(no subject)
So, I've noticed that I constantly feel like crap, but I'm not really sure why. So here goes me trying to figure it out...
Everything that's wrong is so small, and it seems stupid for it to make me feel like this.
I can't stop fighting with my mom. She's so ridiculously depressed, I can't even stand to talk to her on the phone. She annoys the shit out of me. And it sucks, because her and I used to be so close. And I feel like I'm making her worse, by not living with her, but I just can't deal with all the stress. And it's not like she could afford me living with her. I mean, she's losing her appartment because she owes like $1500+ on rent. And she's trying to ruin me going to college, so she can get money to keep her appartment. I also found out that she stole about $1000 from me when I was about 5. I was in an accident, and I got money from the insurance company (college money, basically) but my mom took it, and spent it on stuff for her house. So instead of having half the money I need to take to college, or money for a computer, there are a bunch of apple decorations in the garbage somewhere. UGH.
Also, I'm just feeling really alone recently. The only person I really talk to is Chelsea, but if she's with Nate, or sick, or with anyone else, then I have nothing to do. I just sit at home on myspace, wishing there was someone to talk to. Or sleep. Because that's really all there is to do. I miss all my old friends. I miss having a life.
And being constantly blown off isn't making anything better. I mean, if you don't want to hang out, tell me! Don't be like yeah, we'll do something tomorrow, and then when I'm like hey, what do you wanna do, not respond. It's so stupid!!
Also, I miss having a boyfriend. I know that sounds kinda gay, but I really miss having someone that I know is there for me. Someone that makes me feel loved. The last boy I dated was Jeremy. (WOWZ!) And that was in... May-ish? So it's been about nine months since I've had a boyfriend. Ughz. I'm also very sick of falling for boys, who seem like they're a little interested, and then move on to something else.
I'm tired of not feeling good enough for boys. Or my parents. Or for colleges.
I'm tired of feeling like I don't matter.
I'm so sick of everythinggg!
Everything that's wrong is so small, and it seems stupid for it to make me feel like this.
I can't stop fighting with my mom. She's so ridiculously depressed, I can't even stand to talk to her on the phone. She annoys the shit out of me. And it sucks, because her and I used to be so close. And I feel like I'm making her worse, by not living with her, but I just can't deal with all the stress. And it's not like she could afford me living with her. I mean, she's losing her appartment because she owes like $1500+ on rent. And she's trying to ruin me going to college, so she can get money to keep her appartment. I also found out that she stole about $1000 from me when I was about 5. I was in an accident, and I got money from the insurance company (college money, basically) but my mom took it, and spent it on stuff for her house. So instead of having half the money I need to take to college, or money for a computer, there are a bunch of apple decorations in the garbage somewhere. UGH.
Also, I'm just feeling really alone recently. The only person I really talk to is Chelsea, but if she's with Nate, or sick, or with anyone else, then I have nothing to do. I just sit at home on myspace, wishing there was someone to talk to. Or sleep. Because that's really all there is to do. I miss all my old friends. I miss having a life.
And being constantly blown off isn't making anything better. I mean, if you don't want to hang out, tell me! Don't be like yeah, we'll do something tomorrow, and then when I'm like hey, what do you wanna do, not respond. It's so stupid!!
Also, I miss having a boyfriend. I know that sounds kinda gay, but I really miss having someone that I know is there for me. Someone that makes me feel loved. The last boy I dated was Jeremy. (WOWZ!) And that was in... May-ish? So it's been about nine months since I've had a boyfriend. Ughz. I'm also very sick of falling for boys, who seem like they're a little interested, and then move on to something else.
I'm tired of not feeling good enough for boys. Or my parents. Or for colleges.
I'm tired of feeling like I don't matter.
I'm so sick of everythinggg!