Who do you need to forgive?
I don't believe that I need to forgive anymore.
Forgiveness isn't mandatory, it's optional, and I prefer not to do it
very often if I can help it. In my line of work its easier to hold a
grudge. For every shot, every hit, and every last explosion. I can't
see any reason to forgive someone who would open fire on me. Training
taught me that forgiveness is a sign of weakness. I cannot afford to be weak.
I'm learning how to forgive in regards to my personal life, but that's never been easy for me either. I blame that on the job too. To be perfectly honest, its funny to me sometimes. I know the truth; that it's me who doesn't want to let go, and not the influence of my profession like I pretend to admit. Using that particular excuse has become second nature to me now. I say it without thinking about how my feelings impact the choices I make in my relationships with other people.
When I strip down all of the excuses I've ever put together about staying my marriage, I understand that my decision all came down to how I felt about John. He seems to have picked up on that as well, as far as I know the feeling is mutual. I'm sorry, he's sorry, we go to counselling to be reminded of all of our poor choices and bad judgement calls, but sometimes I wonder how much of it is necessary.
Forgiveness makes me vulnerable to John. Letting go and being with someone who could hurt me is unsettling when I overthink it. If I could get around having to do that, our sessions would end a lot sooner. But sometimes I prefer to stall, make excuses, blame it on the occupation. I get around the truth. No one wants to be betrayed, but if someone ever did it to me again, I don't think I could let go. I wouldn't need to.
What I would need is the grudge. There's nothing wrong with holding one when it seems to be all that you have left.
Miscellaneous movies/Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Character: Jane Smith
Word count: 355
I'm learning how to forgive in regards to my personal life, but that's never been easy for me either. I blame that on the job too. To be perfectly honest, its funny to me sometimes. I know the truth; that it's me who doesn't want to let go, and not the influence of my profession like I pretend to admit. Using that particular excuse has become second nature to me now. I say it without thinking about how my feelings impact the choices I make in my relationships with other people.
When I strip down all of the excuses I've ever put together about staying my marriage, I understand that my decision all came down to how I felt about John. He seems to have picked up on that as well, as far as I know the feeling is mutual. I'm sorry, he's sorry, we go to counselling to be reminded of all of our poor choices and bad judgement calls, but sometimes I wonder how much of it is necessary.
Forgiveness makes me vulnerable to John. Letting go and being with someone who could hurt me is unsettling when I overthink it. If I could get around having to do that, our sessions would end a lot sooner. But sometimes I prefer to stall, make excuses, blame it on the occupation. I get around the truth. No one wants to be betrayed, but if someone ever did it to me again, I don't think I could let go. I wouldn't need to.
What I would need is the grudge. There's nothing wrong with holding one when it seems to be all that you have left.
Miscellaneous movies/Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Character: Jane Smith
Word count: 355