(no subject)
Am I the person I want to be?
That's been running in my head for most of today. I have a lot I should be doing, even more that I NEED to be doing, yet I'm having troubles getting myself motivated to do any of it...and instead just read book watch movies laadee dah...
It's not even a lot of motivation...it's basically ANY motivation.
And through all this I'm wondering what I've done with my life and if I am happy with who that person has turned out to be...and if I've benefited the people around me and the world I live in positively rather than just taking it all for granted and all for myself.
I'm not to upset with where God has lead me so far though. I'm more afraid that I'm still failing the opportunities of faith he presents me. The closest I can relate to is the feeling when a homeless person asks for change or money and you lie saying you have nothing whether you do or not...or ignore them and hope that they leave you alone b/c you feel that too many ppl are career homeless here and also not spending that change on very beneficial goods. But even as you think this you tell yourself that those thoughts are false and more self-serving than anything and wonder why you can't be a more empathetic guy.
But, God has led me to live in Florida, where ppl dream to vacation. Scotland and London on a study abroad. Also to LA with it's own connotations. And in two weeks Japan for a 6 week internship. He's given me great friends and family throughout. He's blessed me in numerous ways, unable to be even fathomed. And this from a PK who thought he'd stay around WI and his family and didn't mind small towns too much regardless who never had a dream to be doing animation before the end of high school.
I still get passionate about talking animation "shop" and I'm still always hungry (for food). (some things never really change lol)
and mostly I worry that I'm still not in any kind of relationship (ie: dating), regardless of whatever...it still preys on the back of my mind, that I would be much more active and interested in everything if I was close to someone that I couldn't wait to spend time with...even if that's not a real reality.
ah well, back to whatever I'm doing instead of what I should be doing...why lie to myself about it...
That's been running in my head for most of today. I have a lot I should be doing, even more that I NEED to be doing, yet I'm having troubles getting myself motivated to do any of it...and instead just read book watch movies laadee dah...
It's not even a lot of motivation...it's basically ANY motivation.
And through all this I'm wondering what I've done with my life and if I am happy with who that person has turned out to be...and if I've benefited the people around me and the world I live in positively rather than just taking it all for granted and all for myself.
I'm not to upset with where God has lead me so far though. I'm more afraid that I'm still failing the opportunities of faith he presents me. The closest I can relate to is the feeling when a homeless person asks for change or money and you lie saying you have nothing whether you do or not...or ignore them and hope that they leave you alone b/c you feel that too many ppl are career homeless here and also not spending that change on very beneficial goods. But even as you think this you tell yourself that those thoughts are false and more self-serving than anything and wonder why you can't be a more empathetic guy.
But, God has led me to live in Florida, where ppl dream to vacation. Scotland and London on a study abroad. Also to LA with it's own connotations. And in two weeks Japan for a 6 week internship. He's given me great friends and family throughout. He's blessed me in numerous ways, unable to be even fathomed. And this from a PK who thought he'd stay around WI and his family and didn't mind small towns too much regardless who never had a dream to be doing animation before the end of high school.
I still get passionate about talking animation "shop" and I'm still always hungry (for food). (some things never really change lol)
and mostly I worry that I'm still not in any kind of relationship (ie: dating), regardless of whatever...it still preys on the back of my mind, that I would be much more active and interested in everything if I was close to someone that I couldn't wait to spend time with...even if that's not a real reality.
ah well, back to whatever I'm doing instead of what I should be doing...why lie to myself about it...