Feeling a little better...
A few of my friends from the dance team assured me that Jim isn't as mad as I think he is. I sure hope that their right. His plane from Florida comes in Saturday at noon. I'm actually leaving my Mom's house and driving to his house so I can ride with his parents to the airport to get him. I can't wait to see him because I do miss him a lot, even though I think he's mad at me. I feel really bad because I have horrible timing and I called him after practice which was around 11:00pm (I usually talk to him at this time), and I woke him up! I was like oh crap! And then I told him I'd talk to him tomorrow, but he called back and asked if I wanted anything in particular... like an idiot I said no, when I should have said something like, "I just wanted to call and tell you how much I love you." I am not smooth. I just wish I knew if he is mad at me because I am so worked up over this... I can't sleep at night, and as you can probably tell, this is the only thing that is on my mind. I just want to make things better.
Tomorrow I have a test in my communication disorders class... it is going to be rough. I haven't started studying yet. I should be studying right now instead of writing this journal entry, but no I'm not smart like that.
After my test spring break officially begins, however, I'm not too excited because I'm not doing anything.
My plans for spring break so far...
Thursday:
-Go to Dad's house.
Friday:
-Driving to Mom's house to be there at 11:00am.
-Shopping in Detroit for Jim's birthday present.
-Dinner with my Mom's fiance and his kids... (shoot me).
-Staying over at the dude's giant house.
Saturday:
-Be to Jim's house by 11:00am.
-Drive with Jim's parents to the airport to pick him up.
-Drive back to his house.
-Spend the night at Jim's.
Sunday:
-Jim's 21st birthday.
-Drive him back to Alma.
-Drive home (to Dad's).
Monday-Saturday is open. Call me, and we'll make plans to hang out.
It's an interesting thing having your parents trying to bribe you into staying with them over the summer. I don't want to stay with either of them. They make me so angry. I told Jim's mom how my mom is getting remarried. She didn't know what to say, and who can blame her for not knowing what to say. This whole thing is just a messed up situation, and it's screwing with my head. I felt so stupid telling her. I don't want her or Jim or anyone to think I'm going to end up like my parents... I'm not going to because I'm not them... I just wish that things could be better. Everything just seems to be so bad right now, and I get so worked up over everything that I'm surprised that I haven't had a heart attack. It hurts thinking about it, but I never stop thinking about all of this stuff. It's driving me crazy. I want to get away from everything, but there isn't anywhere to go. I just try to talk to friends, and hope that it all goes away... it doesn't though. I always have to put on my happy face around people. My way of dealing with this stuff is through humor, and I do it to cover up my true feelings. I can't cry, and it really sucks because sometimes you need to cry, but for me it just won't come out.
Everything in life is just weighing me down, and I just wish I could get rid of all this extra baggage. I want out of this situation so badly... I could use an ego boost...
Night.
Tomorrow I have a test in my communication disorders class... it is going to be rough. I haven't started studying yet. I should be studying right now instead of writing this journal entry, but no I'm not smart like that.
After my test spring break officially begins, however, I'm not too excited because I'm not doing anything.
My plans for spring break so far...
Thursday:
-Go to Dad's house.
Friday:
-Driving to Mom's house to be there at 11:00am.
-Shopping in Detroit for Jim's birthday present.
-Dinner with my Mom's fiance and his kids... (shoot me).
-Staying over at the dude's giant house.
Saturday:
-Be to Jim's house by 11:00am.
-Drive with Jim's parents to the airport to pick him up.
-Drive back to his house.
-Spend the night at Jim's.
Sunday:
-Jim's 21st birthday.
-Drive him back to Alma.
-Drive home (to Dad's).
Monday-Saturday is open. Call me, and we'll make plans to hang out.
It's an interesting thing having your parents trying to bribe you into staying with them over the summer. I don't want to stay with either of them. They make me so angry. I told Jim's mom how my mom is getting remarried. She didn't know what to say, and who can blame her for not knowing what to say. This whole thing is just a messed up situation, and it's screwing with my head. I felt so stupid telling her. I don't want her or Jim or anyone to think I'm going to end up like my parents... I'm not going to because I'm not them... I just wish that things could be better. Everything just seems to be so bad right now, and I get so worked up over everything that I'm surprised that I haven't had a heart attack. It hurts thinking about it, but I never stop thinking about all of this stuff. It's driving me crazy. I want to get away from everything, but there isn't anywhere to go. I just try to talk to friends, and hope that it all goes away... it doesn't though. I always have to put on my happy face around people. My way of dealing with this stuff is through humor, and I do it to cover up my true feelings. I can't cry, and it really sucks because sometimes you need to cry, but for me it just won't come out.
Everything in life is just weighing me down, and I just wish I could get rid of all this extra baggage. I want out of this situation so badly... I could use an ego boost...
Night.