(no subject)
I don't know where I see myself in five months. Hell, I don't know where I see myself in 24 hours. Either way, whether it's today or in a few months I know both days will find me with this lingering feeling of uncertainty. The doubt that grips my stomach, and butterflies that steal my deep breathes. With sweat down my back, and licking my cracked lips through a dry mouth.
I sometimes fear this constant saying hello and goodbye is harder than just saying goodbye forever. You come to visit, but never stay. You have things to do. You have things to fight for. You have people to fight with. Even if you're told your training is telling you to pray for peace, but you plan for war.
You'll be spending the next few years of your life fighting for something that's bigger than both of us. The least I can do is swallow my pride and smile. Not because I have to, but because I know you go, but I can't wait to see you again. Because knowing you've gone again means I have time to better myself for your next return.
You leave again, and I whisper, ".... fuck...." into the cold Michigan air. Standing alone in a parking lot. Thinking I see the tears well up at the edges of your eyes. Hoping you didn't see mine.
I don't know where you'll be in five months. I don't know where you are right now. I just know you're gone, and friend I'm going to work on myself for a while.
I sometimes fear this constant saying hello and goodbye is harder than just saying goodbye forever. You come to visit, but never stay. You have things to do. You have things to fight for. You have people to fight with. Even if you're told your training is telling you to pray for peace, but you plan for war.
You'll be spending the next few years of your life fighting for something that's bigger than both of us. The least I can do is swallow my pride and smile. Not because I have to, but because I know you go, but I can't wait to see you again. Because knowing you've gone again means I have time to better myself for your next return.
You leave again, and I whisper, ".... fuck...." into the cold Michigan air. Standing alone in a parking lot. Thinking I see the tears well up at the edges of your eyes. Hoping you didn't see mine.
I don't know where you'll be in five months. I don't know where you are right now. I just know you're gone, and friend I'm going to work on myself for a while.