The white sails still fly seaward, seaward flying
God, it feels like it’s been February for forever now.
It has been colder than all the body parts of a well-digging witch of late, and dumping snow and sleet all over the place to boot. This was great when I was in college and didn’t have to go to class because of it, but now has lost much of its allure, especially when I’m chipping the car out of the driveway with a hammer and chisel in chilly pre-dawn darkness. Fucking ice. Fucking job.
But I went down to Great Falls, wrapped in five layers, and walked all over the place, including out onto the frozen-over river which I don’t get to do often enough. There were folks skating over it, children sledding down the river banks, dogs slipping over it-- Welsh Corgies trying to navigate on ice is pretty much the most hilarious thing ever-- and I managed to get out into the middle of Widewater and get a picture of myself standing on top of about thirty feet of frozen-over water and grinning like a fool.
Great Falls was beautiful in the snow. You’ve got the stark blackness of most of the trees against the snow, interspersed with the white sycamore trunks, and here and there are the cloudy groups of beech trees that keep their leaves until spring, shading from white to very pale gold. They look like the ghosts of trees. (Or, if you want to be a geek, they look like leftovers from the Lothlorien set of the Lord of the Rings movies. Eat it, Legolas. I too can walk on top of snow when it’s negative degrees out.)
I do miss St. Mary’s a little right now, more for the scenery than anything else. One of the best memories I have of snow while I was going to school down there, was going down to the Point at night and watching the snow fall over the water. You couldn’t see anything beyond the rim of the river because of the dark, there was just the sound of the water on the rocks and the snow falling. It was cold as hell, and there was ice forming on the rocks, and up on the shore where the waves broke highest. Every now and then, the light house would flash in the distance, but even that could barely cut through. I’ve never felt surrounded by so much space in my life.
I can’t remember if Louise was with me. She probably was. Nearly all my Point expeditions after second semester of freshman year had her along. Normally we talk, though, and what I remember is the silence and the utter contentment of sitting there and watching the snow fall into the water. It is possible that we were Having A Moment. So that’s a good memory, and I miss that.
But now the weather is getting warmer and I am hopeful of emerging from the inevitable grey doom of February. It doesn’t seem like a month this short and packed with things-- Valentine’s Day, Presidents’ Day, Chinese New Year, Mardi Gras, and Lent to name a few-- should last as long and depressingly as it does. February is my arch-nemesis of months.
And today marks the start of Lent, so. I feel like I should be thinking about turning over a new leaf, or at least brainstorming what to tell my mother when she inevitably asks me what I’ll be giving up. I’m too tired to do anything these days, though. Frustrated, too. That is why I am just going to dump a lot of conversations here instead of trying to write anything approaching to regular life.
Half of the AIM is about politics. A quarter of it is about Pyramid Head. The other quarter is about ninja blaxploitation films and the sex lives of sharks. I like for people to be able to have some variety to choose from.
(Starting with the politics. First, Twig had a stroke of brilliance)
twigcollins: Lots of snow? We still haven't got any. I hope it dumps half the Arctic on us. This whole global warming thing is getting really scary.
twigcollins: Thawing permafrost... *shiver* End of humans... *double shiver* Well, okay, all the assholes would die too, so it's sort of a double-sided coin.
ThorneScratch: Yeah. Maybe Al Gore can save us.
twigcollins: Al Gore and Barack Obama as superheroes. Edwards can be the sidekick.
ThorneScratch: In tights! And panties.
twigcollins: "Golly gee, Mr. Obama, aliens are attacking the White House!"
twigcollins: Obama would stop them with his dazzling wit and personality, while Al Gore commands the trees to attack.
ThorneScratch: Al Gore should have some small animal that rides on his shoulder. Woodland creatures do his bidding!
twigcollins: Chippy the Squirrel. While Obama possesses the powers of all the charismatic presidents of the past. It's like Knights of the Round.
ThorneScratch: Yes. Obama can, like, summon up JFK from beyond the grave if he wants to.
twigcollins: He summons Washington, Lincoln, Roosevelt, Clinton and for the finale.... yeah, JFK. Exactly. JFK as a Bahamut-esque being of perfect light and snappy dressing.
ThorneScratch: Man, I miss Clinton. He was entertaining. I like a president who eats French fries.
twigcollins: Clinton was laid back. You knew if you invited him to a BBQ, he'd bring a six-pack and help work the grill.
***
(Then, Patrick chimed in with his brilliance)
KadrinHeroSchool: Al Gore's the mysterious rurouni. Every time Obama shows up at a crime scene, Gore shows up a little later, to be mysterious and make Powerpoint presentations.
ThorneScratch: Plus, he was probably doing some voice-acting on Futurama. I dig that. He probably went all crazy up in the mountains somewhere and grew that beard, but it taught him how to harness his chi into a hadouken attack.
KadrinHeroSchool: "You don't need the beard, Al!" Barack shouts in a battle after Gore's been shaved. "The magic is in you!"
ThorneScratch: Al Gore's limit break. Man, but of course you know Obama has the Healer/Summoner Final Attack. Possibly, there are sparkles and angels involved in it, and everyone gets to be invincible for five minutes.
KadrinHeroSchool: All of his summon-attack Presidents in the sky, holding up their hands in glorious benediction. John Ashcroft weeps at the sight, knowing that he's spent his life on a lie but maybe - maybe! - there's still a chance for redemption. Meanwhile, Edwards is gamboling around: "This is so super-cool, Mr. Obama!"
ThorneScratch: Before they disappear, Washington gives a smile with his wooden teeth, Clinton makes a suggestive gesture, and JFK winks. Of course, you know there's a sidequest in this game where Dick Cheney kidnaps John Edwards, and you have to get him back. It's perilous, but manageable. However, Dick Cheney's final boss form? Hoo boy. Let us just say that it makes the bosses in Silent Hill look tame. Also, Dick Cheney can summon evil Lincoln..
KadrinHeroSchool: Make the right moves in the battle, and you get a cinematic where Lincoln fights evil Lincoln. It includes the line: "Bring it on, boy, I'm gonna emancipate your teeth."
ThorneScratch: "Four score and seven years ago... I was ready to rrruuummmbbbllleee!"
KadrinHeroSchool: It's like the Showdown of Fate, except with less head-hair, more facial hair, and five hundred percent more awesome.
ThorneScratch: And stovepipe hats. I mean, not too many of our presidents are famous for their hats. But he was. I don't know if anybody has wings, though. If Dick Cheney does, they're skeletal ones.
KadrinHeroSchool: Lincoln and Evil Lincoln fight with their stovepipe hats. It's like that scene where Bender and Flexo fight with their antennae.
***
(Finally, we all somehow stumbled into the same chatroom, and this came up during the conversation)
KadrinHeroSchool: Twig, you've probably seen this, you read Slacktivist, but still, I think it worth pointing out.
KadrinHeroSchool: http://www.watsonswildlife.com/images3/praying_for_peace_RDF.jpg
KadrinHeroSchool: It's like Obama's summons are turning to the dark side. It's the Dark Aeon version of Lincoln and Washington.
twigcollins: God, I have seen that before, not on Slacktivist. The first time I saw it I think I could hear a part of my soul dying. Those are definitely Dark Aeon Presidents Bush has summoned. Obama must take up his staff and dance on the water to save us all. Hilary can be the spunky blitzballer
KadrinHeroSchool: Al Gore can be Kimahri.
twigcollins: Totally.
ThorneScratch: Wait, who is Tidus? Hilary? Oh God.
twigcollins: Does that make Bill Clinton Jecht?
ThorneScratch: Condi is Yunalesca?
twigcollins: I think Hilary would make a better hot goth chick. Kerry is not Auron.
ThorneScratch: Kerry is that other summoner. The guy. Who isn't the star.
twigcollins: Yuna's dad?
ThorneScratch: No, Isaaru? I think? Although maybe Braska is better.
KadrinHeroSchool: Isaaru!
twigcollins: Michael Moore can be a good summon. Rush Limbaugh is his dark equivalent. I love talking politics.
ThorneScratch: Wait, so Bush Sr. became a summon and traumatized Dubaya for life?
twigcollins: Or Barbara Bush. Barbara Bush is Yunalesca.
ThorneScratch: Better her than Condi, yes. Condi has to be someone, though.
KadrinHeroSchool: George Flux on Mount Gagazet, mocking Al Gore-- "I'd like to speak to the last of the environmentalists. They threw themselves at my policy statements, one... by one... by one!"
twigcollins: Condi can be the evil Shiva and Kadrin just made me laugh so hard I swallowed my own tonsils.
twigcollins: Cheney. God. Cheney is that evil little cube thing at the very end of the game.
ThorneScratch: I almost want Al Gore to be Auron instead of Kimahri.
twigcollins: Bill Clinton could be Auron.
KadrinHeroSchool: ...that makes sense. Bill Clinton is killed by Barbara Bush and stumbles down the mountain, asking Al Gore with his dying breath to take care of little Obama.
twigcollins: Cheney's ultimate attack is to shoot the entire party in the face.
ThorneScratch: You kill him by asking him questions about his lesbian daughter and inciting multiple heart attacks. It takes at least seven heart attacks.
KadrinHeroSchool: Without his heart, of course, he continues to survive for the final battle. Nexechy.
twigcollins: To reveal his true form... Nixon!
ThorneScratch: DU DUN DUUUUUUUN~!
KadrinHeroSchool: ...you are aware that we've just married Auron to Tidus.
ThorneScratch: Yes, well, it's nothing the fangirls wouldn't have done on their own.
twigcollins: In the grand tradition of fanficcers everywhere.
Actually, the more I think about it the more I think Condi is Dona, that other bitchy summoner who tries to ruin Yuna's quest. Also, I will pay one hundred American dollars to the first person who can reasonably photoshop Barack Obama into Yuna's summoner outfit, or indeed, photoshop any of the other abominations-before-God character mash-ups that we conjectured. One hundred Yanqui dollars.
...Well, no, I probably won't, but you will earn my respect until Al Gore ascends into higher matter and the sun goes out and the universe collapses into heat-death.
***
(All Pyramid Head All The Time!)
twigcollins:: It's not exactly NSFW, and at the same time, so much worse.
ThorneScratch: It's like that Invader Zim thing you showed me. Just this disquieting feeling of wrongness.
twigcollins:: Like being in Silent Hill on the top level. The one where everything is ok. And yet… and yet…
ThorneScratch: You know any second now shit will happen and you will possibly be cut in half?
twigcollins:: Yeah. You know what would be awesome?
ThorneScratch: Tapioca?
twigcollins:: If Pyramid Head stopped the killing for a day and just did purple nurples. It would still suck because I bet he's really good at it.
twigcollins:: Also tapioca, yes.
ThorneScratch: Yes, little torments! Like wet willies! Noogies. Indian burns. Wedgies. Getting wedgied by Pyramid Head must be so traumatic.
twigcollins:: Like, you're all screamy and cowery, like AAAAAAAH… and he just turns you around and gives you an atomic wedgie.
ThorneScratch: And then he points at you and does whatever passes for laughter with him. Some sort of hideous rumble. It's just like high school all over again. Possibly, he gives you a swirlie.
twigcollins:: Hell's swirlie
ThorneScratch: In Silent Hill toilets, that is no small thing.
twigcollins:: No kidding. Toilets of the damned
ThorneScratch: Pyramid Head would be the best motivational speaker. Who would not be motivated by him?
twigcollins:: "Straighten up and fly right or I'll fucking cut you in half."
twigcollins:: I mean, he doesn't even have to say it. It's rather well implied
ThorneScratch: He just stands there. He doesn't even have to talk. Just meaningfully taps his knife a few times.
twigcollins:: He's the scared straight program. Of course, half the participants' balls don't drop, but they're model citizens.
***
twigcollins:: http://youtube.com/watch?v=-q3pehB_LQg
twigcollins:: Terror. Like, one is bad enough. Two is fairly apocalyptic. Three or more, and it's all over.
ThorneScratch: I am clicking but reserving wincing power.
twigcollins:: And because I love--
twigcollins:: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alRrMoSuDY0
twigcollins:: The LA Weekly has an interesting article about a snow cone vendor who was allegedly murdered by his girlfriend after a witch doctor told her the snow cone vendor had placed a curse on her. Ice cream is no laughing matter.
ThorneScratch: Killer Voodoo Sno Cones would be a great band name.
ThorneScratch: OH GOD OH GOD I MAY NEVER SLEEP AGAIN OH GOD
ThorneScratch: …that is so the greatest thing ever. And that random Roman centurion in the middle of it. He's just so there.
twigcollins:: He's from Eternal Darkness. He's an undead Roman Centurion in service to Cuthulu
ThorneScratch: All I've ever wanted in life is to see three Pyramid Heads and a Roman Centurion dancing to Star Wars music. Those videos will flash across my vision when I die.
twigcollins:: Also, http://darkazriel.livejournal.com/240170.html#cutid1
***
(This is the kind of movie you have to be drunk for days beforehand to see.)
ThorneScratch: Oh Saionji, you are an emo bastard.
KadrinHeroSchool: He is born of emo. There's probably going to be a post soon of Why Saionji Is So Damn Emo.
ThorneScratch: You were the one, I think, who showed me that fanart of him in the rectangular emo glasses and the black turtleneck. I mean, exhibit A, right there.
KadrinHeroSchool: ...I actually added the emo glasses.
ThorneScratch: Well, you did the right thing. The glasses were foreordained.
KadrinHeroSchool: Like destiny. It's rather like the emo version of X/1999. Which is much more restrained than the actual version of X/1999. BURN ON YOU, CLAMP.
ThorneScratch: OH NO GIRL YOU DI'INT!!!1! Man, dissing Clamp is so easy. It's not even a challenge anymore.
KadrinHeroSchool: I think they might actually diss themselves just by existing.
ThorneScratch: Eventually they'll collapse into themselves in a swirl of cherry petals. Like a black hole.
KadrinHeroSchool: A blackura hole. ...No, wait, blackura sounds like ninja blaxploitation films. PAM GRIER IS... BLACKURA!
ThorneScratch: Oh my God that is the most awesome thing I have heard today.
KadrinHeroSchool: I just thought of the first person I could think of. ...my God, my brain really isn't working today.
***
(Do you know how much adult Finding Nemo fiction there is out there? Way more than necessary.)
twigcollins:: I could do a cool yaoi story with that premise. Seaside village is under attack, kid kisses shark on nose, turns it into beast that saves the village. But he is banished with his shark that becomes a hot dude out of the water.
twigcollins:: …and I'm doomed.
ThorneScratch: TWIG.
twigcollins:: *cower*
ThorneScratch: I AM TELLING LUNAR TO COME SHAKE SOME SENSE INTO YOU.
twigcollins:: NOOOOOOOO.
ThorneScratch: You are so busted.
twigcollins:: >eramundo: Gay WHAT?
twigcollins:: Doom on all sides
ThorneScratch: Well, just don't make it into a gay fairy tale. That way lies madness.
twigcollins:: God no. I've had a couple ideas for short yaoi pieces though. Just to pass the time. Nothing multi-chapter.
ThorneScratch:
>eramundo: …how can fish be gay? They don't even do the insertion thing.
>eramundo: Well, actually sharks might...
>eramundo: I can't remember.
>ThorneScratch: Don't some of them lay eggs?
>ThorneScratch: Now I'm all thinking about are the mechanics of shark sex.
>ThorneScratch: Goddammit.
ThorneScratch: I have heard you say that before. And then your short pieces turn out, like, fifty chapters long.
twigcollins:: I can write short things about gay shark sex!
twigcollins:: NO ONE TELL FLIDGET.
ThorneScratch: OH FLIDGET IS SO GOING TO BE TOLD.
twigcollins:: I WILL RENOUNCE YOU.
ThorneScratch: I WILL TELL THE WORLD OF YOUR SEAHORSE FETISH.
twigcollins:: WOT?
twigcollins:: …I just like to watch
ThorneScratch: Sure, sure. It's okay. Flidget and I have dolphins.
twigcollins:: DON'T PATRONIZE ME.
ThorneScratch: Hey, you know what hot marine creature sex story you should write?
ThorneScratch: Either sea cucumbers or starfish
twigcollins:: SHUT UP
twigcollins:: STOP
twigcollins:: TALKING
twigcollins:: WITH YOUR FACE
ThorneScratch: I'm so serious.
twigcollins:: God, sea cucumber? It's so squishy.
ThorneScratch: It can be all angstful.
twigcollins:: GAAAAAAH I HATE YOU.
ThorneScratch: Well, you know, since sea cucumbers turn inside out and squirt white goo when disturbed, it's not like I'm out of left field on this. And starfish regenerate limbs! Detachable star-wang!
twigcollins:: haaaaaaaaate.
This moving offices thing is a real drag. Expect the new work-filter to get broken in any day now.
It has been colder than all the body parts of a well-digging witch of late, and dumping snow and sleet all over the place to boot. This was great when I was in college and didn’t have to go to class because of it, but now has lost much of its allure, especially when I’m chipping the car out of the driveway with a hammer and chisel in chilly pre-dawn darkness. Fucking ice. Fucking job.
But I went down to Great Falls, wrapped in five layers, and walked all over the place, including out onto the frozen-over river which I don’t get to do often enough. There were folks skating over it, children sledding down the river banks, dogs slipping over it-- Welsh Corgies trying to navigate on ice is pretty much the most hilarious thing ever-- and I managed to get out into the middle of Widewater and get a picture of myself standing on top of about thirty feet of frozen-over water and grinning like a fool.
Great Falls was beautiful in the snow. You’ve got the stark blackness of most of the trees against the snow, interspersed with the white sycamore trunks, and here and there are the cloudy groups of beech trees that keep their leaves until spring, shading from white to very pale gold. They look like the ghosts of trees. (Or, if you want to be a geek, they look like leftovers from the Lothlorien set of the Lord of the Rings movies. Eat it, Legolas. I too can walk on top of snow when it’s negative degrees out.)
I do miss St. Mary’s a little right now, more for the scenery than anything else. One of the best memories I have of snow while I was going to school down there, was going down to the Point at night and watching the snow fall over the water. You couldn’t see anything beyond the rim of the river because of the dark, there was just the sound of the water on the rocks and the snow falling. It was cold as hell, and there was ice forming on the rocks, and up on the shore where the waves broke highest. Every now and then, the light house would flash in the distance, but even that could barely cut through. I’ve never felt surrounded by so much space in my life.
I can’t remember if Louise was with me. She probably was. Nearly all my Point expeditions after second semester of freshman year had her along. Normally we talk, though, and what I remember is the silence and the utter contentment of sitting there and watching the snow fall into the water. It is possible that we were Having A Moment. So that’s a good memory, and I miss that.
But now the weather is getting warmer and I am hopeful of emerging from the inevitable grey doom of February. It doesn’t seem like a month this short and packed with things-- Valentine’s Day, Presidents’ Day, Chinese New Year, Mardi Gras, and Lent to name a few-- should last as long and depressingly as it does. February is my arch-nemesis of months.
And today marks the start of Lent, so. I feel like I should be thinking about turning over a new leaf, or at least brainstorming what to tell my mother when she inevitably asks me what I’ll be giving up. I’m too tired to do anything these days, though. Frustrated, too. That is why I am just going to dump a lot of conversations here instead of trying to write anything approaching to regular life.
Half of the AIM is about politics. A quarter of it is about Pyramid Head. The other quarter is about ninja blaxploitation films and the sex lives of sharks. I like for people to be able to have some variety to choose from.
(Starting with the politics. First, Twig had a stroke of brilliance)
twigcollins: Lots of snow? We still haven't got any. I hope it dumps half the Arctic on us. This whole global warming thing is getting really scary.
twigcollins: Thawing permafrost... *shiver* End of humans... *double shiver* Well, okay, all the assholes would die too, so it's sort of a double-sided coin.
ThorneScratch: Yeah. Maybe Al Gore can save us.
twigcollins: Al Gore and Barack Obama as superheroes. Edwards can be the sidekick.
ThorneScratch: In tights! And panties.
twigcollins: "Golly gee, Mr. Obama, aliens are attacking the White House!"
twigcollins: Obama would stop them with his dazzling wit and personality, while Al Gore commands the trees to attack.
ThorneScratch: Al Gore should have some small animal that rides on his shoulder. Woodland creatures do his bidding!
twigcollins: Chippy the Squirrel. While Obama possesses the powers of all the charismatic presidents of the past. It's like Knights of the Round.
ThorneScratch: Yes. Obama can, like, summon up JFK from beyond the grave if he wants to.
twigcollins: He summons Washington, Lincoln, Roosevelt, Clinton and for the finale.... yeah, JFK. Exactly. JFK as a Bahamut-esque being of perfect light and snappy dressing.
ThorneScratch: Man, I miss Clinton. He was entertaining. I like a president who eats French fries.
twigcollins: Clinton was laid back. You knew if you invited him to a BBQ, he'd bring a six-pack and help work the grill.
***
(Then, Patrick chimed in with his brilliance)
KadrinHeroSchool: Al Gore's the mysterious rurouni. Every time Obama shows up at a crime scene, Gore shows up a little later, to be mysterious and make Powerpoint presentations.
ThorneScratch: Plus, he was probably doing some voice-acting on Futurama. I dig that. He probably went all crazy up in the mountains somewhere and grew that beard, but it taught him how to harness his chi into a hadouken attack.
KadrinHeroSchool: "You don't need the beard, Al!" Barack shouts in a battle after Gore's been shaved. "The magic is in you!"
ThorneScratch: Al Gore's limit break. Man, but of course you know Obama has the Healer/Summoner Final Attack. Possibly, there are sparkles and angels involved in it, and everyone gets to be invincible for five minutes.
KadrinHeroSchool: All of his summon-attack Presidents in the sky, holding up their hands in glorious benediction. John Ashcroft weeps at the sight, knowing that he's spent his life on a lie but maybe - maybe! - there's still a chance for redemption. Meanwhile, Edwards is gamboling around: "This is so super-cool, Mr. Obama!"
ThorneScratch: Before they disappear, Washington gives a smile with his wooden teeth, Clinton makes a suggestive gesture, and JFK winks. Of course, you know there's a sidequest in this game where Dick Cheney kidnaps John Edwards, and you have to get him back. It's perilous, but manageable. However, Dick Cheney's final boss form? Hoo boy. Let us just say that it makes the bosses in Silent Hill look tame. Also, Dick Cheney can summon evil Lincoln..
KadrinHeroSchool: Make the right moves in the battle, and you get a cinematic where Lincoln fights evil Lincoln. It includes the line: "Bring it on, boy, I'm gonna emancipate your teeth."
ThorneScratch: "Four score and seven years ago... I was ready to rrruuummmbbbllleee!"
KadrinHeroSchool: It's like the Showdown of Fate, except with less head-hair, more facial hair, and five hundred percent more awesome.
ThorneScratch: And stovepipe hats. I mean, not too many of our presidents are famous for their hats. But he was. I don't know if anybody has wings, though. If Dick Cheney does, they're skeletal ones.
KadrinHeroSchool: Lincoln and Evil Lincoln fight with their stovepipe hats. It's like that scene where Bender and Flexo fight with their antennae.
***
(Finally, we all somehow stumbled into the same chatroom, and this came up during the conversation)
KadrinHeroSchool: Twig, you've probably seen this, you read Slacktivist, but still, I think it worth pointing out.
KadrinHeroSchool: http://www.watsonswildlife.com/images3/praying_for_peace_RDF.jpg
KadrinHeroSchool: It's like Obama's summons are turning to the dark side. It's the Dark Aeon version of Lincoln and Washington.
twigcollins: God, I have seen that before, not on Slacktivist. The first time I saw it I think I could hear a part of my soul dying. Those are definitely Dark Aeon Presidents Bush has summoned. Obama must take up his staff and dance on the water to save us all. Hilary can be the spunky blitzballer
KadrinHeroSchool: Al Gore can be Kimahri.
twigcollins: Totally.
ThorneScratch: Wait, who is Tidus? Hilary? Oh God.
twigcollins: Does that make Bill Clinton Jecht?
ThorneScratch: Condi is Yunalesca?
twigcollins: I think Hilary would make a better hot goth chick. Kerry is not Auron.
ThorneScratch: Kerry is that other summoner. The guy. Who isn't the star.
twigcollins: Yuna's dad?
ThorneScratch: No, Isaaru? I think? Although maybe Braska is better.
KadrinHeroSchool: Isaaru!
twigcollins: Michael Moore can be a good summon. Rush Limbaugh is his dark equivalent. I love talking politics.
ThorneScratch: Wait, so Bush Sr. became a summon and traumatized Dubaya for life?
twigcollins: Or Barbara Bush. Barbara Bush is Yunalesca.
ThorneScratch: Better her than Condi, yes. Condi has to be someone, though.
KadrinHeroSchool: George Flux on Mount Gagazet, mocking Al Gore-- "I'd like to speak to the last of the environmentalists. They threw themselves at my policy statements, one... by one... by one!"
twigcollins: Condi can be the evil Shiva and Kadrin just made me laugh so hard I swallowed my own tonsils.
twigcollins: Cheney. God. Cheney is that evil little cube thing at the very end of the game.
ThorneScratch: I almost want Al Gore to be Auron instead of Kimahri.
twigcollins: Bill Clinton could be Auron.
KadrinHeroSchool: ...that makes sense. Bill Clinton is killed by Barbara Bush and stumbles down the mountain, asking Al Gore with his dying breath to take care of little Obama.
twigcollins: Cheney's ultimate attack is to shoot the entire party in the face.
ThorneScratch: You kill him by asking him questions about his lesbian daughter and inciting multiple heart attacks. It takes at least seven heart attacks.
KadrinHeroSchool: Without his heart, of course, he continues to survive for the final battle. Nexechy.
twigcollins: To reveal his true form... Nixon!
ThorneScratch: DU DUN DUUUUUUUN~!
KadrinHeroSchool: ...you are aware that we've just married Auron to Tidus.
ThorneScratch: Yes, well, it's nothing the fangirls wouldn't have done on their own.
twigcollins: In the grand tradition of fanficcers everywhere.
Actually, the more I think about it the more I think Condi is Dona, that other bitchy summoner who tries to ruin Yuna's quest. Also, I will pay one hundred American dollars to the first person who can reasonably photoshop Barack Obama into Yuna's summoner outfit, or indeed, photoshop any of the other abominations-before-God character mash-ups that we conjectured. One hundred Yanqui dollars.
...Well, no, I probably won't, but you will earn my respect until Al Gore ascends into higher matter and the sun goes out and the universe collapses into heat-death.
***
(All Pyramid Head All The Time!)
twigcollins:: It's not exactly NSFW, and at the same time, so much worse.
ThorneScratch: It's like that Invader Zim thing you showed me. Just this disquieting feeling of wrongness.
twigcollins:: Like being in Silent Hill on the top level. The one where everything is ok. And yet… and yet…
ThorneScratch: You know any second now shit will happen and you will possibly be cut in half?
twigcollins:: Yeah. You know what would be awesome?
ThorneScratch: Tapioca?
twigcollins:: If Pyramid Head stopped the killing for a day and just did purple nurples. It would still suck because I bet he's really good at it.
twigcollins:: Also tapioca, yes.
ThorneScratch: Yes, little torments! Like wet willies! Noogies. Indian burns. Wedgies. Getting wedgied by Pyramid Head must be so traumatic.
twigcollins:: Like, you're all screamy and cowery, like AAAAAAAH… and he just turns you around and gives you an atomic wedgie.
ThorneScratch: And then he points at you and does whatever passes for laughter with him. Some sort of hideous rumble. It's just like high school all over again. Possibly, he gives you a swirlie.
twigcollins:: Hell's swirlie
ThorneScratch: In Silent Hill toilets, that is no small thing.
twigcollins:: No kidding. Toilets of the damned
ThorneScratch: Pyramid Head would be the best motivational speaker. Who would not be motivated by him?
twigcollins:: "Straighten up and fly right or I'll fucking cut you in half."
twigcollins:: I mean, he doesn't even have to say it. It's rather well implied
ThorneScratch: He just stands there. He doesn't even have to talk. Just meaningfully taps his knife a few times.
twigcollins:: He's the scared straight program. Of course, half the participants' balls don't drop, but they're model citizens.
***
twigcollins:: http://youtube.com/watch?v=-q3pehB_LQg
twigcollins:: Terror. Like, one is bad enough. Two is fairly apocalyptic. Three or more, and it's all over.
ThorneScratch: I am clicking but reserving wincing power.
twigcollins:: And because I love--
twigcollins:: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alRrMoSuDY0
twigcollins:: The LA Weekly has an interesting article about a snow cone vendor who was allegedly murdered by his girlfriend after a witch doctor told her the snow cone vendor had placed a curse on her. Ice cream is no laughing matter.
ThorneScratch: Killer Voodoo Sno Cones would be a great band name.
ThorneScratch: OH GOD OH GOD I MAY NEVER SLEEP AGAIN OH GOD
ThorneScratch: …that is so the greatest thing ever. And that random Roman centurion in the middle of it. He's just so there.
twigcollins:: He's from Eternal Darkness. He's an undead Roman Centurion in service to Cuthulu
ThorneScratch: All I've ever wanted in life is to see three Pyramid Heads and a Roman Centurion dancing to Star Wars music. Those videos will flash across my vision when I die.
twigcollins:: Also, http://darkazriel.livejournal.com/240170.html#cutid1
***
(This is the kind of movie you have to be drunk for days beforehand to see.)
ThorneScratch: Oh Saionji, you are an emo bastard.
KadrinHeroSchool: He is born of emo. There's probably going to be a post soon of Why Saionji Is So Damn Emo.
ThorneScratch: You were the one, I think, who showed me that fanart of him in the rectangular emo glasses and the black turtleneck. I mean, exhibit A, right there.
KadrinHeroSchool: ...I actually added the emo glasses.
ThorneScratch: Well, you did the right thing. The glasses were foreordained.
KadrinHeroSchool: Like destiny. It's rather like the emo version of X/1999. Which is much more restrained than the actual version of X/1999. BURN ON YOU, CLAMP.
ThorneScratch: OH NO GIRL YOU DI'INT!!!1! Man, dissing Clamp is so easy. It's not even a challenge anymore.
KadrinHeroSchool: I think they might actually diss themselves just by existing.
ThorneScratch: Eventually they'll collapse into themselves in a swirl of cherry petals. Like a black hole.
KadrinHeroSchool: A blackura hole. ...No, wait, blackura sounds like ninja blaxploitation films. PAM GRIER IS... BLACKURA!
ThorneScratch: Oh my God that is the most awesome thing I have heard today.
KadrinHeroSchool: I just thought of the first person I could think of. ...my God, my brain really isn't working today.
***
(Do you know how much adult Finding Nemo fiction there is out there? Way more than necessary.)
twigcollins:: I could do a cool yaoi story with that premise. Seaside village is under attack, kid kisses shark on nose, turns it into beast that saves the village. But he is banished with his shark that becomes a hot dude out of the water.
twigcollins:: …and I'm doomed.
ThorneScratch: TWIG.
twigcollins:: *cower*
ThorneScratch: I AM TELLING LUNAR TO COME SHAKE SOME SENSE INTO YOU.
twigcollins:: NOOOOOOOO.
ThorneScratch: You are so busted.
twigcollins:: >eramundo: Gay WHAT?
twigcollins:: Doom on all sides
ThorneScratch: Well, just don't make it into a gay fairy tale. That way lies madness.
twigcollins:: God no. I've had a couple ideas for short yaoi pieces though. Just to pass the time. Nothing multi-chapter.
ThorneScratch:
>eramundo: …how can fish be gay? They don't even do the insertion thing.
>eramundo: Well, actually sharks might...
>eramundo: I can't remember.
>ThorneScratch: Don't some of them lay eggs?
>ThorneScratch: Now I'm all thinking about are the mechanics of shark sex.
>ThorneScratch: Goddammit.
ThorneScratch: I have heard you say that before. And then your short pieces turn out, like, fifty chapters long.
twigcollins:: I can write short things about gay shark sex!
twigcollins:: NO ONE TELL FLIDGET.
ThorneScratch: OH FLIDGET IS SO GOING TO BE TOLD.
twigcollins:: I WILL RENOUNCE YOU.
ThorneScratch: I WILL TELL THE WORLD OF YOUR SEAHORSE FETISH.
twigcollins:: WOT?
twigcollins:: …I just like to watch
ThorneScratch: Sure, sure. It's okay. Flidget and I have dolphins.
twigcollins:: DON'T PATRONIZE ME.
ThorneScratch: Hey, you know what hot marine creature sex story you should write?
ThorneScratch: Either sea cucumbers or starfish
twigcollins:: SHUT UP
twigcollins:: STOP
twigcollins:: TALKING
twigcollins:: WITH YOUR FACE
ThorneScratch: I'm so serious.
twigcollins:: God, sea cucumber? It's so squishy.
ThorneScratch: It can be all angstful.
twigcollins:: GAAAAAAH I HATE YOU.
ThorneScratch: Well, you know, since sea cucumbers turn inside out and squirt white goo when disturbed, it's not like I'm out of left field on this. And starfish regenerate limbs! Detachable star-wang!
twigcollins:: haaaaaaaaate.
This moving offices thing is a real drag. Expect the new work-filter to get broken in any day now.