total venting
My cousin is getting married June 20th, and I'm angry. Actually, more like livid.
It makes me absolutely sick. She has everything I want in my own life, yet she goes about it the wrong way and makes awful decisions. She moved out of her parents house at the age of 18, moved in with her boyfriend and his crazy mom. She got pregnant and came home. Was on drugs while pregnant with the baby, so now it's fucked up and she's getting married.
I know that when I get married and have children it will be a wonderful, beautiful, planned experience for me, but I still want all those things. And she rubs it in my face that I don't have those things. I know I shouldn't be angry, but I'm furious.
It also makes me mad because she disrespected my Papa so much. He loved her so much, and yet she went about disappointing him in so many ways, and then flaunting it in his face.
It makes me mad that he got to see her children and know about her engagement, when he'll never know about mine or get to meet my children. Why is life so unfair?
I know he'll look down on me and smile from heaven on my wedding day and look down on hers with disappointment, but it still makes me so mad.
I just miss him so much, and hearing all about her wedding plans and her second baby being on the way, it makes it so much worse, and makes me sick.
The only thing that brings me pleasure in this whole situation is that when I get married it will be so much bigger and better than she can ever imagine. I know that's wrong, but it makes me feel better...
It makes me absolutely sick. She has everything I want in my own life, yet she goes about it the wrong way and makes awful decisions. She moved out of her parents house at the age of 18, moved in with her boyfriend and his crazy mom. She got pregnant and came home. Was on drugs while pregnant with the baby, so now it's fucked up and she's getting married.
I know that when I get married and have children it will be a wonderful, beautiful, planned experience for me, but I still want all those things. And she rubs it in my face that I don't have those things. I know I shouldn't be angry, but I'm furious.
It also makes me mad because she disrespected my Papa so much. He loved her so much, and yet she went about disappointing him in so many ways, and then flaunting it in his face.
It makes me mad that he got to see her children and know about her engagement, when he'll never know about mine or get to meet my children. Why is life so unfair?
I know he'll look down on me and smile from heaven on my wedding day and look down on hers with disappointment, but it still makes me so mad.
I just miss him so much, and hearing all about her wedding plans and her second baby being on the way, it makes it so much worse, and makes me sick.
The only thing that brings me pleasure in this whole situation is that when I get married it will be so much bigger and better than she can ever imagine. I know that's wrong, but it makes me feel better...