Time to get over this......
Iam a 54 year old middle age gay man, and that's that. Time to get over this idiotic nonsense that I am old because I sort of am old.
Especially considering that I am a gay man, cause in the gay lifestyle everything is oriented toward youth. Or maybe I just let myself think this. I once had a friend tell me the reason you dont see very many middle age gay men so much is because most died out from Aids. Not a very cheery thought.
I think it's more that we grew tired of the bar scene and moved our lifes in other directions. I have only attended 1 gay pride here in Indianapolis, and I only stayed about 30 minutes because really there wasn't any reason to stay any longer. I had already seen everything they had to offer. But this year, I think I will go and stay the day, just to experience it.
In my day there wasn't much of a gay life, here in Indianapolis, except for the weekend. The main bars were: The Chase, Talbot Street (original), and the 21 Club. My favorites was The Chase, and then Talbot, where I met Mark in July 1982. Then I didnt see him again until February 1983 and at that time I asked him out and we have been together for the last 26 years.
But I was working 4pm-midnight, Monday-Friday, and he worked dayshift Monday-Friday, so the only time we could be together was on the weekends. So we stopped going to the clubs, and we just never got back into the club routine.
Then about 15 years ago on the few times we did go out to the gay clubs, I would notice that there were few guys our age. Not that it mattered that much, but as I pushed 50, I started letting my age bother me too much. Then it became an obsession for some reason. I tried the ridiculous things of trying to look young, baseball cap, dying my hair, learning younger hip/hop vocabulary. Oh my, I was a nut.
But now I realize a lot of what is going on. First, my allergies/sinus are really bad and the cigarette smoke messes them up worse. The noise is so loud (dance music) that I can't talk to anybody, and its bad for my hearing, I don't like to dance much anymore, and finally I would rather spend my money on something more material.
When I get home from work I would rather spend it alone with Mark than to do most anything else. And I am very close to my family, and to his family, and we do a lot of things together with them.
Actually we have very little free time when we do have any free time.
So over the years I made choices for myself, but the clock kept ticking, and will continue to tick as long as I am alive. And here it is 2009, and I am 54 years old. My life revolves exclusively around Mark, his Father, and my family, and our jobs. That takes up 95 percent of our time. The other 5 percent doesn't leave much time for anything, much less any gay related activities.
And I will only continue to grow older. So this year I will attend Indianapolis gay pride, unless it rains, all day long. I will wear my grayish hair with pride, my head held up high, and somehow, find the discipline to lose a bunch of weight. And travel more.
I don't see how this can not work!
Especially considering that I am a gay man, cause in the gay lifestyle everything is oriented toward youth. Or maybe I just let myself think this. I once had a friend tell me the reason you dont see very many middle age gay men so much is because most died out from Aids. Not a very cheery thought.
I think it's more that we grew tired of the bar scene and moved our lifes in other directions. I have only attended 1 gay pride here in Indianapolis, and I only stayed about 30 minutes because really there wasn't any reason to stay any longer. I had already seen everything they had to offer. But this year, I think I will go and stay the day, just to experience it.
In my day there wasn't much of a gay life, here in Indianapolis, except for the weekend. The main bars were: The Chase, Talbot Street (original), and the 21 Club. My favorites was The Chase, and then Talbot, where I met Mark in July 1982. Then I didnt see him again until February 1983 and at that time I asked him out and we have been together for the last 26 years.
But I was working 4pm-midnight, Monday-Friday, and he worked dayshift Monday-Friday, so the only time we could be together was on the weekends. So we stopped going to the clubs, and we just never got back into the club routine.
Then about 15 years ago on the few times we did go out to the gay clubs, I would notice that there were few guys our age. Not that it mattered that much, but as I pushed 50, I started letting my age bother me too much. Then it became an obsession for some reason. I tried the ridiculous things of trying to look young, baseball cap, dying my hair, learning younger hip/hop vocabulary. Oh my, I was a nut.
But now I realize a lot of what is going on. First, my allergies/sinus are really bad and the cigarette smoke messes them up worse. The noise is so loud (dance music) that I can't talk to anybody, and its bad for my hearing, I don't like to dance much anymore, and finally I would rather spend my money on something more material.
When I get home from work I would rather spend it alone with Mark than to do most anything else. And I am very close to my family, and to his family, and we do a lot of things together with them.
Actually we have very little free time when we do have any free time.
So over the years I made choices for myself, but the clock kept ticking, and will continue to tick as long as I am alive. And here it is 2009, and I am 54 years old. My life revolves exclusively around Mark, his Father, and my family, and our jobs. That takes up 95 percent of our time. The other 5 percent doesn't leave much time for anything, much less any gay related activities.
And I will only continue to grow older. So this year I will attend Indianapolis gay pride, unless it rains, all day long. I will wear my grayish hair with pride, my head held up high, and somehow, find the discipline to lose a bunch of weight. And travel more.
I don't see how this can not work!