One day I'll be someone *else's* reason...
I got a job, finally. Mom asked me this moring when i went to the store. being that i have nothing better to do I said okay. She showed me how to do the books and whatnot. Just have to watch for mistakes on the slips b/c my dad does things in a rush and puts #s in the wrong spot sometimes. So that was a bit confuzlin'. but other than that mom says i do a pretty good job ::cheeze:: go me and my quick-learning skillz \m/ >_< \m/ i finished 2 days in under 30 minutes. holler. so its good for them. they have too much work to do for only two ppl and it takes my mom all day to just put stuff in the book. so it'll make it a bit easier for them and it'll kick ass for me cuz i'm getting paid. dont kno how much yet. i just wanted to learn how to first. and tomorrow i'm gonna learn how to set up the bills and checks and all that fun shtuff that drives my mom crazy cuz she cant keep shit organized for long. so i'll rock that. and i'm in charge of bringing the drops to the bank. i learned how to make deposits and stuff. like making sure its right and what drop goes where. i kinda like it. makes me feel like i'm doing sumn important rather than wasting my time.
I need to get in contact with my Physics Professors and ask what books we'll be using. i want to get a head start on what we're gonna learn so i'm not completely lost when the fall rolls around. I wont rest until i get my GPA above a 3.0. and if i reach that i wont rest til it's way above that... I'll graduate with a 4.0.
just you wait.
And i need a cuddle real bad. I need to be held. but just held. i wanna know i'm special. . .but for real this time. I'm tired of empty promises. I'm sick of being the 'faithful' one. It hurts to be the "pure" one. Why has it always been just me. Why can't it be the same in return? For someone to mean what they say. For someone to not take me for granted. To not take advantage of the fact that I mean what i say. For someone to not instantly think I'll always be there. To worry that they might lose me. To actually feel as if i'm worth a little bit more to them and to actualy want to prove it to me. Because in the past i wasnt a fucking "reason" for shit, now, was i. No. Nothing changed. I wasnt worth the patience. I wasnt worth waiting for. I was just megan - the stupid little girl who fell in love and who's always going to be there b/c of it. No. I wont be. Not anymore. I won't give in that easily this time. The second chances are over.
I dont understand why the people i care about most need to hurt me before they realize how much they care about me...
Maybe that's just how it's supposed to be. That I'm not meant to me worth much to amyone until i've been crushed to the point of near-nothingness just to be lifted up one last time...
I need a nap.
I need to get in contact with my Physics Professors and ask what books we'll be using. i want to get a head start on what we're gonna learn so i'm not completely lost when the fall rolls around. I wont rest until i get my GPA above a 3.0. and if i reach that i wont rest til it's way above that... I'll graduate with a 4.0.
just you wait.
And i need a cuddle real bad. I need to be held. but just held. i wanna know i'm special. . .but for real this time. I'm tired of empty promises. I'm sick of being the 'faithful' one. It hurts to be the "pure" one. Why has it always been just me. Why can't it be the same in return? For someone to mean what they say. For someone to not take me for granted. To not take advantage of the fact that I mean what i say. For someone to not instantly think I'll always be there. To worry that they might lose me. To actually feel as if i'm worth a little bit more to them and to actualy want to prove it to me. Because in the past i wasnt a fucking "reason" for shit, now, was i. No. Nothing changed. I wasnt worth the patience. I wasnt worth waiting for. I was just megan - the stupid little girl who fell in love and who's always going to be there b/c of it. No. I wont be. Not anymore. I won't give in that easily this time. The second chances are over.
I dont understand why the people i care about most need to hurt me before they realize how much they care about me...
Maybe that's just how it's supposed to be. That I'm not meant to me worth much to amyone until i've been crushed to the point of near-nothingness just to be lifted up one last time...
I need a nap.