's acted. Um. Hmm. Everyone around me who's put up with me? I would not have blamed them if they'd smothered me in my sleep. Alex Ovechkin had an arguably worse year than I did and still accomplished a lot more, so I'm gonna throw him a nod too.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Congress failed to impress me. Michael Phelps kinda let me down. (I still love you, baby. But you gotta do better.) So much failure with all the race crimes that happened this year-- Michael Brown, Eric Francis, Tamir Rice, John Crawford, etc.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Home repairs. Fuck you, house! Stop doing shit like this!
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting tickets for the Winter Classic was pretty cool. Really looking forward to that. Also really was happy about getting to visit Twig and Lunar in Boston for the first time in a couple years, but that was less high level excitement than it was very simple happiness and contentment at getting to be around people who I love and enjoy their company, and who didn't push me to do or be anything but what I was. I warned them I might cry on them a lot when I was up there, but I was too happy most of the time to want to. That was nice.
16. What song will always remind you of 2014?
Probably Bleachers "I Wanna Get Better." I heard it a lot on the radio when I was driving; it always seemed to come on at thematically significant moments. Potentially fate; potentially a glitch in the Matrix, who knows.
17. Compared to this time last year, you are:
Happier or sadder: Sadder. A lot sadder.
Thinner or fatter: Fatter, probably.
Richer or poorer: Richer, I guess, due to new job's salary.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Hanging with Louise. Writing. Reading books for pleasure. Socializing because I wanted to.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Projecting feelings on, and therefore being disappointed by sports. Being stressed out by work and letting that stop me from doing things I wanted to do in my free time. Crying. Forcing myself to socialize when I didn't want to.
20. How will you be spending/did you spend Christmas?
With my family, here in Maryland. It was low key but nice. I got to buy more presents for people than I thought I'd be able to afford, so that was cool.
21. What was your favorite month of 2014?
December was pretty good. Not only was the year almost over, but most of my family was in town. I got a new job. The Caps did well. Christmas was nice.
22. Did you fall in love in 2014?
No, I don't think so.
23. How many one-night stands?
None. You'd think this would have been the year I went on that kind of bender, too.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Uh, probably hockey, but if we're talking actual show, it's a toss-up between Game of Thrones and Futurama. Oh, and How I Met Your Mother, which Louise got me into, damn her.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No, while I have a lengthy dislike list that ranges from "petty" to "strong", I only truly hate a couple people and they all remain the same.
26. What was the best book you read?
Hmm. Joe Hill's "NOS4A2" was really entertaining, as was Stephen King's "Joyland." Best written was probably Pat Barker's "Toby's Room" though I haven't had a chance to finish Margaret Atwood's "Stone Mattress" or Sarah Water's "The Paying Guests." I read Cynthia Voight's "Elske", having somehow missed that in my childhood, and that was really great as well.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Um. Drawing a blank here, honestly. I liked Vance Joy's "Riptide"? Honestly, this was more a year of digging up old music I had forgotten I liked. While I was driving back and forth from Louise's place, I played every old mix CD from my college days, and that was kind of fun.
28. What did you want and get?
A new job, closer to home with better pay and less psychopathic CEOs.
29. What did you want and not get?
Basically, everything else. (No sports team I cheered for ended up well, for one.)
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I really liked "The Grand Budapest Hotel."
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was flying home from Los Angeles, after a very nice visit with my oldest brother. My parents had essentially packed me up and sent me out there as a package to him, noticing, I suppose, the fact I was depressed and not really interested in anything at the time. I turned 31.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If Louise had gotten a liver transplant in time.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014?
"Do I have pants on? No? Well, whatever."
34. What kept you sane?
My friends. My family. Sleeping a lot and shutting down emotionally, though that arguably probably hurt me as well. Visiting Twig and Lunar. Seeing the rest of my family at my uncle's memorial. Random acts of unexpected kindness, like the flight attendant who practically moved heaven and hell to get me home when the flights were delayed and I was quietly falling to pieces after being told on the phone about my uncle. She didn't know anything about what was going on; she just saw me crying, and was kind and went the extra mile when she didn't have to. Things like that.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
My long-standing thing for the pope aside? I guess I still have a thing for Jake Gyllenhaal. And a thing for Ovechkin. And Alan May. Oh Alan May, sweep me up in your manly arms and tell me more stories about being drunk at practice. I LOVE YOU.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Mostly the race shootings and health care and the UVA rape affair. At least that's what I spent most of my office water cooler arguments going over.
37. Who did you miss?
Louise. My uncle. I missed my previous work boss/mentor; he didn't die, but since he stepped down, I didn't get to interact with him much.
38. Who were the best new people you met?
One of my coworkers from my old job is an amazing person, and she was one of the big reasons I managed to make myself go for the new job. I got to see Horizon Green in person again, and that was fun.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014:
Be kind to people when you don't have to be. People can be jerks, but people can also be kinder than you'll ever expect. Never assume you'll have more time to say something or do something, so say it or do it now. Tell the people you love that you love them, whenever you can, as often as you can. Hydrate.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
This'll be covered in more depth in tomorrow's post, but:
And if I could be silent, I'd close my eyes and wait until the last train passed by before I said to you
That when I think of heaven...
When I think of heaven
When I think of heaven
I think of you
And when I think of heaven, yeah...
Just deliver me in a black-winged bird
I think of dying, well, come on
Lay me down in a field of flame and heather
Render up my body into the burning heart of God
In the belly of a black-winged bird
Almost to the end, now.