last post.
there's no reason for me to be on here any more.
the only reason i signed up for livejournal was to
know what was on stephanie's mind, to learn about her.
now i don't want to know anymore. now what's on her mind
bothers me, it upsets me.
if we're really broken up, then i need to suck it up
and act like it. i stayed too attached, and that just
confused me, and it hurt her. and that's not fair.
to this day i don't know what i want. one day i'm positive
that she's what i want, so i try to spend time with her.
a week later it's the exact opposite. steph would get too
attached too fast, and i would get annoyed, felt smothered.
then i'd break off contact, further confusing her.
i have no idea why i did this. i don't know what's wrong with
me, and again, i don't know what i want. maybe more time apart
is what i need, but time apart where i DON'T see her. i'm fairly
sure that wasn't helping.
but then i have to risk losing her forever. i realize that
she needs to move on, and i would never assume or believe or
ask her to wait while i figure my shit out. i want her to move
on. i really really do. because i'm hurting her with my inconsistency,
with my inability to make a decision, with my attitude and apathy.
and i don't feel anymore like i should just jump in with both feet
back in to a relationship that confuses and scares me so much, and
i don't know why not.
basically, i have so much inconsistency and uncertainty related to
my feelings for stephanie that it think it might be best to just
let her be. i'm hurting us both, and i don't like it. i'm pretty
sure i still love her, in one way or another, but i guess that's
not enough. maybe some day i'll get my shit together, but by then
it'll be too late.
so there ya go everyone. you've been wondering what i've been
thinking, i'm sure. that's more or less it. i'm not going
to use this site anymore, but i have email, myspace, facebook,
and a phone. anyone that wants to can find me.
xoxo,
daniel
the only reason i signed up for livejournal was to
know what was on stephanie's mind, to learn about her.
now i don't want to know anymore. now what's on her mind
bothers me, it upsets me.
if we're really broken up, then i need to suck it up
and act like it. i stayed too attached, and that just
confused me, and it hurt her. and that's not fair.
to this day i don't know what i want. one day i'm positive
that she's what i want, so i try to spend time with her.
a week later it's the exact opposite. steph would get too
attached too fast, and i would get annoyed, felt smothered.
then i'd break off contact, further confusing her.
i have no idea why i did this. i don't know what's wrong with
me, and again, i don't know what i want. maybe more time apart
is what i need, but time apart where i DON'T see her. i'm fairly
sure that wasn't helping.
but then i have to risk losing her forever. i realize that
she needs to move on, and i would never assume or believe or
ask her to wait while i figure my shit out. i want her to move
on. i really really do. because i'm hurting her with my inconsistency,
with my inability to make a decision, with my attitude and apathy.
and i don't feel anymore like i should just jump in with both feet
back in to a relationship that confuses and scares me so much, and
i don't know why not.
basically, i have so much inconsistency and uncertainty related to
my feelings for stephanie that it think it might be best to just
let her be. i'm hurting us both, and i don't like it. i'm pretty
sure i still love her, in one way or another, but i guess that's
not enough. maybe some day i'll get my shit together, but by then
it'll be too late.
so there ya go everyone. you've been wondering what i've been
thinking, i'm sure. that's more or less it. i'm not going
to use this site anymore, but i have email, myspace, facebook,
and a phone. anyone that wants to can find me.
xoxo,
daniel