Christmas Wish Lists
I feel guilty making out a "wish list".
At one time in my life, a wish list was fun to make. It was all the stuff I desperately wanted and could never buy. It was that long and endless list of stuff you could go to Santa for and hope it'd all come true in some magical woosh down the chimney on Christmas Eve. Because I was a child. I didn't have any money. That special whatever-it-is-this-year was forever out of reach if someone didn't love me enough to spend the incredible sum of.. whatever it was. 25-cents per tooth didn't go far for purchasing toys. So presents were, in some way, equated directly with love. Even when we didn't have much when I was a child, there was always something special and a blinding anticipation of ripping through mounds of paper to find the gifts inside.
I don't think I'm becoming cynical with age, but I hate making out a wish list now. I feel like it's a shopping list of "you should buy this stuff for me". An unalloyed play for monetary appeasement. I don't want that. I'd honestly be happy this year with a bunch of cards and phone calls and leave it at that. I don't want the undirected guilt I get at writing down all the material things I want to have.. or don't really want to have but feel obligated to come up with in order to help those that are trying to buy me Christmas gifts. I mean, I can buy all this stuff for myself, eventually. And probably will if I actually need it. And the stuff I can't buy immediately, I save up for, because it's not the sort of thing you ask for from someone else, anyway.
At the same time I want their lists. I want the little glow of finding the perfect gift that when the paper is torn from, it makes someone happy for a little bit of time. I spend more time watching my family open gifts than anticipating what might be in the next particularly wrapped box with my name on it. And, of course, I worry a bit that they have the same sort-of-dead feeling inside when looking down at a box that likely contains something that isn't really wanted or needed, but of course will crush someone's happy spirit if you don't immediately love what they poured their time and heart into finding as the 'perfect' gift...
This weekend we'll go out and invest in our own set of 'perfect' gifts to box, wrap, package and ship off to our families, based on whatever lists they happen to send us, or on whatever else we can find off the top of our heads if we don't get a list soon enough. I just hope we happen on a few things that will get a smile when opened. That's really all you can ask for.
At one time in my life, a wish list was fun to make. It was all the stuff I desperately wanted and could never buy. It was that long and endless list of stuff you could go to Santa for and hope it'd all come true in some magical woosh down the chimney on Christmas Eve. Because I was a child. I didn't have any money. That special whatever-it-is-this-year was forever out of reach if someone didn't love me enough to spend the incredible sum of.. whatever it was. 25-cents per tooth didn't go far for purchasing toys. So presents were, in some way, equated directly with love. Even when we didn't have much when I was a child, there was always something special and a blinding anticipation of ripping through mounds of paper to find the gifts inside.
I don't think I'm becoming cynical with age, but I hate making out a wish list now. I feel like it's a shopping list of "you should buy this stuff for me". An unalloyed play for monetary appeasement. I don't want that. I'd honestly be happy this year with a bunch of cards and phone calls and leave it at that. I don't want the undirected guilt I get at writing down all the material things I want to have.. or don't really want to have but feel obligated to come up with in order to help those that are trying to buy me Christmas gifts. I mean, I can buy all this stuff for myself, eventually. And probably will if I actually need it. And the stuff I can't buy immediately, I save up for, because it's not the sort of thing you ask for from someone else, anyway.
At the same time I want their lists. I want the little glow of finding the perfect gift that when the paper is torn from, it makes someone happy for a little bit of time. I spend more time watching my family open gifts than anticipating what might be in the next particularly wrapped box with my name on it. And, of course, I worry a bit that they have the same sort-of-dead feeling inside when looking down at a box that likely contains something that isn't really wanted or needed, but of course will crush someone's happy spirit if you don't immediately love what they poured their time and heart into finding as the 'perfect' gift...
This weekend we'll go out and invest in our own set of 'perfect' gifts to box, wrap, package and ship off to our families, based on whatever lists they happen to send us, or on whatever else we can find off the top of our heads if we don't get a list soon enough. I just hope we happen on a few things that will get a smile when opened. That's really all you can ask for.