Look in my eyes. I'm jaded now ... whatever that means.

[thispainedbliss]

I'm kinda stuck in the middle of something. Not sure exactly what. Buts its that place between crying and smiling and you dont know which to do first. So while i was driving i figured if i had nothing/no one around to make me smile i'd give crying a go. Popped in the Used. They always seemed to do the trick for me. But nope. Nothing. I didnt even tear. I choked a bit. Thats been happening a lot lately. I cant seem to cry. Or maybe those 2 hours of crying yesterday afternoon drained me a bit. Or maybe...jsut maybe...i dont have a reason to cry anymore. No point in crying over someone who isnt worth it. Err - i thought was worth it. Could have been worth it. Something. But i think i just want to cry and get it all out. I always feel better after i cry. then there's nothing left inside to weigh me down. I wanna rip it all out of me and put it in a box in my nighttable along with all the other little momentos i've collected over the last year. its done and over with and i'm tired of feeling as if i wasnt enough. Or that i was enough.. and that was the problem.

meh. I'll get it right eventually...