Bad baby names blog

[thnidu]

Here's a blog about, yup, bad baby names. More precisely, horrible names of real people. (And more precisely in a different direction, it's a category subset of a blog called Not Without My Handbag.) Its latest entry is from February 1, 2012, but horrible names are almost timeless. ("Almost" because this year's supercraze is next year's "That's so yesterday" and the next generation "Ooow, that sounds like my aunt", and maybe back in style some decades after.) Warning, though: She's a grouch, as you might expect from the topic, and snarky as hell.

Here are a few genuine bad names excerpted from there, some in her own voice and some quoted:

• American Idyll ’12 Part 2. February 1, 2012
  Finally, some crazy people with stupid names - what reality shows are all about. (Right? Er…)
  
  Tealana started by making me grumble with her hipster glasses and septum piercing, ... then back to rage when I found out her name is pronounced tah-LAY-nah, which is the opposite of every vowel in that name. She is the Los Feliz of names.



• Everything’s Bigger in Texas. November 25, 2011. From the Houston Press:
  
  Every now and then, Hair Balls [apparently a column at the paper] reports the oddest, funniest, and most puzzling names we come across in Harris County official records - usually but not always the crime reports.
  
  As always, a couple of disclaimers are in order. Not all, indeed not necessarily any, of these people were convicted of a crime. Additionally, the crimes they are accused of - those that have been accused, that is - are in some cases as minor as driving on a suspended license or possession of small amounts of pot.
  
  And so, without further ado:
  
  Patronne Dextrexxe Brooks: Puts us in mind of both tequila and porn.
  
  Anal Exceus: Oy.
  
  Tito Kunta Hunt: Someone like both Roots and Yugoslavian strongmen, but the resulting name comes across as naughty.
  
  Chastity Spotts: I learned about those in health class.
  
  Charmin Crew: No squares in stall two. Send in the Charmin Crew.



• Prince CalTech. December 1, 2010
  
  There’s a kid in my class at school whose name is Harvmit, aka Harvard-MIT. Guess what his parents wanted his college options to be? Too bad he became a rebel, slacked off in school and has no hope of going to either place. Serves his parents right, I guess, but too bad for him.



• i dont no wat to thnik cuz im ded. December 24, 2008
  I get e-mails asking for naming help all the time, and I’m usually obliging, but every now and then….well, see below.
  I’m due my first kid aug 13. i am thinkin of names. i like unseual names and differnt spellings of names.
  
  for girls dh and i like:
  
  tallulah lilac
  
meleah lynn

  jayden haven
  
madison macenyzie

  ashlynn charlize

  tiffany clea

  alisha beyonce

  solange kesleigh
  
gracelyn jordyn
  
  for boys dh and i like:
  
  kendal jae

  dayne killigan
  
kylar reese

  fynn tyler
  
wayne jaymes
  
brooklyn romeo

  jaysen elijah
  
  can u please give opinions on the names? thx in advance
  
  -A
  
  I’m still not sure if she didn’t read the site, couldn’t read the site, or is screwing with me.

 If the latter, Bravo. You did an incredible job of impersonating an under-educated tryndee* namer who I assume every awful thing I possible can about them, up to and including caring about Kardashians, collecting cat figurines, and giving Sarah Palin money. You cut me off on the freeway, let your dog crap in my yard, and get in the express lane with 15 items, then pay with a check. You forward emails about Nordstrom’s recipes, proof of angels, and sparkly Tweety Bird gifs. You invented laugh tracks. Your favorite movie is Transformers 2. You hold your purse tighter when you see black people. Your car alarm goes off at 4 am every day. You ate three slices of pizza before making sure everyone else had had one. You’re why the bus smells like pee.
  
  I hate you.

* Following the recent trend of spelling a child's name wrong intentionally, see kree8yv.
Maddyssyn is a tryndee way to spell Madison.

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