crossposted. haha
This is an entry on my notebook "material" journal dated 15 August 2004, i wrote in on 2350 HRS on that Sunday.
How sad it is that I have missed writing about too many things in my life on this journal: I forget about them, or that I intentionally do not write them on purposes of forgetting.
[That is how a memory works, right? When one refuses to try to remember (something), it never existed. That wonderful or bitter memory would be merely an echo that will succumb to some things, too hopeless to be remembered!]
If i don't write about them, or think about them, they would be lost somewhere, in limbo maybe.
Those memories that when they do cross my mind, no matter how painful they are, they would paint a smile on my old face, and I will get sickeningly nostalgic and hurt about that memory. (or how it is forgotten!)
Like how my Yigael used to hang around in the kitchen, kicking me while i wash the dishes. How after doing chores, he would hold me really tight, swing and carry me like whisking off a wet umbrella.
I am going to forget about these times, when i get even more jaded with things, with him, with responsibilities, I will forget about these times.
How sad it is to forget! How sad it is that we are permitted to remember life only in fragments because of biology! How sad it is to forget how these times of happiness and pain could feel!
How sad it is that I have missed writing about too many things in my life on this journal: I forget about them, or that I intentionally do not write them on purposes of forgetting.
[That is how a memory works, right? When one refuses to try to remember (something), it never existed. That wonderful or bitter memory would be merely an echo that will succumb to some things, too hopeless to be remembered!]
If i don't write about them, or think about them, they would be lost somewhere, in limbo maybe.
Those memories that when they do cross my mind, no matter how painful they are, they would paint a smile on my old face, and I will get sickeningly nostalgic and hurt about that memory. (or how it is forgotten!)
Like how my Yigael used to hang around in the kitchen, kicking me while i wash the dishes. How after doing chores, he would hold me really tight, swing and carry me like whisking off a wet umbrella.
I am going to forget about these times, when i get even more jaded with things, with him, with responsibilities, I will forget about these times.
How sad it is to forget! How sad it is that we are permitted to remember life only in fragments because of biology! How sad it is to forget how these times of happiness and pain could feel!