The Great Questionnaire
Tea and Thorazine
Greg Lachance.
oh what a dream life would be if only...
they let you keep your etch-a-sketch.
FULL NAME: Gregory Andrew Lachance
NICKNAMES: Greg
DATE OF BIRTH: 03-13-1970
CURRENT AGE: 45
SEXUALITY: bi
MARITAL STATUS: single
CHILDREN : none
OCCUPATION: Pediatric Psychiatrist
LOCATION: New York, NY.
EYE/HAIR: green-brown / a reddish shade of brown
BUILT: tall, fit (I think the hip date-ad-term is height-weight-proportional)
the questionnaire.
animate yourself an alternate reality / consummate a self-pleasing artificiality / you can have yourself a tea
What do you do for work?
I'm a Pediatric Psychiatrist. I work at Rockland's Children's Psychiatric Center and as a free consultant for the youth welfare office.
Where are you from?
Born and raised in Freeport, New England.
What is the one thing about yourself that you would like me to know?
That I'm not going to answer all of these questions truthfully. I'm honest enough to admit that I lie about certain things. Trust is something you have to earn, not a freebie for the silly profile of an online dating service.
The photos show my own mug, though. What you see is what you get.
When was your last relationship and how long did it last?
Relationship? Ugh. Decades ago, in college. Years ago. It lasted for four months and eight days.
What are you looking for in a relationship?
Am I looking for a relationship? Honestly, I don't see the appeal of spending an insane amount of time dating and courting a person only to get laid. There are easier ways. As for the other 'advantages' of a relationship -- well, to be frank, all this disgustingly sweet lover's talk most couples seem to practice like it's a competition only makes me want to punctuate my eardrums with a pencil. I would like to meet someone, yes. A person who is interesting, smart, hot, and who won't expect me to write love poems or call them pet names. I could probably lie and fake my way through a couple of dates, promising to be perfect relationship material, but truth is - I'm not.
What do you think is the most important value in a relationship?
Trust. But I don't trust easily, not at all, so I'll go with the value that is the close second: acceptance. Not the blind, everything-is-peachy kind of acceptance, but real acceptance - knowing about the issues or flaws or differences and living with them instead of ignoring their existence. Differences are healthy, different opinions are healthy. Don't try to change me - and don't try to change for me.
Do you want to marry or have you ever been married?
No, I have never been married. Traditional marriages are for people who believe in tradition and the religious aspect of the ceremony - I'm not one of them. But I'm all pro same sex marriages - just because I can't see myself agreeing to something as stupid as tying yourself to another person for the rest of your life doesn't mean I don't want others to get their fair chance to make the mistake.
What do you look for in a husband/wife?
Husband/wife? If I were looking, I would be looking for the same I'm always looking for in people: someone who won't give me this 'you hurt my feelings' bullshit when I'm just being honest with them. Someone who won't expect me to change. Someone who has a brain and is not afraid to use it.
Do you want/do you have any children?
No, I don't have any kids and I don't have the time to take care of them. If I had, I would adopt. There are enough kids out there that nobody wants or takes care of. I would definitely adopt.
What do you do for fun?
Boxing - stress relief rather than fun. I play soccer. I jog. I listen to loud music and hop around when I'm in a good mood. Or try not to break my neck high-speeding my motorbike in and around New York.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
No.
What is your most treasured possession and why?
The main focus of my job is pediatric psychiatry, so most of my patients are very young, kids, sometimes teenagers. The normal procedure is finding a new therapist for them once they reach a state of... let's call it 'mental adulthood', but some of them keep contact and write letters or postcards from time to time. One of my first clients at Rockland's, a girl whose last appointment at my office was over five years ago, sent me a picture some months ago - of her and her little son. I have a couple of similar photos, at home and at my office, and they help me to remember why I'm doing this job. I also have a couple of presents that I got from my clients, silly and childish and extremely colorful things that kids like and think make good presents, but nothing a 40+ guy would normally keep or buy (like the bunny slippers I'm wearing on the photo on my UI). That's the stuff that I treasure.
What is your favorite month of the year and why?
January. Beginning of a new year.
Which is your favorite book/movie?
Book: And the Ass saw the Angel by Nick Cave
Movie: any movie done by Tim Burton
Which is the last book you read?
A book about Basquiat, about his paintings.
Which is the one job in the world that you would love to do?
My job. I don't love the job, but if I had to choose - or could choose from all the jobs in the world - I would still choose my job.
Which is your favorite music and your favorite singer/band?
The DOORS. All-time favorites.
Do you like animals/keep pets?
In my office I have a goldfish named Gustav. He's an okay dude (for a fish). And then there's Lenny, a cuckatoo. He was part of Rockland's gang of therapy animals, a feathered icebreaker. When we had to close our little zoo due to new hygiene restrictions I took Len home with me.
How do you spend your spare time?
I jog. I read. I listen to music. I have a Dvd collection, scifi and horror movies and various TV series. I play soccer. I cook.
Where do you see yourself in five years time?
Hopefully, still doing my job, still sane. Maybe seeing someone I actually care about.
If you were an animal in the wild, what would you be?
A tapir. I have a big nose and like back rubs.
Do you believe a cup is half empty or half full?
I believe that this question is bullshit and will tell you nothing about my personality, so instead of answering it, I'll go and get myself a cup of tea - a full one (which might tell you something about me. Or not...).
If you could travel back through time, what single mistake would you correct in life?
Summer camp 1979. Wouldn't go.
You have got six months to live, what will you do first?
Get my list with the names of assholes that should be locked away but for some reason - that no one in their right mind would ever understand - are still free and deal with them myself. Contact co-workers and find new therapists for my kids, probably accompany some of them during their first meetings and see that they are alright. Then say my good-byes to my mother and friends, pack my backpack and spend the last month traveling by motorcycle. I've always wanted to have sex on a soccer field, so I'd probably put that on my list, too.
Is sexual compatibility important to you?
Hell, yes. It's a stupid question, really. If sex is important for you, sexual compatibility is just as important as the need itself. I'm pretty sure a lot relationships end with one partner cheating on the other because of false politeness - because of one or both partners being unable or unwilling to voice their needs. Frustration. (although that's just me talking about relationships. A blind man trying to lead the seeing...)
Who was your hero, as a child?
Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. I always wanted to be like Tom and find someone like Huck.
If you won a lottery, how would you spend your millions?
Luck and fate are for losers -- which is why I don't play lottery. If I won millions, I would do the same thing as always and donate the money.
Which was the first crush you ever had?
Hard to say. I think it's a tie between Huckleberry Finn (the guy from the books) and my English teacher, Mrs. Parker. I was eight - and had very serious plans to marry her (that lasted for almost a year).
What makes you laugh/cry?
Laugh - bad horror movies.
If you have friends coming over, what would you cook?
Something simple and quick. If I have friends over, I like to spend time with them rather than alone in the kitchen. Or I would prepare the food in advance.
Describe your perfect holiday.
I don't like holidays all that much. I prefer to stay at home and maybe take some day trips with my motor bike.
Which T.V. program would you never miss?
X-Files reruns.
What is the last CD you bought?
REM - Collapse Into Now
Are you a morning person or a night person?
Morning person; the type that will consider axe-murder as an option, if bothered before the first cup of coffee.
Would you like to climb a mountain or trek across a desert?
Both. With the right company. Not a fan of holidays or trekking trips. If I had to choose, I would climb a mountain.
What adjective would a close friend use to describe you?
Independent.
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
New York.
Into which personality’s shoes would you like to step for a day?
I should probably say something like Freud or the Dalai Lama, but honestly? Lady Gaga.
Who is you favorite actor/actress/celebrity and why?
Drew Barrymore. Why? Because I'm shallow. I think she is hot.
Who is your favorite sportsperson?
Lionel Messi
What is your favorite sporting activity?
European soccer (defense, left back).
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
?
What is your greatest fear?
That my insomnia will return. That France will win the next World Cup (irrational fear, I know. The French soccer team sucks).
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Just one? Cowardice.
What do you do when you get nervous?
Smoke.
What do you do when you get angry?
Punch something. If a person is the cause of my anger, I let them know.
What do you do when you are happy?
Listen to music, hop around, cook - all combined and usually followed by a great dinner.
What do you do when you are sad?
That's none of your business. I run. Or go to the gym.
Do you have any interesting habits? If so, please list them.
Nope, completely boring.
On what occasion do you lie?
Many people lie about unimportant stuff, because they believe it is the polite thing to do, that it is nicer not to tell you your new hairdo sucks. Fuck that, really. If you ask me for my opinion, don't expect me to lie and dish out some bullshit to make you feel okay. I only lie about important things - personal things. The shit that is important to me and that is of no concern to others. I lie when telling the person to fuck off isn't an option.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Nothing. I like myself - and I don't care how that sounds. It was completely different when I was a kid, I felt like the ugly duckling - all lanky and skinny and pale with freckles and red hair. Well, turned out all right, didn't it?
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Surviving Med school. My life, my job. My job isn't a dream job, not in the classical sense, but I'm good at what I'm doing.
What is your greatest regret?
Believing that 'blood is thicker than water'.
What is your motto?
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they are not after you.
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contact.
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COMMUNITY NICK: thorazineandtea
EMAIL ADDRESS: greglachance@fakemail.com
PHONE: here