And she chose a yard to burn but the ground remembers her
Sunshine State, my ass. It rained every single day I was there, and actually flooded one of our conference rooms. But I am back from my conference! It went well, even the bits where I had to speak. No-one's ears started bleeding.
More importantly, I successfully drank my way around the world in Epcot over a period of about four and a half hours-- actually, it was shorter than that, because we did some rides before commencing with the drunkening-- after starting in Canada and finishing in Mexico. I understand this is actually the opposite way you should do it, but there you go. I took copious notes throughout for research purposes, even if they become markedly shorter and less legible as the countries go by. (For example, BEER HERE is scrawled over Germany.)
This is a picture of me, snapped when I was about three-fourths of the way to hammered. My pleased but mildly bemused expression was caused by the fact there was a nearby lady rounding up people for a Medieval England Comedy Show, and I was ponderously trying to mentally cross-file being shouted at in a British accent in what was supposed to be the Italy section.
I'd meant to have the full account written, but I do not. So far I still need to cover: how I left the conference with over seventy mini-bottles of hotel toiletries, the Great Barbecued Rib Seduction (more meat bribery), reams of cardiologist horror stories, the electric bagpipe band, the bribe offer of six hundred pieces of Beef Wellington (seriously, what is up with everyone bribing me with meat?), and embarrassing karaoke stories.
Also, more perving on Olympic swimmers, and how my siblings trying to drive me into an early grave by engaging in more international marital affairs. I think I will run away. Or distract myself with a drabble fic-meme on the next entry.
Anyway, I'll come back to the meeting after more important things. Like squeemu. And the fact it is her birthday. Happy birthday, Squeemu! You are amazing and wonderful and I have a photograph of you on a motorcycle that I use like one of those encouragement posters they post in the workplace. I shall keep it above my desk and look up at it, thinking, "Thorne, maybe someday you will manage to achieve such greatness." I hope you are having heavenly times; I have a present for you.
It is also shati's birthday, unless livejournal steers me wrong. Happy birthday, Shati! I don't have a photo of you on a motorcycle, more's the pity, but since you basically look like Utena in my head, I think I'll just find some batshit SKU artwork that includes a motorcycle, and use that. I hope you also had a good day!
KadrinHeroSchool: Swordpistols. Well, daggerpistols. Well, a keyring model of Squall's Revolver.
ThorneScratch: Seifer would have a mini-gunblade on his keychain. He would also accidentally shoot himself in the thigh with it when dropping it in his pocket.
KadrinHeroSchool:
"LOADED, WHY?"
"An unloaded gunblade is a travesty, Fuj."
"THIGH, WOUNDED."
"I'm willing to sacrifice for appropriateness."
"REPEATEDLY."
"...just help me to the infirmary already."
ThorneScratch: Quistis: Did he shoot himself in the thigh AGAIN?
KadrinHeroSchool: Eventually, he drops it in his pocket, it cuts through the weakened lining, falls on the floor, he doesn't notice the loss for days and is then despondent.
ThorneScratch: Mopes in his room. Raijin eventually saves his gil and buys him a new one, but Seifer is enraged because it is not the right model. Regardless, he secretly keeps it around, and gives Raijin's name an extra star on one of his many lists.
KadrinHeroSchool: Raijin saves up his gil again and buys Seifer the tiny ingredients he'd need to upgrade the gunblade keyring to the right model. Seifer is briefly ecstatic and then realises that Raijin's not nearly smart enough to work that out and it must be all Fujin's idea; is angry at being deceived and stays in his room for days. Still, Fujin gets a star, too.
ThorneScratch: Eventually, Seifer gets the brilliant idea that they should go into manufacturing tiny weapons as a franchise; the operation never quite gets off the ground, and the shop eventually catches fire and burns to the ground (fortunately, Seifer also had the brilliant idea of running an insurance scam) but they did have a few investors and backers. One of the anonymous backers who had donated a rather large sum actually turned out to be Laguna, who had just thought the idea was "really cool".
KadrinHeroSchool: Laguna later saves himself from an assassin by means of a tiny machine gun manufactured as a prototype. He sends a massive cheque to the manufacturers, which is where Seifer curses for using a pseudonym. Reno spends the money on hookers and blow, or at least intends to, but ends up spending it all on booze and a chocobo.
ThorneScratch: Reno, of course, being present from having fallen through a time/space rift that he had found (and also created) when accidentally messing about in Hojo's lab, trying to find some sort of alcohol to drink that didn't have dead specimens floating in it. Eventually, he just closed his eyes and tipped the specimens out of one jar, in a sort of mishmash combo of the "five seconds on the floor" rule and the "if I don't see it, it's okay" rule.
KadrinHeroSchool: In a time-skip moment, Reno very nearly drank the JENOVA samples that were going to be injected into the in utero Sephiroth. No one quite knows what would have happened if he'd succeeded.
ThorneScratch: Reno probably wouldn't have noticed. It would not have been the first time his urine was fluorescent or a wildly different color. When he finally got back through the time rip, he framed Zack for the incident.
KadrinHeroSchool: Also not for the first time.
ThorneScratch: Zack actually had been involved in the first incident; Sephiroth was just faster than Tseng when it came down to chasing down his subordinates for punishment.
KadrinHeroSchool: At one point Reeve put LSD in the air vents, simply because he knew very well that he could, and that Zack and Reno would automatically take the blame.
ThorneScratch: Hey, they were kicking themselves that they hadn't thought of it first. ...I rather like that idea, of Reeve tampering with the entire coffee supply of Shinra. You could really fuck the corporation up that way.
KadrinHeroSchool: Reeve strikes me as a pretty seriously "well, because I could" type. "Why did you assist Reno in designing the PhallusPainter4000?" "Well... because I could."
ThorneScratch: Anyone who designs and creates a robot cat and moogle that can travel the world and spy on a small party of rebels has to have some kind of odd streak to him. Reeve is the type who is constantly playing games on his computer, but has one of those triggers that can pull up a spreadsheet as soon as it looks like someone is coming near.
KadrinHeroSchool: Stayed up for three days straight designing context-sensitive triggers so that hitting the key would deliver the spreadsheet most relevant to his work at the time.
ThorneScratch: Reeve really is a very interesting person. It is too bad that his beard makes him nondescript. Rather like Hardin! Hardin and Reeve should get together and have a drink.
KadrinHeroSchool:
YUFFIE: It's not that I don't want to stop Sephiroth or anything, but can't we wait for, you know, reinforcements?
(without ceremony, a tall man in assless pants strides into the Northern Crater)
ThorneScratch: Next thing you know, Ashley and Sephiroth are in a shoving match over whose bangs are weirder looking, while Cloud and Co. sit around and sort of shift uncomfortably while they wait for the choirs to die down.
KadrinHeroSchool:
SEPHIROTH: You would defeat the One-Winged Angel with 999 hit points?
ASHLEY: I would defeat the One-Winged Angel with one hit point!
DALEK SEC: I - FEEL - PLAGIARISED.
ThorneScratch: Meanwhile, Sydney and Vincent are quietly swapping arm-polishing products tips with each other. Damn. We should totally write this.
***
KadrinHeroSchool: Look at this, look at this. "Robert R. McCammon's novel Swan Song bears a strong resemblance to The Stand, featuring an apocalyptic event that significantly reduces the world's population, and an evil, supernatural figure against whom a band of survivors struggle over time." MORONS. MORONS, MORONS, MORONS. THERE IS SUCH A THING AS ARCHETYPAL STORIES. HAMLET IS SHAKESPEARE'S MOST DISAPPOINTING TERMINATOR SEQUEL YET.
ThorneScratch: I AGREE. LET'S YELL ABOUT IT IN ALL CAPS! ALSO, I DON'T LIKE FRAN.
KadrinHeroSchool: OH GOD, FRAN GOLDSMITH, WORSE THAN HITLER.
ThorneScratch: SERIOUSLY, IT'S ALL "BLAH BLAH DIARY I MADE LOVE TO STU EVEN THOUGH I AM PREGNANT AND HAROLD IS OBVIOUSLY UPSET ABOUT IT." SHUT UP, FRAN!
KadrinHeroSchool: "IT'S A GOOD THING I HAVE DECIDED THAT HAROLD IS UNAMBIGUOUSLY EVIL OR I MIGHT FEEL BAD ABOUT TREATING HIM LIKE CRAP ALL THE TIME."
KadrinHeroSchool: "I'M A SAINT. A PRETTY, USELESS, PORCELAIN SAINT WHO EVERYONE LOVES. WAAAH DO THINGS FOR ME I AM PETULANT."
ThorneScratch: "NOW I WILL BELITTLE HIM IN FRONT OF GROUPS OF PEOPLE BECAUSE SURELY HE WON'T MIND THAT."
ThorneScratch: "I'M A MAIN CHARACTER, OF COURSE MY BABY WILL LIVE. AND MY LOVE INTEREST."
KadrinHeroSchool: What gets me is:
"Hah hah Harold you suck."
"Your constant belittling of him on top of the knocks life had already dealt out to him turned Harold evil."
"...well, then, it's a good thing he's evil, otherwise I'd feel bad about mocking him."
"Yes! The evil you helped to nurture certainly justifies your nurturing of his evil! We love Frannie's circular logic! Fran is right about everything! Unless she tries to do anything, because she is female and therefore useless."
ThorneScratch: Still, if it comes down to her or Bill Denborough, which one bothers you more?
KadrinHeroSchool: Denborough, because he stole the spotlight from more worthy characters. If you skip over every page with Fran in it, you've still got a big meaty book in The Stand. If you skip over every page with Bill in it, It becomes a pamphlet.
ThorneScratch: True. Although Ben got a slightly better ending than I had hoped for, even if it was still sort of hed pasted on yay.
KadrinHeroSchool: Gender issues, too. Beverly isn't treated so much as a character as a prize in that ending.
ThorneScratch: Yes. Plus, UNDERAGE GROUP SEX IN THE SEWERS, WHAT THE HELL, STEPHEN KING?
KadrinHeroSchool: I knew that was coming and it is only right that it was coming.
KadrinHeroSchool: ...The outrage, not the underage sewersex.
ThorneScratch: Your clarification is mighty. Yes, it's just.... EW. And unnecessary. It doesn't add anything to the story; each of them had their "talent/contribution" and Beverly's slingshot skills were PERFECTLY adequate. There was no need to drag underage sewer sex into it.
ThorneScratch: Maybe Tabitha wrote that part.
KadrinHeroSchool: BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS ENDURING AND PLATONIC LOVE LIKE ELEVEN-YEAR-OLDS HAVING SEX IN UNSANITARY CONDITIONS.
ThorneScratch: It does make one wonder! See, he mentions in his book on writing about a lot of it stems from his life! DID STEPHEN KING HAVE UNDERAGE SEX IN THE SEWERS?!
KadrinHeroSchool: It's also entirely possible that King thought slingshot-fighting was too male, because it was, you know, fighting, and decided that it would be best to pay homage to her feminine nature by reducing her to the level of a sexual object. And then he wondered why the feminists were burning him in effigy again.
KadrinHeroSchool: Either way I don't need to hear about it.
ThorneScratch: I'm gonna go with the "too gorked out on drugs to understand bad choices" option, although that is certainly also likely! Yeah, I mean. I just. It is over. No more sewersex. Never again. It has been stricken from the record.
KadrinHeroSchool: "I HAVE THE ENTIRE GDP OF COLOMBIA UP MY NOSE RIGHT NOW, HOW ABOUT SOME UNDERAGE SEWERSEX"
And Tabitha said, "I am a bad writer, that sounds like a great idea."
ThorneScratch: It is a well known fact that Stephen King cannot have an orgasm unless he mentions the state of Maine.
KadrinHeroSchool: Coincidentally, every time Stephen King mentions the state of Maine, a dog dies.
ThorneScratch: Also, someone states a folksy slang saying without even knowing why.
KadrinHeroSchool:
"Don't shit in my hand and tell me it's Jesus!"
"Eww. What?"
"I... don't... know!"
ThorneScratch: Man, you know his notebook has "Mr. Stephen Deschain. Mr. Roland King" scribbled all over it. With hearts.
KadrinHeroSchool: "Mr. Cuthbert no wait i think i'm gayer for roland"
ThorneScratch: "maybe we can have a threesome after roland and i get married."
KadrinHeroSchool: In the original draft of The Dark Tower, Roland's question "Do'ee dream of love with men?" was answered "Only you, Roland. Only you." and the rest of the book was a sex scene. In a sewer.
ThorneScratch: OH NO, YOU DI
ThorneScratch: ...'INT.
KadrinHeroSchool: I snapped so hard it knocked the rest of your line off, it seems.
ThorneScratch: Yes. Was this before or after the erotic strip commala dance?
KadrinHeroSchool: Don't know. It's a first draft, the timeline's a little confused.
***
KadrinHeroSchool: I am awake.
ThorneScratch: No, you are still dreaming. Also, you're a butterfly.
KadrinHeroSchool: I guess I have no choice but to revolutionise the world, huh?
ThorneScratch: Yeah, but you'll have to hurry or all the good rose colors will be taken. You'll get stuck with puce, or something.
KadrinHeroSchool: The Puce Rose Duellists. It doesn't really have much of a ring to it.
ThorneScratch: Nope. No one will take you seriously. Touga won't even bother to seduce you!
KadrinHeroSchool: That I don't believe.
ThorneScratch: It'll be a lackadaisical seduction. He'll be on the phone the entire time.
KadrinHeroSchool: Boing.
ThorneScratch: You know, I think Baco is right. Saionji totally wanted to be a pretty, pretty princess, and he is mad because he can't be.
KadrinHeroSchool: I'm thinkin' about it! I have Thinkin' Times. It does make sense, he certainly screws up the Doin' Stuff role.
ThorneScratch: Well, I mean, after Anthy caught him trying on her Rose Bride dress that first time, the proof was in the pudding.
KadrinHeroSchool: Now I'm just picturing Saionji with the Mulder-voice. "I. Did. Not."
ThorneScratch:
Saionji: I was drugged!
Anthy: I told you not to drink my suspiciously fizzing water.
KadrinHeroSchool: "We don't have secrets in this relationship. Nor private property." Then Saionji slapped a vampire twenty six times.
ThorneScratch: Meanwhile, Nanami is clinging to the back of a runaway RV, after failing to shoot out its tires.
KadrinHeroSchool: "ONIISAMA!" she shouts.
ThorneScratch: Saionji remembers Akio as having big buck teeth.
KadrinHeroSchool: When pressed, he'll come down to "He had a slight overbite", BUT NO FURTHER.
More importantly, I successfully drank my way around the world in Epcot over a period of about four and a half hours-- actually, it was shorter than that, because we did some rides before commencing with the drunkening-- after starting in Canada and finishing in Mexico. I understand this is actually the opposite way you should do it, but there you go. I took copious notes throughout for research purposes, even if they become markedly shorter and less legible as the countries go by. (For example, BEER HERE is scrawled over Germany.)
This is a picture of me, snapped when I was about three-fourths of the way to hammered. My pleased but mildly bemused expression was caused by the fact there was a nearby lady rounding up people for a Medieval England Comedy Show, and I was ponderously trying to mentally cross-file being shouted at in a British accent in what was supposed to be the Italy section.
I'd meant to have the full account written, but I do not. So far I still need to cover: how I left the conference with over seventy mini-bottles of hotel toiletries, the Great Barbecued Rib Seduction (more meat bribery), reams of cardiologist horror stories, the electric bagpipe band, the bribe offer of six hundred pieces of Beef Wellington (seriously, what is up with everyone bribing me with meat?), and embarrassing karaoke stories.
Also, more perving on Olympic swimmers, and how my siblings trying to drive me into an early grave by engaging in more international marital affairs. I think I will run away. Or distract myself with a drabble fic-meme on the next entry.
Anyway, I'll come back to the meeting after more important things. Like squeemu. And the fact it is her birthday. Happy birthday, Squeemu! You are amazing and wonderful and I have a photograph of you on a motorcycle that I use like one of those encouragement posters they post in the workplace. I shall keep it above my desk and look up at it, thinking, "Thorne, maybe someday you will manage to achieve such greatness." I hope you are having heavenly times; I have a present for you.
It is also shati's birthday, unless livejournal steers me wrong. Happy birthday, Shati! I don't have a photo of you on a motorcycle, more's the pity, but since you basically look like Utena in my head, I think I'll just find some batshit SKU artwork that includes a motorcycle, and use that. I hope you also had a good day!
KadrinHeroSchool: Swordpistols. Well, daggerpistols. Well, a keyring model of Squall's Revolver.
ThorneScratch: Seifer would have a mini-gunblade on his keychain. He would also accidentally shoot himself in the thigh with it when dropping it in his pocket.
KadrinHeroSchool:
"LOADED, WHY?"
"An unloaded gunblade is a travesty, Fuj."
"THIGH, WOUNDED."
"I'm willing to sacrifice for appropriateness."
"REPEATEDLY."
"...just help me to the infirmary already."
ThorneScratch: Quistis: Did he shoot himself in the thigh AGAIN?
KadrinHeroSchool: Eventually, he drops it in his pocket, it cuts through the weakened lining, falls on the floor, he doesn't notice the loss for days and is then despondent.
ThorneScratch: Mopes in his room. Raijin eventually saves his gil and buys him a new one, but Seifer is enraged because it is not the right model. Regardless, he secretly keeps it around, and gives Raijin's name an extra star on one of his many lists.
KadrinHeroSchool: Raijin saves up his gil again and buys Seifer the tiny ingredients he'd need to upgrade the gunblade keyring to the right model. Seifer is briefly ecstatic and then realises that Raijin's not nearly smart enough to work that out and it must be all Fujin's idea; is angry at being deceived and stays in his room for days. Still, Fujin gets a star, too.
ThorneScratch: Eventually, Seifer gets the brilliant idea that they should go into manufacturing tiny weapons as a franchise; the operation never quite gets off the ground, and the shop eventually catches fire and burns to the ground (fortunately, Seifer also had the brilliant idea of running an insurance scam) but they did have a few investors and backers. One of the anonymous backers who had donated a rather large sum actually turned out to be Laguna, who had just thought the idea was "really cool".
KadrinHeroSchool: Laguna later saves himself from an assassin by means of a tiny machine gun manufactured as a prototype. He sends a massive cheque to the manufacturers, which is where Seifer curses for using a pseudonym. Reno spends the money on hookers and blow, or at least intends to, but ends up spending it all on booze and a chocobo.
ThorneScratch: Reno, of course, being present from having fallen through a time/space rift that he had found (and also created) when accidentally messing about in Hojo's lab, trying to find some sort of alcohol to drink that didn't have dead specimens floating in it. Eventually, he just closed his eyes and tipped the specimens out of one jar, in a sort of mishmash combo of the "five seconds on the floor" rule and the "if I don't see it, it's okay" rule.
KadrinHeroSchool: In a time-skip moment, Reno very nearly drank the JENOVA samples that were going to be injected into the in utero Sephiroth. No one quite knows what would have happened if he'd succeeded.
ThorneScratch: Reno probably wouldn't have noticed. It would not have been the first time his urine was fluorescent or a wildly different color. When he finally got back through the time rip, he framed Zack for the incident.
KadrinHeroSchool: Also not for the first time.
ThorneScratch: Zack actually had been involved in the first incident; Sephiroth was just faster than Tseng when it came down to chasing down his subordinates for punishment.
KadrinHeroSchool: At one point Reeve put LSD in the air vents, simply because he knew very well that he could, and that Zack and Reno would automatically take the blame.
ThorneScratch: Hey, they were kicking themselves that they hadn't thought of it first. ...I rather like that idea, of Reeve tampering with the entire coffee supply of Shinra. You could really fuck the corporation up that way.
KadrinHeroSchool: Reeve strikes me as a pretty seriously "well, because I could" type. "Why did you assist Reno in designing the PhallusPainter4000?" "Well... because I could."
ThorneScratch: Anyone who designs and creates a robot cat and moogle that can travel the world and spy on a small party of rebels has to have some kind of odd streak to him. Reeve is the type who is constantly playing games on his computer, but has one of those triggers that can pull up a spreadsheet as soon as it looks like someone is coming near.
KadrinHeroSchool: Stayed up for three days straight designing context-sensitive triggers so that hitting the key would deliver the spreadsheet most relevant to his work at the time.
ThorneScratch: Reeve really is a very interesting person. It is too bad that his beard makes him nondescript. Rather like Hardin! Hardin and Reeve should get together and have a drink.
KadrinHeroSchool:
YUFFIE: It's not that I don't want to stop Sephiroth or anything, but can't we wait for, you know, reinforcements?
(without ceremony, a tall man in assless pants strides into the Northern Crater)
ThorneScratch: Next thing you know, Ashley and Sephiroth are in a shoving match over whose bangs are weirder looking, while Cloud and Co. sit around and sort of shift uncomfortably while they wait for the choirs to die down.
KadrinHeroSchool:
SEPHIROTH: You would defeat the One-Winged Angel with 999 hit points?
ASHLEY: I would defeat the One-Winged Angel with one hit point!
DALEK SEC: I - FEEL - PLAGIARISED.
ThorneScratch: Meanwhile, Sydney and Vincent are quietly swapping arm-polishing products tips with each other. Damn. We should totally write this.
***
KadrinHeroSchool: Look at this, look at this. "Robert R. McCammon's novel Swan Song bears a strong resemblance to The Stand, featuring an apocalyptic event that significantly reduces the world's population, and an evil, supernatural figure against whom a band of survivors struggle over time." MORONS. MORONS, MORONS, MORONS. THERE IS SUCH A THING AS ARCHETYPAL STORIES. HAMLET IS SHAKESPEARE'S MOST DISAPPOINTING TERMINATOR SEQUEL YET.
ThorneScratch: I AGREE. LET'S YELL ABOUT IT IN ALL CAPS! ALSO, I DON'T LIKE FRAN.
KadrinHeroSchool: OH GOD, FRAN GOLDSMITH, WORSE THAN HITLER.
ThorneScratch: SERIOUSLY, IT'S ALL "BLAH BLAH DIARY I MADE LOVE TO STU EVEN THOUGH I AM PREGNANT AND HAROLD IS OBVIOUSLY UPSET ABOUT IT." SHUT UP, FRAN!
KadrinHeroSchool: "IT'S A GOOD THING I HAVE DECIDED THAT HAROLD IS UNAMBIGUOUSLY EVIL OR I MIGHT FEEL BAD ABOUT TREATING HIM LIKE CRAP ALL THE TIME."
KadrinHeroSchool: "I'M A SAINT. A PRETTY, USELESS, PORCELAIN SAINT WHO EVERYONE LOVES. WAAAH DO THINGS FOR ME I AM PETULANT."
ThorneScratch: "NOW I WILL BELITTLE HIM IN FRONT OF GROUPS OF PEOPLE BECAUSE SURELY HE WON'T MIND THAT."
ThorneScratch: "I'M A MAIN CHARACTER, OF COURSE MY BABY WILL LIVE. AND MY LOVE INTEREST."
KadrinHeroSchool: What gets me is:
"Hah hah Harold you suck."
"Your constant belittling of him on top of the knocks life had already dealt out to him turned Harold evil."
"...well, then, it's a good thing he's evil, otherwise I'd feel bad about mocking him."
"Yes! The evil you helped to nurture certainly justifies your nurturing of his evil! We love Frannie's circular logic! Fran is right about everything! Unless she tries to do anything, because she is female and therefore useless."
ThorneScratch: Still, if it comes down to her or Bill Denborough, which one bothers you more?
KadrinHeroSchool: Denborough, because he stole the spotlight from more worthy characters. If you skip over every page with Fran in it, you've still got a big meaty book in The Stand. If you skip over every page with Bill in it, It becomes a pamphlet.
ThorneScratch: True. Although Ben got a slightly better ending than I had hoped for, even if it was still sort of hed pasted on yay.
KadrinHeroSchool: Gender issues, too. Beverly isn't treated so much as a character as a prize in that ending.
ThorneScratch: Yes. Plus, UNDERAGE GROUP SEX IN THE SEWERS, WHAT THE HELL, STEPHEN KING?
KadrinHeroSchool: I knew that was coming and it is only right that it was coming.
KadrinHeroSchool: ...The outrage, not the underage sewersex.
ThorneScratch: Your clarification is mighty. Yes, it's just.... EW. And unnecessary. It doesn't add anything to the story; each of them had their "talent/contribution" and Beverly's slingshot skills were PERFECTLY adequate. There was no need to drag underage sewer sex into it.
ThorneScratch: Maybe Tabitha wrote that part.
KadrinHeroSchool: BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS ENDURING AND PLATONIC LOVE LIKE ELEVEN-YEAR-OLDS HAVING SEX IN UNSANITARY CONDITIONS.
ThorneScratch: It does make one wonder! See, he mentions in his book on writing about a lot of it stems from his life! DID STEPHEN KING HAVE UNDERAGE SEX IN THE SEWERS?!
KadrinHeroSchool: It's also entirely possible that King thought slingshot-fighting was too male, because it was, you know, fighting, and decided that it would be best to pay homage to her feminine nature by reducing her to the level of a sexual object. And then he wondered why the feminists were burning him in effigy again.
KadrinHeroSchool: Either way I don't need to hear about it.
ThorneScratch: I'm gonna go with the "too gorked out on drugs to understand bad choices" option, although that is certainly also likely! Yeah, I mean. I just. It is over. No more sewersex. Never again. It has been stricken from the record.
KadrinHeroSchool: "I HAVE THE ENTIRE GDP OF COLOMBIA UP MY NOSE RIGHT NOW, HOW ABOUT SOME UNDERAGE SEWERSEX"
And Tabitha said, "I am a bad writer, that sounds like a great idea."
ThorneScratch: It is a well known fact that Stephen King cannot have an orgasm unless he mentions the state of Maine.
KadrinHeroSchool: Coincidentally, every time Stephen King mentions the state of Maine, a dog dies.
ThorneScratch: Also, someone states a folksy slang saying without even knowing why.
KadrinHeroSchool:
"Don't shit in my hand and tell me it's Jesus!"
"Eww. What?"
"I... don't... know!"
ThorneScratch: Man, you know his notebook has "Mr. Stephen Deschain. Mr. Roland King" scribbled all over it. With hearts.
KadrinHeroSchool: "Mr. Cuthbert no wait i think i'm gayer for roland"
ThorneScratch: "maybe we can have a threesome after roland and i get married."
KadrinHeroSchool: In the original draft of The Dark Tower, Roland's question "Do'ee dream of love with men?" was answered "Only you, Roland. Only you." and the rest of the book was a sex scene. In a sewer.
ThorneScratch: OH NO, YOU DI
ThorneScratch: ...'INT.
KadrinHeroSchool: I snapped so hard it knocked the rest of your line off, it seems.
ThorneScratch: Yes. Was this before or after the erotic strip commala dance?
KadrinHeroSchool: Don't know. It's a first draft, the timeline's a little confused.
***
KadrinHeroSchool: I am awake.
ThorneScratch: No, you are still dreaming. Also, you're a butterfly.
KadrinHeroSchool: I guess I have no choice but to revolutionise the world, huh?
ThorneScratch: Yeah, but you'll have to hurry or all the good rose colors will be taken. You'll get stuck with puce, or something.
KadrinHeroSchool: The Puce Rose Duellists. It doesn't really have much of a ring to it.
ThorneScratch: Nope. No one will take you seriously. Touga won't even bother to seduce you!
KadrinHeroSchool: That I don't believe.
ThorneScratch: It'll be a lackadaisical seduction. He'll be on the phone the entire time.
KadrinHeroSchool: Boing.
ThorneScratch: You know, I think Baco is right. Saionji totally wanted to be a pretty, pretty princess, and he is mad because he can't be.
KadrinHeroSchool: I'm thinkin' about it! I have Thinkin' Times. It does make sense, he certainly screws up the Doin' Stuff role.
ThorneScratch: Well, I mean, after Anthy caught him trying on her Rose Bride dress that first time, the proof was in the pudding.
KadrinHeroSchool: Now I'm just picturing Saionji with the Mulder-voice. "I. Did. Not."
ThorneScratch:
Saionji: I was drugged!
Anthy: I told you not to drink my suspiciously fizzing water.
KadrinHeroSchool: "We don't have secrets in this relationship. Nor private property." Then Saionji slapped a vampire twenty six times.
ThorneScratch: Meanwhile, Nanami is clinging to the back of a runaway RV, after failing to shoot out its tires.
KadrinHeroSchool: "ONIISAMA!" she shouts.
ThorneScratch: Saionji remembers Akio as having big buck teeth.
KadrinHeroSchool: When pressed, he'll come down to "He had a slight overbite", BUT NO FURTHER.