(no subject)
today was just plain strange. an emotional rollercoaster to be exact. sometimes i love my life. other times, i wish i werent alive. i see these other people who are crazy and i think wow they have issues, but im starting to think im not all that different, im just better at hiding it.
my emotions came out of nowhere today really. i didnt understand it. and good lord, when i get alone, i lose my ever loving mind. on the drive home tonight, i stopped in my old church parking lot and cried. just being on its ground gives me so much comfort and makes me feel so close to God, yet i just cant go back there. i think i cried enough for a small pond as i sat there tonight, screaming out at the top of my lungs to God. it had been awhile since i had done that, and i feel bad about it sometimes, but i just think it shows im broken, and i know he is near to me in my brokeness. ill be the first to admit though, it doesnt always seem like he is near, but i know if he werent, i wouldnt be alive today.
ive had a rough day/night/week, for the most part. there have been steps in the right direction though. i just have to keep my head up and keep looking forward, and standing strong and true.
my emotions came out of nowhere today really. i didnt understand it. and good lord, when i get alone, i lose my ever loving mind. on the drive home tonight, i stopped in my old church parking lot and cried. just being on its ground gives me so much comfort and makes me feel so close to God, yet i just cant go back there. i think i cried enough for a small pond as i sat there tonight, screaming out at the top of my lungs to God. it had been awhile since i had done that, and i feel bad about it sometimes, but i just think it shows im broken, and i know he is near to me in my brokeness. ill be the first to admit though, it doesnt always seem like he is near, but i know if he werent, i wouldnt be alive today.
ive had a rough day/night/week, for the most part. there have been steps in the right direction though. i just have to keep my head up and keep looking forward, and standing strong and true.