In no particular order because I'm a fucking INSOMNIAC!!!....
Bunch'a stuff to tell.
So below are a couple of missives that went out in email recently. Now, to be honest, I should have put more thought into the first one before sending it. In my defence, a Lady I'm becoming pretty attached to (we'll get to that. It's not easy) was conked out not 6' from me and the clicky thing was causing her relaxed snoring-like-a-buzzsaw to start to change octave into sleeping-lightly. I've learned that with Asian women if they snore loud enough to rattle the windows it's a good thing. For them. For me, I've learned where to buy earplugs.
Ok, here's the convo; (note, my data is all orginial or if edited specifically done. That of 3rd parties is edited only to remove specific phrasing that would mark them out)
Duri to Lots'o'Lady Friends in the US:
"It might become important in the not too distant future for me to be able to provide a referece check from some of the women I know. I'm not asking for any sunshine blowing. I know my own flaws well enough. And it'll be from my perspective a blind test; I won't know what anyone is saying. But many of the local women have been so habitually lied to that their pretty paranoid. Given what I've seen I can't blame them, but it's starting to get on my nerves and wasting my time. If any of you are willing to state what you think of me as a man, lover (if relevant), human being etc, I'm thinking of short-cutting the process a bit by providing some emails to allow them to check my resume. They might even want to make a Skype call to you. This won't cost you anything and is transparant from your end (just looks like an "Unknown" phone number, and you only get billed your regular hours).
I know this sounds bizarre, but goddamn it, I'm just not in the mood to spend the next 6 months trying to jump through flaming hoops proving that I'm not an asshole who wants to treat a woman like shit and then "Forget her". Some of the people on this list I haven't even dated, but you've probably got a pretty good read on my character as a person, and if regardless, just call it like you see it and I'll live with the results. As the Thai's put it, it's "Up To You" (national motto).
To make it easier for everyone, only reply if specifically NOT interested, and don't worry about implications. That way I just provide a blind email list and tell'em to go to it. I'm not sure what will happen, but from what I've seen they're not especially shy about calling up names they find on your cell phone and trying to get the lowdown. It's a little like dating a cross between the KGB and Siamese cats. Fun, but you need to understand the rules.
Be honest. Really. I own what I do. The only feedback I get will be the results. I'm just trying to cut through the bullshit. Consider it an amusing social experiment and laugh about it with your friends.
Oh, and on the off-chance that they decide to contact you via Skype or other voice, be aware that though their spoken English is often shakey, their comprehension is usually fairly good. If in doubt, use simple tenses and shorter words.
Best,
Duri
(technical notes: All the people this is being sent to are women. Many I've never dated, just known as friends. Yes, I've filtered a bit if I thought that I didn't like someone after dating them. Yes, if asked, it's ok to say that. Yes, this is anal, but I am a fucking software tester by trade and I do this shit socially in my sleep as well, so... deal. Loves. Duri)"
****
Most of the responses, if there were responses, were amused or requesting technical parameters. A couple were not so amused. The concern appeared to be that I was trying to short-cut the process of getting to know someone by extracting outside references rather than acting as I was and letting the Thai Ladies figure it out for them selves.
Fair enough. The flaw is probably in a lack of context provided by me.
The Lady sleeping (and snoring like a buzzsaw. Sign of respect) right nearby has been raped, and almost surely gang-raped at some point in her life. It is absolutely typical for a Thai man to lie through his teeth to his GF or wife about pretty much everything as far as I can tell. They often go to one of the local Go-Gos, get laid, and then call it a "Business Trip". I've been trying to adapt to local ideas of what is ok, and sometimes it's not easy (HA!). It's also typical for taxi-drivers to take a single Lady off to a dark and secluded space against her will (I've been asked to provide taxi-escort more than once), or for Farangs to play various extremely nasty games. Given the level of shit they've dealt with, I have tremendous respect for their reslience. The well be a posting on this later, because I think there's much to learn from this ability to bounce back (and I'm not talking about just the sex-workers).
The Farangs are often worse. They claim to be rich when they're not, claim to be poor when they're rich, and seem to have an attitude that "The Little Brown Women Aren't Really People". They'll have 2-10 Ladies that they're seeing and making promises to. The Ladies aren't fucking stupid, so they take it with a grain a salt, but it's like building up a callus; the more it happens the less they trust anything with a dick.
The Thai Lady response is to establish an intelligence network that makes the KGB or CIA look like a bunch of fucking posuers (ok... that's not -that- hard). Your cellphone WILL be checked. If they give you a cellphone it's a sign that that they like you, but it's also a trap. They will know how it works and that 2 minute shit you take will be enough time to allow a spot-check on the phone. Your email is not your own unless you log out EVERY TIME you use it. They think nothing of getting your phone, wandering off, and calling up the entire call list and asking "Who are youooooo?".
Honestly, at previous times this would really piss me off, but under the circumstances I can't really blame them a bit.
But the situation that created this behavior is starting to seriously piss me off, and gladly, I've found out I'm hardly the only ex-pax nausiated at the behaviour of some of my fellow invaders.
I've been what the locals call a "Butterfly" (I like to play with more than one woman) all of my life, but I've always tried hard to be honest about it up front and not cause harm. I think in the West we'd call this a "Playboy", but thats not really accurate either, since it implies I don't give a shit and will fuck anything that moves. I do give a shit and am carefull about who I fuck, so I don't box easily.
As a result I give myself some latitude on what most people would consider aberrant behavoir in relationships, conditional on being honest about it. I don't always even succeed at that. I'm not perfect. I'm just me.
Qouting myself in response (because it was a good reflexive response:
"I'm trying to overcome cultural and language barriers that are pretty steep, and one of the things that works around here normally is that the Thai women will cross-check you with the other Thai women. No problem for me. Except that I'm new here, and most of my possible references are in the US. I figured that it might make sense to allow them to check -those- references is they wanted to. It really does run kinda like a background check here. And they get a LOT of bullshit from men who claim to be one thing (rich, poor, married, unmarried, perfect, whatever) and are another. They have no way of checking.
I have nothing to hide. I've fucked up in the past, ((omitted detail for security)) but that's life. So if I can make it -easier- for them to learn what they want instead of having them scroll through my cellphone while I'm in the toilet or try to read my email address list when I run to 7-11 then thats what I'll do."
They really do this. There is an upcoming entry on the Thai Lady Inelligence Service (TLIS) that will give some details, but I swear, if I needed spies, I'd know where to find them. Ever hear of a "honey trap"? I live in the middle of a few million of them. And they're smart as hell, all know eachother, and when they don't want you to you will NEVER know what is going on inside that pretty little brown head unless you're paying very close attention.
Fortunately, though I'd make a lousy spy, I'd make a goddamned good spymaster.
Man, this is NOT one of the things I'd thought through before coming to Thailand or SEAsia in general. However, if I can learn these Jedi (ok... Sith) skills I can do some interesting things. And oddly enough, they're willing to teach if you're willing to learn.
Thog: A 6'3 Yoda.
So below are a couple of missives that went out in email recently. Now, to be honest, I should have put more thought into the first one before sending it. In my defence, a Lady I'm becoming pretty attached to (we'll get to that. It's not easy) was conked out not 6' from me and the clicky thing was causing her relaxed snoring-like-a-buzzsaw to start to change octave into sleeping-lightly. I've learned that with Asian women if they snore loud enough to rattle the windows it's a good thing. For them. For me, I've learned where to buy earplugs.
Ok, here's the convo; (note, my data is all orginial or if edited specifically done. That of 3rd parties is edited only to remove specific phrasing that would mark them out)
Duri to Lots'o'Lady Friends in the US:
"It might become important in the not too distant future for me to be able to provide a referece check from some of the women I know. I'm not asking for any sunshine blowing. I know my own flaws well enough. And it'll be from my perspective a blind test; I won't know what anyone is saying. But many of the local women have been so habitually lied to that their pretty paranoid. Given what I've seen I can't blame them, but it's starting to get on my nerves and wasting my time. If any of you are willing to state what you think of me as a man, lover (if relevant), human being etc, I'm thinking of short-cutting the process a bit by providing some emails to allow them to check my resume. They might even want to make a Skype call to you. This won't cost you anything and is transparant from your end (just looks like an "Unknown" phone number, and you only get billed your regular hours).
I know this sounds bizarre, but goddamn it, I'm just not in the mood to spend the next 6 months trying to jump through flaming hoops proving that I'm not an asshole who wants to treat a woman like shit and then "Forget her". Some of the people on this list I haven't even dated, but you've probably got a pretty good read on my character as a person, and if regardless, just call it like you see it and I'll live with the results. As the Thai's put it, it's "Up To You" (national motto).
To make it easier for everyone, only reply if specifically NOT interested, and don't worry about implications. That way I just provide a blind email list and tell'em to go to it. I'm not sure what will happen, but from what I've seen they're not especially shy about calling up names they find on your cell phone and trying to get the lowdown. It's a little like dating a cross between the KGB and Siamese cats. Fun, but you need to understand the rules.
Be honest. Really. I own what I do. The only feedback I get will be the results. I'm just trying to cut through the bullshit. Consider it an amusing social experiment and laugh about it with your friends.
Oh, and on the off-chance that they decide to contact you via Skype or other voice, be aware that though their spoken English is often shakey, their comprehension is usually fairly good. If in doubt, use simple tenses and shorter words.
Best,
Duri
(technical notes: All the people this is being sent to are women. Many I've never dated, just known as friends. Yes, I've filtered a bit if I thought that I didn't like someone after dating them. Yes, if asked, it's ok to say that. Yes, this is anal, but I am a fucking software tester by trade and I do this shit socially in my sleep as well, so... deal. Loves. Duri)"
****
Most of the responses, if there were responses, were amused or requesting technical parameters. A couple were not so amused. The concern appeared to be that I was trying to short-cut the process of getting to know someone by extracting outside references rather than acting as I was and letting the Thai Ladies figure it out for them selves.
Fair enough. The flaw is probably in a lack of context provided by me.
The Lady sleeping (and snoring like a buzzsaw. Sign of respect) right nearby has been raped, and almost surely gang-raped at some point in her life. It is absolutely typical for a Thai man to lie through his teeth to his GF or wife about pretty much everything as far as I can tell. They often go to one of the local Go-Gos, get laid, and then call it a "Business Trip". I've been trying to adapt to local ideas of what is ok, and sometimes it's not easy (HA!). It's also typical for taxi-drivers to take a single Lady off to a dark and secluded space against her will (I've been asked to provide taxi-escort more than once), or for Farangs to play various extremely nasty games. Given the level of shit they've dealt with, I have tremendous respect for their reslience. The well be a posting on this later, because I think there's much to learn from this ability to bounce back (and I'm not talking about just the sex-workers).
The Farangs are often worse. They claim to be rich when they're not, claim to be poor when they're rich, and seem to have an attitude that "The Little Brown Women Aren't Really People". They'll have 2-10 Ladies that they're seeing and making promises to. The Ladies aren't fucking stupid, so they take it with a grain a salt, but it's like building up a callus; the more it happens the less they trust anything with a dick.
The Thai Lady response is to establish an intelligence network that makes the KGB or CIA look like a bunch of fucking posuers (ok... that's not -that- hard). Your cellphone WILL be checked. If they give you a cellphone it's a sign that that they like you, but it's also a trap. They will know how it works and that 2 minute shit you take will be enough time to allow a spot-check on the phone. Your email is not your own unless you log out EVERY TIME you use it. They think nothing of getting your phone, wandering off, and calling up the entire call list and asking "Who are youooooo?".
Honestly, at previous times this would really piss me off, but under the circumstances I can't really blame them a bit.
But the situation that created this behavior is starting to seriously piss me off, and gladly, I've found out I'm hardly the only ex-pax nausiated at the behaviour of some of my fellow invaders.
I've been what the locals call a "Butterfly" (I like to play with more than one woman) all of my life, but I've always tried hard to be honest about it up front and not cause harm. I think in the West we'd call this a "Playboy", but thats not really accurate either, since it implies I don't give a shit and will fuck anything that moves. I do give a shit and am carefull about who I fuck, so I don't box easily.
As a result I give myself some latitude on what most people would consider aberrant behavoir in relationships, conditional on being honest about it. I don't always even succeed at that. I'm not perfect. I'm just me.
Qouting myself in response (because it was a good reflexive response:
"I'm trying to overcome cultural and language barriers that are pretty steep, and one of the things that works around here normally is that the Thai women will cross-check you with the other Thai women. No problem for me. Except that I'm new here, and most of my possible references are in the US. I figured that it might make sense to allow them to check -those- references is they wanted to. It really does run kinda like a background check here. And they get a LOT of bullshit from men who claim to be one thing (rich, poor, married, unmarried, perfect, whatever) and are another. They have no way of checking.
I have nothing to hide. I've fucked up in the past, ((omitted detail for security)) but that's life. So if I can make it -easier- for them to learn what they want instead of having them scroll through my cellphone while I'm in the toilet or try to read my email address list when I run to 7-11 then thats what I'll do."
They really do this. There is an upcoming entry on the Thai Lady Inelligence Service (TLIS) that will give some details, but I swear, if I needed spies, I'd know where to find them. Ever hear of a "honey trap"? I live in the middle of a few million of them. And they're smart as hell, all know eachother, and when they don't want you to you will NEVER know what is going on inside that pretty little brown head unless you're paying very close attention.
Fortunately, though I'd make a lousy spy, I'd make a goddamned good spymaster.
Man, this is NOT one of the things I'd thought through before coming to Thailand or SEAsia in general. However, if I can learn these Jedi (ok... Sith) skills I can do some interesting things. And oddly enough, they're willing to teach if you're willing to learn.
Thog: A 6'3 Yoda.