Sah, I have the same self-esteem thing, but IDK. I have like, this crippling fear of disappointing my parents. I have no idea why, because they've never once in my life given me any cause to think their love was conditional, or that they disapproved of me. (I still get no 'why aren't you dating/making babies' talks)
I was also raised Catholic, but like, so barely Catholic I'm not sure it could have influenced me that way. My only strong memory of Catechism, was when the teacher told us when we went to heaven we'd suddenly know everything there was to know. And even little me found that pretty horrific. If you KNEW everything, then what would you spend all of eternity DOING? I had pretty much counted on there being a heavenly library of some sort.
You may have something with the standing out thing. I mean, we moved a lot when I was growing up, so I was almost always the friendless new kid, and fat, and nerdy. It never kept me from being a hopeless know it all, or continuing to stand out in any number of "bad" ways. Oh no, I was an ENTHUSIASTIC outcast. But that doesn't mean that I didn't know that standing out was "bad."
The other thing is, though, that I am totally willing to toot my own horn... I adore praise. But I feel like it has to be earned by doing something truly 'toot worthy.' And there's a word for it that I can't remember, the opposite of the Peter Principle. Where you undervalue what you know how to do, because it's simple for you to do it, even though it's not simple for other people.
So, like, it took me about 8 years to figure out that my job, actually can't be replaced with a trained monkey. A lot of my job involves just trying to make instructions easy to understand, and information easy to find. Organizing, labeling. That sort of thing. But the more I work with people the more I find that my way of thinking and structuring is UTTERLY ALIEN to them.
When I'm not paying attention people will literally write a work instruction to build a part that says "1. Part A 2. Part B 3. Part C 4. Complete Part Assembly" Or not see the big deal that the same part is called by 3 different names in the work instruction.
So I wonder if it's that you're very competent, and don't see that competency as being worth the brag, because it comes naturally? And at the same time you're made uncomfortable by the other person for bragging about something not worth it?
Also that python story is hilarious. And I'm looking at all the Obama pictures once I'm home and away from prying redneck eyes.
This was such an amazing and interesting comment to read, so I gotta thank you right off the bat for that. Next time, I'm tackling you on gmail to get your thoughts XD
I should have been more clear about the Catholic thing-- it really wasn't so much the catechism itself than it was simply the school system telling me, "Shut up, this is not the way to stand out." I don't know if I would have had the same results in a public school, though, or even if it might have been worse-- my elementary school was tiny. Thirty kids tops, in my biggest class. And my high school experience, while also Catholic, was markedly easier.
Man, even writing this entry took a long time. I honestly stared at the screen and wrote very hesitantly. And I'm with you-- I love praise! I love being told I'm awesome or talented or did well at something. But I can't initiate it. I'm awful at that. In part because, the things I was good at and the things I first hesitantly tried to get attention for when I was younger-- got me shot down or laughed at. So, I guess it all goes back to childhood or something.
>So, like, it took me about 8 years to figure out that my job, actually can't be replaced with a trained monkey. A lot of my job involves just trying to make instructions easy to understand, and information easy to find. Organizing, labeling. That sort of thing. But the more I work with people the more I find that my way of thinking and structuring is UTTERLY ALIEN to them.
Agreed. I think a lot of people underestimate how fucking hard it can be to make something seem easy and/or comprehensible, and you should totally be commended for that.
>So I wonder if it's that you're very competent, and don't see that competency as being worth the brag, because it comes naturally? And at the same time you're made uncomfortable by the other person for bragging about something not worth it?
You know, it's hard to say. Maybe a little of column A, a little of column B. If I'm being honest, my job isn't the hardest in the world-- but I do know I do it well. (I could do it better, too. But I don't, always. I mean, I'm aware of that.) And, well. Part of it, I'm sure, is because I just didn't like the person whose journal I was reading. Heh.
Is your workplace really redneck? I'd not thought about that, being where you are.
RE: the Catholic thing Ahhh, that makes sense, I wasn't thinking of Catholic school just general upbringing. The closest I got to being in Catholic school was said Catechism, where I once briefly stole a rosary from someone's desk because I didn't realize it was a real desk from a real student who was there for real school. So I put it back.
And holy shit it is so steeped in red here I can't even tell you. The other liberal I know at work and I speak Japanese to each other so that no one knows what we were talking about. I think they figure I'm a little pinko, but probably not full on Godless Democrat. Otherwise I don't *think* the two people who sit near me would talk about 'liberal scum crawling out from under a rock at election time' or needle me about why I don't own any guns as much.
So that's the red. For the redneck bit, there are more than one people that drive a monster truck.
Yeah, my parents weren't crazy Catholic, and I'm pretty much a minimal Catholic myself. It's cultural rather than actually buying into a lot of the doctrine. But the schools were pretty strict about trying to beat a lot of it into our heads early. (My mom had to keep me from wearing my rosary as a necklace when I was younger. I was so confused by that, and kinda annoyed. It was pretty!)
Oh God, dude, we gotta get you out of that state. We really do. I gotta keep an eye out for Japanese speaking jobs here in DC for you.
I was also raised Catholic, but like, so barely Catholic I'm not sure it could have influenced me that way. My only strong memory of Catechism, was when the teacher told us when we went to heaven we'd suddenly know everything there was to know. And even little me found that pretty horrific. If you KNEW everything, then what would you spend all of eternity DOING? I had pretty much counted on there being a heavenly library of some sort.
You may have something with the standing out thing. I mean, we moved a lot when I was growing up, so I was almost always the friendless new kid, and fat, and nerdy. It never kept me from being a hopeless know it all, or continuing to stand out in any number of "bad" ways. Oh no, I was an ENTHUSIASTIC outcast. But that doesn't mean that I didn't know that standing out was "bad."
The other thing is, though, that I am totally willing to toot my own horn... I adore praise. But I feel like it has to be earned by doing something truly 'toot worthy.' And there's a word for it that I can't remember, the opposite of the Peter Principle. Where you undervalue what you know how to do, because it's simple for you to do it, even though it's not simple for other people.
So, like, it took me about 8 years to figure out that my job, actually can't be replaced with a trained monkey. A lot of my job involves just trying to make instructions easy to understand, and information easy to find. Organizing, labeling. That sort of thing. But the more I work with people the more I find that my way of thinking and structuring is UTTERLY ALIEN to them.
When I'm not paying attention people will literally write a work instruction to build a part that says "1. Part A 2. Part B 3. Part C 4. Complete Part Assembly" Or not see the big deal that the same part is called by 3 different names in the work instruction.
So I wonder if it's that you're very competent, and don't see that competency as being worth the brag, because it comes naturally? And at the same time you're made uncomfortable by the other person for bragging about something not worth it?
Also that python story is hilarious. And I'm looking at all the Obama pictures once I'm home and away from prying redneck eyes.
Reply
I should have been more clear about the Catholic thing-- it really wasn't so much the catechism itself than it was simply the school system telling me, "Shut up, this is not the way to stand out." I don't know if I would have had the same results in a public school, though, or even if it might have been worse-- my elementary school was tiny. Thirty kids tops, in my biggest class. And my high school experience, while also Catholic, was markedly easier.
Man, even writing this entry took a long time. I honestly stared at the screen and wrote very hesitantly. And I'm with you-- I love praise! I love being told I'm awesome or talented or did well at something. But I can't initiate it. I'm awful at that. In part because, the things I was good at and the things I first hesitantly tried to get attention for when I was younger-- got me shot down or laughed at. So, I guess it all goes back to childhood or something.
>So, like, it took me about 8 years to figure out that my job, actually can't be replaced with a trained monkey. A lot of my job involves just trying to make instructions easy to understand, and information easy to find. Organizing, labeling. That sort of thing. But the more I work with people the more I find that my way of thinking and structuring is UTTERLY ALIEN to them.
Agreed. I think a lot of people underestimate how fucking hard it can be to make something seem easy and/or comprehensible, and you should totally be commended for that.
>So I wonder if it's that you're very competent, and don't see that competency as being worth the brag, because it comes naturally? And at the same time you're made uncomfortable by the other person for bragging about something not worth it?
You know, it's hard to say. Maybe a little of column A, a little of column B. If I'm being honest, my job isn't the hardest in the world-- but I do know I do it well. (I could do it better, too. But I don't, always. I mean, I'm aware of that.) And, well. Part of it, I'm sure, is because I just didn't like the person whose journal I was reading. Heh.
Is your workplace really redneck? I'd not thought about that, being where you are.
Reply
Ahhh, that makes sense, I wasn't thinking of Catholic school just general upbringing.
The closest I got to being in Catholic school was said Catechism, where I once briefly stole a rosary from someone's desk because I didn't realize it was a real desk from a real student who was there for real school. So I put it back.
And holy shit it is so steeped in red here I can't even tell you. The other liberal I know at work and I speak Japanese to each other so that no one knows what we were talking about. I think they figure I'm a little pinko, but probably not full on Godless Democrat. Otherwise I don't *think* the two people who sit near me would talk about 'liberal scum crawling out from under a rock at election time' or needle me about why I don't own any guns as much.
So that's the red. For the redneck bit, there are more than one people that drive a monster truck.
Reply
Reply
Reply
Oh God, dude, we gotta get you out of that state. We really do. I gotta keep an eye out for Japanese speaking jobs here in DC for you.
Reply
Leave a comment