Feelings
Hey its me I'm back again and tonight I just need to vent a little cause this is one of those nights where I need to let it all out in writing form. So please forgive my excessive bitching. okay well it was a good day for me up till a little while ago that's when my mom came in well I walked out of my bedroom, and went and talked to her and I smelled beer on her breath. Well I asked her if she had any and at first she said no but I was like stop your lying I can smell it on your breath. So she admitted to it, but the funny thing is she said she had some stored away and she didn't go get any, today but I just cant believe that because the other day when she had some, she told me that she had drank all of it. So I just cant believe her story, and she's getting all pissy with me as well, you see my mom had a real bad drinking problem a few years back and she lost her job over it, and her license. That's why it just pisses me off when she drinks, I've learned to accept her drinking a little, but I just ask her if she had any beer and most of time she lies to me saying she doesn't but I always see through the lie. I always keep her secrets from my dad, yet in the end she never trusts me and she always lies to me and then she takes things out on me that aren't even my fault. See she lost her brother when she was nineteen and he was close to thirteen, well anyhow she claims that's why she drinks so much, well I think now that that's just a excuse. Well anyway this is the month he died in, and she's always bitchy towards me around this time but nobody else, I think its because I'm named after him but that's not my fault I shouldn't get the bad end of the deal just because she had to name me after my Uncle Shawn. I feel like the way she treats me is because of the fact that I have part of his name, and the fact that I look just a little bit like him in the face, but damn it I cant help that and shouldn't be treated like crap! It gets old after a while, she likes to use me to her advantage but she never can treat me with kindness unless its going to get her, her way. I'm just really sick of this, I just want to tell her to get over it but I'm trying to be caring about the whole ordeal but its enough is enough its been over twenty or thirty years that he's been gone now. I never knew him, but I'm still trying to be considerate of my mom's feelings but at times its hard to when she treats me like this. Well I'm going to go now, I feel a bit better by getting that off my chest. So I'll right back later for now ja ne!