(no subject)
the following was a post i had written but wasn't able to post due to puter troubles. after it i have my current post.
i have been doing a lot of thinking about my life lately...plato (i think) once said that the unexamined life is not worth living. i wish someone had had the forsight to clue him in on the fact that sometimes when you DO examine your life it can scare the hell out of you. i have a working laptop that has windows 98 se loaded on it. now i love having a working puter so i can do my journal and the Scripting that the spiritual center (no its not a church...although i do refer to it at times as such.) i attend teaches about. the scripting has worked amazingly well. i am in a position to make a lot of progress and all, and a lot of things have come into my life that i have been waiting for. but i have this free floating anxiety that impares me terribly now. i wake up in the morning and all i want to do is sit there untill i have to piss then just sit on the puter playing hearts or freecell to shield myself from the feelings that my life is overwhelming. Star is in dc and i still love her. she might be moving out of the place she is staying and moving in with a friend she met up there. i want her to come back down here but right now i dont have a place i can bring her. i am so keyed up trying to figure out how im going to accomplish everything that im beccoming impatient. even simple tasks like rewriting a book i found with all public info so i can sell it seems like a simple enough task when i start but when i launch microsoft word to start typing my mind goes blank and i cant do anything. im waiting on my disability to go through the approval process and all ANYONE can respond with when i tell them that it looks like i might be approved soon is how long it took someone els and how hard the process is to appeal and how it could take months or years to finally happen...LOOK PEOPLE, I KNOW ALL OF THIS. PLEASE STOP BRINGING UP HOW MANY OBSTACLES THERE ARE IN MY PATH AND JUST BE FUCKING HAPPY THAT GOOD THINGS ARE HAPPENING IN MY LIFE AND WISH ME THE BEST OR GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! everyone keeps telling me how much star is bad for me and how my criminal record holds me back, and how much progress i havent made. FUCK ALL OF YOU! i have made a hell of a lot of progress. i have a steady job that even if it is just one or two nights a week, i do well at it and i have fun. i have a good solid option on another gig one day a week that will bring in decent money provided my knee holds up. the gig is as a male dancer at a club dancing for women this time. i already have about 7 women who have put in a standing request that i tell them when i start so they can be there. i have a few landscape clients and a few houskeeping clients that i get work from on a fairly regular basis.all in all i think im doing pretty well compared to how i used to do.
As for Star and everyones opinion of her,i know there has been a lot of drama and various nastiness. i love her and i hope that she uses the time she is in dc to get her head together and become the wife i need her to be instead of looking for someone to support her in the lifestyle to which she would like to become accustomed. also i hope that i become the man i need to be to be a good mate for whoever i end up with.
now to those of you who wish to be supportive of me i thank you and ask for a little help with the projects i have going.
1. i am looking for a digital distribution setup for a musician freind. what i need is a site that i can upload his music onto and sell it either as a download or the person can order a physical cd. i want a company that will handle it all on their end and just send my friend his money without us having to deal with alot. i can handle a lot of the legwork on this project but i need some contacts. anyone out there who knows of some good leads for me to follow up on please either post here on my lj or email me at my yahoo. the addie is my lj username at yahoo.com (typed like i did so the damn spambots dont get my email again) currently my puter isnt up to the task yet but i have a few options i can use to get everything done on my end untill i get my other laptop up and running.i just need the leads. its not so much a matter of time as that i am so woefully ignorant of where to begin looking for this stuff that i get overwhelmed.
ok. im posting this after having recently finished with my gig i have every week.
wher do i start? that question is foremost in my mind as a hell of alot has happened. i have a laptop now. i picked up a sony vaio at an estate sale for 5 bucks. i need to replace the hard drive and repair the power connection but it works. i can get a wireless card for about 50 and i'll be completely mobile. im using my other laptop to post this. i managed to pick this one up along the way for a damn good price. the only problem was the security program had locked up and i ended up installing Ubuntu linux. ive been using it for about a week and i'm hooked. mostly i've been just looking at the screen savers but this kicks the shit out of vista and makes it Tux's bitch. i'm still learning to use Ubuntu but ive learned more about real system management and setup in just a week than i learned in years of windows. its funny actually, i paid 32 bucks for a free OS. i broke down and schlepped my pathetic ass into the local cyber cafe to DL the OS Install disk and burn it. i paid a total of ten bucks for all three laptops and 15 on a thumb drive that turned out to be a waste. so thats 25 plus 32 is 57 dollars total investment and i now have a 2000 dollar machine to play with. i shell out an additional 400 and my 17 inch VAIO is on board. total cost under 600 and i have two 2000 dollar machines. ad 300 and i have two 1 TB externals and i am god on a ritz cracker. i have to thank my brother for breaking the screen on my acer travel book. if he hadnt i dont think id have done the linux switch as soon
lets review kids. even though i ran on about linux did u notice the point? i have two laptops, a stable job a stable place to live with all ammeneties and most importantly i like my life.those are just a few of the examples of good fortune ive had. star calls me from dc and tells me how bad it is and how she doesnt have much food cuz the situation there and how she just wants to come home even if it meant being on the streets cuz at least we'd be together again. it is touching really. she really does want to be with me and wants to get back here soon. it tears my heart out that i cant send her money. not so much cuz i dont have it (which i really dont have it now bt it looks like i'll be getting more days and money soon) but because my mother will not allow me to. star is trying to get to job corps. she is trying to get enrolled in such a way as to be put here in atlanta so we can spend time together while she goes to school.
over all its been a damn good ride and i think i'm going to love it from here out.
again my frothing ravenous gallery of raving misfits and miscreants (and that young republican hiding over in the corner by the plant...Yes i see you, and stop doing that, you'll go blind)thank you for your continued readership and before long stay tuned for my new linux slash philosophy blog i'm hammerring out in my head. not a blog about philosophy of linux or any combination of the two. i just want to journal my experiences with linux and spout off about my philosophy and wax editorial.it will be a differrent blog than this one and i may drop this as my reggie blog due to having started a new life im thinking ifd starting a new blog too. i'll keep u all appraised as it develops.
i have been doing a lot of thinking about my life lately...plato (i think) once said that the unexamined life is not worth living. i wish someone had had the forsight to clue him in on the fact that sometimes when you DO examine your life it can scare the hell out of you. i have a working laptop that has windows 98 se loaded on it. now i love having a working puter so i can do my journal and the Scripting that the spiritual center (no its not a church...although i do refer to it at times as such.) i attend teaches about. the scripting has worked amazingly well. i am in a position to make a lot of progress and all, and a lot of things have come into my life that i have been waiting for. but i have this free floating anxiety that impares me terribly now. i wake up in the morning and all i want to do is sit there untill i have to piss then just sit on the puter playing hearts or freecell to shield myself from the feelings that my life is overwhelming. Star is in dc and i still love her. she might be moving out of the place she is staying and moving in with a friend she met up there. i want her to come back down here but right now i dont have a place i can bring her. i am so keyed up trying to figure out how im going to accomplish everything that im beccoming impatient. even simple tasks like rewriting a book i found with all public info so i can sell it seems like a simple enough task when i start but when i launch microsoft word to start typing my mind goes blank and i cant do anything. im waiting on my disability to go through the approval process and all ANYONE can respond with when i tell them that it looks like i might be approved soon is how long it took someone els and how hard the process is to appeal and how it could take months or years to finally happen...LOOK PEOPLE, I KNOW ALL OF THIS. PLEASE STOP BRINGING UP HOW MANY OBSTACLES THERE ARE IN MY PATH AND JUST BE FUCKING HAPPY THAT GOOD THINGS ARE HAPPENING IN MY LIFE AND WISH ME THE BEST OR GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! everyone keeps telling me how much star is bad for me and how my criminal record holds me back, and how much progress i havent made. FUCK ALL OF YOU! i have made a hell of a lot of progress. i have a steady job that even if it is just one or two nights a week, i do well at it and i have fun. i have a good solid option on another gig one day a week that will bring in decent money provided my knee holds up. the gig is as a male dancer at a club dancing for women this time. i already have about 7 women who have put in a standing request that i tell them when i start so they can be there. i have a few landscape clients and a few houskeeping clients that i get work from on a fairly regular basis.all in all i think im doing pretty well compared to how i used to do.
As for Star and everyones opinion of her,i know there has been a lot of drama and various nastiness. i love her and i hope that she uses the time she is in dc to get her head together and become the wife i need her to be instead of looking for someone to support her in the lifestyle to which she would like to become accustomed. also i hope that i become the man i need to be to be a good mate for whoever i end up with.
now to those of you who wish to be supportive of me i thank you and ask for a little help with the projects i have going.
1. i am looking for a digital distribution setup for a musician freind. what i need is a site that i can upload his music onto and sell it either as a download or the person can order a physical cd. i want a company that will handle it all on their end and just send my friend his money without us having to deal with alot. i can handle a lot of the legwork on this project but i need some contacts. anyone out there who knows of some good leads for me to follow up on please either post here on my lj or email me at my yahoo. the addie is my lj username at yahoo.com (typed like i did so the damn spambots dont get my email again) currently my puter isnt up to the task yet but i have a few options i can use to get everything done on my end untill i get my other laptop up and running.i just need the leads. its not so much a matter of time as that i am so woefully ignorant of where to begin looking for this stuff that i get overwhelmed.
ok. im posting this after having recently finished with my gig i have every week.
wher do i start? that question is foremost in my mind as a hell of alot has happened. i have a laptop now. i picked up a sony vaio at an estate sale for 5 bucks. i need to replace the hard drive and repair the power connection but it works. i can get a wireless card for about 50 and i'll be completely mobile. im using my other laptop to post this. i managed to pick this one up along the way for a damn good price. the only problem was the security program had locked up and i ended up installing Ubuntu linux. ive been using it for about a week and i'm hooked. mostly i've been just looking at the screen savers but this kicks the shit out of vista and makes it Tux's bitch. i'm still learning to use Ubuntu but ive learned more about real system management and setup in just a week than i learned in years of windows. its funny actually, i paid 32 bucks for a free OS. i broke down and schlepped my pathetic ass into the local cyber cafe to DL the OS Install disk and burn it. i paid a total of ten bucks for all three laptops and 15 on a thumb drive that turned out to be a waste. so thats 25 plus 32 is 57 dollars total investment and i now have a 2000 dollar machine to play with. i shell out an additional 400 and my 17 inch VAIO is on board. total cost under 600 and i have two 2000 dollar machines. ad 300 and i have two 1 TB externals and i am god on a ritz cracker. i have to thank my brother for breaking the screen on my acer travel book. if he hadnt i dont think id have done the linux switch as soon
lets review kids. even though i ran on about linux did u notice the point? i have two laptops, a stable job a stable place to live with all ammeneties and most importantly i like my life.those are just a few of the examples of good fortune ive had. star calls me from dc and tells me how bad it is and how she doesnt have much food cuz the situation there and how she just wants to come home even if it meant being on the streets cuz at least we'd be together again. it is touching really. she really does want to be with me and wants to get back here soon. it tears my heart out that i cant send her money. not so much cuz i dont have it (which i really dont have it now bt it looks like i'll be getting more days and money soon) but because my mother will not allow me to. star is trying to get to job corps. she is trying to get enrolled in such a way as to be put here in atlanta so we can spend time together while she goes to school.
over all its been a damn good ride and i think i'm going to love it from here out.
again my frothing ravenous gallery of raving misfits and miscreants (and that young republican hiding over in the corner by the plant...Yes i see you, and stop doing that, you'll go blind)thank you for your continued readership and before long stay tuned for my new linux slash philosophy blog i'm hammerring out in my head. not a blog about philosophy of linux or any combination of the two. i just want to journal my experiences with linux and spout off about my philosophy and wax editorial.it will be a differrent blog than this one and i may drop this as my reggie blog due to having started a new life im thinking ifd starting a new blog too. i'll keep u all appraised as it develops.