I am a gentleman, didn't I

[thorne_scratch]

"The fix is in. It remains only to be seen what it's been traded for. To get to this stage, anyone wanting to be a referee has had to learn to enjoy the special flavor of pressure-group dick. The question is: will the referees stagger off ice with lungs half full of steaming Winnipeg semen? Or will they merely be licking their lips

Comments

[thorne_scratch]

It is a rather gaudy religion, yup. I think one can be interested by the rites and rituals and still completely disagree with the stance of certain issues, like you list. I dislike having to use pro-life and pro-choice titles and all, because I think there are insulting or inaccurate connotations any way you go, but much as I don't think I could go through with an abortion, I don't see it as my right to forbid anyone else from it. So, yeah, I'm with you on that.

Nah, it was just something short on HBO. I was too lazy to change the channel, and then I got mildly interested.

"You're coming to the fundraiser."

"My grandmother died," Zack said. "I'm in mourning. Deep mourning. Can't come to functions in accordance with our rituals."

"This is your fourth grandmother that's died. In this quarterly period alone."

"Bigamy is a long-held bastion of Gongaga's rich cultural tapestry, struggling against the biases of a mono-marital world-" Zack began promptly, and Sephiroth said, "Shut up."

He could feel a headache coming on. He mentally reviewed all the trump cards he had to play in this negotiation.

"Seriously, you really want me to come?" Zack asked. "Usually you pay me to stay away from these things. What's up with the change of heart?"

"You make the best diversions. I plan to sacrifice you as a way to take attention off me so I can leave early," Sephiroth said, because it was better to be upfront about these sort of things. "

"Oh, well, cool, I can totally do that," Zack said cheerfully. "Full nudity, or do you want a partially clothed option? I can also offer fire, and possibly crustaceans. Depends on if I can get in touch with Bert before five o' clock."

Without taking time to think deeply about how all of Zack's ruckuses tended to involve nudity, Sephiroth nodded immediately. "Deal."

"Whoa, not so fast," Zack said. "We haven't talked payment for my sacrifice. And this is a big one. The President's gonna be there. I'm totally going to wind up in the brig for at least a month. And Scarlett's gonna be there too. It costs extra if you want me to be naked while she's anywhere nearby."

"Ten thousand gil, I'll get you out of the brig afterwards, and I promise to post bail for a single future incident, to be named at your leisure," Sephiroth said.

"Three bail postings," Zack said.

"One," Sephiroth said. "And I'll get the open bar to stop blacklisting you at all Shinra events."

"Two bail incidents, the open bar, and I promise I'll spill something really horrible on Rufus," Zack said. "I'll throw in setting Heidegger's beard on fire for free."

"Accepted," Sephiroth said, and they shook. "Incidentally, Tseng has a similar idea. He thinks he can use Reno the same way to get out of it." Sephiroth locked eyes with Zack. "I'm betting you can do better than him."

"Aww, Seph, you say the sweetest things," Zack said. "And yeah, like fuck Reno can outdo me."

"Don't underestimate him," Sephiroth warned.

"Oh, I know what I'm doing. Also, can I bring a date?" Zack asked. "And by date, I mean I'm going to put Cloud in drag. If you say no, then I'm going to wear drag and you have to take me as your date."

Sephiroth briefly wondered which option would cause less chaos., and then decided on the one that didn't end with Zack wearing false breasts "Cloud can be your date. I get to take him with me when I leave. Last time you used him in one of your scenes, Rufus took too much interest in him."

"Jesus, fine. Just don't fuck him into oblivion before I can get back."

"Hnn," Sephiroth said, which did not have to count for a promise.

"Shit, I need to find my monocle and my cummerbund and some sea turtles, like, now," Zack said, and dashed out of the office without delay

Sephiroth sat back and hoped like hell he hadn't made a mistake.

[aphelion_orion]

*laughing hysterically at 7:00 a.m. in the morning* Thank you for this wonderful bit to wake up to.

[thorne_scratch]

I'm glad you liked it! Maybe I'll polish it up and use it in something else.

[white_jenna]

Eeep, read this when you posted it and didn't comment.
Very much enjoyed this (and the "hijinks" one). I lol'd at the "possibly crustaceans" line and grinned through the rest. :D Thank you!!

[thorne_scratch]

One should never rule anything out when it comes to Zack and distractions. All kinds of animal species should be considered in play.

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it!