FF7, Damage Control
A drabble for 2metaldog, who asked for Something about Tseng and Reno? They look so wonderfully wrong together from the "Name something you think I won't write" meme.
It's sort of a fun meme, even if I do think dev_chieftain's ideas will give me an aneurysm.
Tseng woke up with a massive hangover, the inside of his mouth tasting like an entire pack of bandersnatches had shed, mated, and then died in it, and Reno standing naked in his bathroom, holding Tseng's toothbrush and looking at it with interest, if not much recognition.
"You slept with me," Reno said, glancing over his shoulder. "I want a twenty five percent raise."
Tseng tried very hard to kill himself through the sheer power of his mind, and failing that, to kill Reno. The best he could manage was a short moan. Bullets. He needed bullets.
"I was going to ask for fifty percent, but I think I was on top, so I'm cutting you a break."
He wondered where Rude and Elena were. He was going to have to kill them as well, since he would never be able to look them in the eye again. It would be difficult, but not impossible. He might be able to get Elena to kill Rude for him, if he didn't wear his shirt when he asked her. Then he'd… hit her with something. Or take off his pants and hope she'd have a heart attack.
"Of course, that means I probably did all the work. Maybe I should get fifty percent."
Rufus wouldn't be too difficult, either. He'd probably be too busy laughing. And Reeve wouldn't be able to put up much of a fight. Killing Reeve might mean having to deal with Strife, though. But even that could be managed, with just the right touch. It was suicide to go head to head, but deliveries could be called for; bombs could accidentally replace innocuous packages. Of course, killing Strife meant also killing the rest of AVALANCHE. Again, not too difficult if he picked them off one by one, or maybe he could just repeat a classic and wait until they all assembled together, then drop the roof of the building on them. It also meant killing Valentine, and that would be a challenge.
But Tseng hadn't risen to become head of the Turks in one of the shortest recorded times for nothing. Damage control was possible. He could handle this.
"Hey, the video camera is still recording."
It usually took about twelve hours to fly to the Crater. Tseng hoped very hard that the Black Materia was still usable.
It's sort of a fun meme, even if I do think dev_chieftain's ideas will give me an aneurysm.
Tseng woke up with a massive hangover, the inside of his mouth tasting like an entire pack of bandersnatches had shed, mated, and then died in it, and Reno standing naked in his bathroom, holding Tseng's toothbrush and looking at it with interest, if not much recognition.
"You slept with me," Reno said, glancing over his shoulder. "I want a twenty five percent raise."
Tseng tried very hard to kill himself through the sheer power of his mind, and failing that, to kill Reno. The best he could manage was a short moan. Bullets. He needed bullets.
"I was going to ask for fifty percent, but I think I was on top, so I'm cutting you a break."
He wondered where Rude and Elena were. He was going to have to kill them as well, since he would never be able to look them in the eye again. It would be difficult, but not impossible. He might be able to get Elena to kill Rude for him, if he didn't wear his shirt when he asked her. Then he'd… hit her with something. Or take off his pants and hope she'd have a heart attack.
"Of course, that means I probably did all the work. Maybe I should get fifty percent."
Rufus wouldn't be too difficult, either. He'd probably be too busy laughing. And Reeve wouldn't be able to put up much of a fight. Killing Reeve might mean having to deal with Strife, though. But even that could be managed, with just the right touch. It was suicide to go head to head, but deliveries could be called for; bombs could accidentally replace innocuous packages. Of course, killing Strife meant also killing the rest of AVALANCHE. Again, not too difficult if he picked them off one by one, or maybe he could just repeat a classic and wait until they all assembled together, then drop the roof of the building on them. It also meant killing Valentine, and that would be a challenge.
But Tseng hadn't risen to become head of the Turks in one of the shortest recorded times for nothing. Damage control was possible. He could handle this.
"Hey, the video camera is still recording."
It usually took about twelve hours to fly to the Crater. Tseng hoped very hard that the Black Materia was still usable.