Wandering Wonderland (OneShot)
wandering wonderland
kyungsoo!focused + kaisoo (jongin/kyungsoo)
pg-13.
alice in wonderland!au. crack.
oneshot/~4200w.
Kyungsoo stumbles into Wonderland and judges everyone while there. Everyone except the handsome knave being tried for cake theft.
a/n: I am going to seriously botch up the actual Alice in Wonderland story (which is such a good story by the way; I loved reading it as a child), but you know, what do you expect from me. it's gonna be mainly be trying to remember thing from the Disney animated one instead, but really, this is just messing everything up lol. rated pg-13 mainly because of one cuss word (and maybe joking around - or am I? - about drug use) but ya know, whatever. not that people pay attention to ratings unless they're nc-17 because you know what that mean ohohoho. and btw, ninja!taoris is here too playing a certain couple ;o; just a heads up!
•
Curiosity killed the cat. Except no one ever told Kyungsoo that curiosity came in the shape of a white rabbit, and that he happened to be the cat. And if so, shouldn't it be the other way around, because who ever heard of such a ridiculous act of a rabbit killing a cat?
Oh well, he has a lot of time on his hands to think about this now that he's stuck in an odd room with terrible wallpaper. Honestly, who designed this room? Kyungsoo would like to give him a piece of his mind, because if he had to be stuck in a room, couldn't it look a little better than this?
So busy judging the wallpaper, he fails to notice the small bottle on the table right in the middle of the room. It's actually really hard to miss -- it's the only thing in the room -- but Kyungsoo's never been known to be intuitive. When he finally does notice it, after he's done scorning every inch of the wall, his mouth forms an 'O' shape. He picks up the tiny note beside it, reading Drink me.
Under any other circumstances, Kyungsoo would have thrown away the note because no sane person drinks random, purple liquid in the middle of a terribly decorated room with a locked door. Talk about sketchy. However, Kyungsoo didn't really have many choices, and hey, even if it was poison, it could take him out of his misery because he honestly cannot get over how atrocious the wallpaper is. It's simply unacceptable.
The liquid was tasteless, and Kyungsoo wonders if it's just dyed water. If so, ensue more judging, because who does that? However, before his eyes could get any larger, his body started shrinking. And shrinking. And shrinking.
"As if I wasn't already short enough!" Kyungsoo cries in his tiny voice. And now the room seems ten times larger -- the wallpaper is ten times larger! -- and Kyungsoo is about to go insane when he notices a tiny door to his right. How odd. He walks over as fast as his short legs can carry him, but to his disdain, it's locked!
"How cruel can you be?" Kyungsoo moans. He looks around for a key. Little does he know that, as he's exploring the room, someone on the other side opens the door for him. When he returns, disheartened, he's delighted to find the door already peaking open.
He has no idea what's on the other side, but anything would be better than this disgustingly decorated room.
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"I want to go back to the room!" Kyungsoo sobs as he steps in yet another mud puddle. And he just dry cleaned these pants!
He would have thought himself to be in a forest if it wasn't so colorful. He's pretty sure there's no place on Earth that has purple and blue leaves of this arrangement. Or pink caterpillars for that matter.
Upon further look, pink caterpillars that smokes. Kyungsoo contemplates running, but he figures it's no use. And hey, maybe if caterpillars can smoke, they can speak too? It's far-fetched, but Kyungsoo's desperate now. He's three inches tall, his pants are stained, and he wants to take a bath.
"Um, hello?" he starts. There's no response -- the caterpillar doesn't even look at him. Frowning, he tries one more time, "Excuse me? Miss Caterpillar?"
Now it responds -- it whips around faster than Kyungsoo can register, and Kyungsoo almost screams because it has a human face! And it's a man's face as well! At least it's attractive though.
"Did you just call me miss?" he -- can it be called 'he'? -- demands. Despite the disdain in his voice, the man/caterpillar/thing's face seems relatively calm and almost blank even. He doesn't look that much older than Kyungsoo himself... although the caterpillar body is really off-setting him.
"S-Sorry," Kyungsoo stammers, slowly backing up.
"Nah, it's okay," the man/caterpillar/thing says, taking in another smoke of whatever it was he was holding. Kyungsoo is slightly alarmed. "Name's Yixing though, but you can call me Lay because I only ever lay around on this mushroom. It's too tiring to move."
"Why?" Kyungsoo asks, ever-so-curious.
"Well, it's not that it's tiring, but that I'm a caterpillar and it's not exactly safe for me to travel much. Birds are bitches, ya know," Lay says with a shrug, exhaling rings of smoke. Kyungsoo coughs.
"Oh, yeah."
"So why are you so tiny? Most humans are giants, but thank goodness that's all I ever see of them. I know people who've seen the underside of their shoes, if you catch my drift."
Kyungsoo unfortunately does. "How do I get taller before that happens to me?" he asks urgently. It sucks being three inches tall with the threat of being squished every moment lingering in the air.
"I dunno. You could always just get yourself a mushroom like I did and stay there forever. Have a smoke, too. It calms the soul."
Deciding he doesn't want to be a hippie for the rest of his life, he runs the other way. Thankfully, Lay doesn't yell after him.
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Now Kyungsoo really does wish curiosity killed the cat because this cat in particular is rather annoying. In fact, he would much rather run back to the caterpillar if given the choice. Nevertheless, this cat seems to enjoy picking at Kyungsoo and speaking in paradoxes just to mess with his mind.
"You know, they call me Chesire Cat, but I would much prefer the name Chen, don't you think?" he muses, face crowded with a huge grin. Kyungsoo is unnerved. "Or perhaps Chen, the Cheshire Cat? It has a ring to it, doesn't it? Snazzy, quite like your Pororo key chain."
"Hey!" Kyungsoo defends. "I got that for my fifth birthday."
"Oh, and how long ago was that? A month?" Chen, the Cheshire Cat, teases. He fades momentarily only to reappear by Kyungsoo's side, causing him to jump.
"Yes, well, perhaps you have some answers for me then, Mister Sassy Pants!"
"Mister Sassy Pants?" the purple cat muses. "That's really the best you've got? Hah. No wonder he was able to lure you here so quickly." The cat disappears once more, appearing back on the tree Kyungsoo spotted him in.
"What do you mean? Who's he? Is it that sneaky white rabbit? I swear, if I ever see him --"
"You'll turn him into a stuffed rabbit?" Kyungsoo pauses, horrified at the notion, while Chen, the Cheshire Cat, seems rather bored. "I've always pondered the thought, really, but he does his best to stay away from me. Smart man. Sort of."
"How would you stuff him? You don't have hands," Kyungsoo notes.
Chen, the Cheshire Cat, just laughs. And laughs. And laughs. Until he disappears, leaving behind a yellow grin that lingers a moment longer before fading as well.
Kyungsoo swears he's going insane.
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Kyungsoo is feeling hungry now -- that darn rabbit stole him away before he had the chance to eat supper! -- and he's sure there's no McDonalds nearby. He walks aimlessly, hopelessly, in search of something to eat. He's about to try a funky looking mushroom -- poison seems to be the least of his concerns right now -- when he hears obnoxious laughter.
He follows the sound -- it takes him some time to get there, considering his size -- but he almost cries from relief when he spots a large table in the middle of a field. It's odd, but then again, what isn't about this place? He tries yelling to catch their attention, but they don't notice the miniscule boy by their feet.
Kyungsoo sighs, ready to give up, when he turns around and collides into a huge, grinning face. And no, it's not Chen, the Cheshire Cat, thankfully. Although this face is rather alarming as well.
"Well lookie here, dear friends 'o mine, we have a visitor! A tiny one, but a visitor nonetheless!" the surprisingly deep-voiced man bellows, and Kyungsoo is almost literally blown away by the power of his voice.
"How cute! Come, small man, and drink tea with us!" a rabbit exclaims.
"Thank you... rabbit?" Kyungsoo says with a nod. It's hard for them to hear his tiny voice, but they seem to anyway.
"I am not a rabbit," he says, wrinkling his nose. "I am a hare! No, the only rabbit in the land is that Suho fellow, the white one who tends to the King and Queen's every order."
"And the Knave, don't forget the knave," the deep-voiced man adds with a nod.
"Umm, okay," Kyungsoo says, confused.
"Now, tea time!" Before he can say anything, he's carried up by rather large hands and plopped onto something soft and warm.
"Am I on a mouse?" Kyungsoo asks, horrified.
"Dormouse, to be exact, but he likes to be called Sehun for reasons I cannot fathom," the deep-voiced man hums, taking a sip of his tea.
"You like to be called Chanyeol," the hare points out.
"And you, Baekhyun! Yes, we are all odd fellows, but at least we have tea!" He continues to gulp down the rest of it. Kyungsoo watches thirstily -- all of his wandering has made him quite parched.
"Oh how inconsiderate of us," the hare says with a sigh. "I'll try looking for a tiny cup for you, yes. Mad Hatter --"
"Chanyeol," the deep-voiced man corrects cheerfully. "Besides, you need not worry, Baekhyun! I have just the remedy for our tiny fellow's predicament." The colorfully dressed man with crazy hair and an even crazier hat pulls out a tiny cake from his jacket's pocket.
Kyungsoo eyes it warily. He's not sure if he wants to eat anything coming out of that man's pocket -- it could be laced with drugs for all he knows. Much like what everyone else he's come across seems to be on.
"Eat up! I'm sure you're hungry," he says, laying a piece beside him. "It'll help you greatly." Kyungsoo sighs, picking it up and beginning to nibble on it. Chanyeol watches giddily, and Baekhyun continues sipping on his tea.
It feels even odder growing once more, but boy is Kyungsoo glad to be back to his normal size.
"Help," a voice squeaks from underneath him.
"Oh, Dormo-- I mean, Sehun! Sorry, old friend! We forgot he was sitting on you!" Chanyeol apologizes as Kyungsoo immediately stands up, paling at the almost squished mouse beneath him.
"Sorry!" he apologizes.
The mouse doesn't even look at him -- he's too busy glaring at Chanyeol. "You did that on purpose!"
"I did not! You're simply a good cushion, and you're always sleeping anyway. I didn't think you'd notice," Chanyeol replies airily.
"You didn't think I'd notice getting crushed?!"
"Well, you didn't think I'd notice you stashing cheese in my hat now, did you?" Chanyeol retorts, eyes narrowed.
"I knew it was on purpose!"
The two continue bickering, and it's very odd to watch a man fight with a mouse. A man with bright, big orange hair and an alarming fashion sense, and a rather chubby but cute mouse.
Baekhyun offers him some tea to pass the time.
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Kyungsoo would have liked to stay with Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Sehun, for, although they are crazy, they were kind and considerate, unlike everyone else Kyungsoo had met so far. And they seemed to have an endless food supply on their table, which was rather convenient. Besides, Kyungsoo has Chanyeol to thank for returning him to his normal size. (Although he was less than pleased when Chanyeol, after finishing his bickering with Sehun, turned him and said, "Why, you haven't really grown at all!")
But unfortunately a higher being -- apparently called Krisus, or the King of Hearts -- had other plans for him. The White Rabbit was back, and this time with an invitation to the castle.
More like a demand, really. "The Royal family requests your visit. Now come along, we can't keep them waiting." The White Rabbit, who Kyungsoo heard Baekhyun earlier call Suho (honestly, how many names do these people/animals have?), begins to hop off, without even waiting for Kyungsoo to agree.
He turns to his newly made friends in search of what to do, but they've returned to their tea party already. With a sigh, Kyungsoo stands up and follows the Rabbit for the second time that day. This can't be good.
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"Why are the roses all painted with panda faces?" Kyungsoo asks, faintly disturbed at the abundance of them all staring at him.
"The Queen likes panda," the Rabbit replies boredly. "But don't say anything about it to him, or he'll throw a temper tantrum."
Kyungsoo blinks. "Did you say him?"
The Rabbit doesn't reply, and Kyungsoo's about to ask again when he almost trips over the Rabbit. He opens his mouth to complain when he realizes the two men standing in front of him.
"Are they guards?" he asks innocently, but Suho steps down his foot with more force than Kyungsoo thought possible and he bites his lips.
"Your majesties," Suho says, bowing. Kyungsoo pouts, but mimics the motion.
"Is this the boy the knave requested?" the taller of the two -- which is saying something, considering both are rather tall, towering over Kyungsoo -- asks. His eyebrows remind Kyungsoo of the caterpillar he saw earlier.
"Yes, his name is Kyungsoo."
"And where has he been all this time? Didn't we send you out to find him hours ago?"
Suho pales. "Er, well, yes. But I'm afraid I was in a rush and, uh, lost track of him momentarily."
"How long was that moment?"
"... three hours, Your Majesty."
"You're lucky he wasn't killed!" the scary-eyebrows man erupts. "You know how dangerous this place could be, what with people like the Mad Hatter throwing endless parties with his hooligan friends. And Heaven forbid he chanced upon the Cheshire Cat!"
Suho is silent for a moment.
"Did you know he's called Chen now?"
"Off with your head!" the shorter of the two finally says. His eyes are rather dark, much like the pandas painted on roses surrounding them.
Guards start assembling, and Suho is slightly cowering behind Kyungsoo -- who is equally afraid, but more of the King's eyebrows. But the King waves them off.
"Don't be so brash, Tao."
"Aw, but we haven't had a good beheading in a while," the shorter pouts.
"Yes, because we agreed to be more civilized, remember? The last time we had those were when our last Queen was still in power." The King, Queen (at least, if Kyungsoo's assumptions that this kid is the queen is correct), and Suho shudder at the memory.
"Yeah, yeah, you're right," Tao sighs. "Still, those were kind of fun."
"Not really," Suho mumbles.
"Did I ask for your opinion, Rabbit?" he snaps. Suho winces.
"Now, now, Tao. Go eat your cake. Let me handle this." Tao pouts, but eventually leaves with a guard to a table beneath an umbrella. Kyungsoo squints and sees a variety cake already laid out for the Queen, and he is admittedly envious. He didn't even get to finish his sandwiches with Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Sehun, after all.
"So, once we hand him over to the knave, do you think he'll confess to his crimes?" the King continues.
"I'm not sure, King Kris. But I think it will get Jongin out of hiding at the very least."
"What do we do? Lay him out like a piece of fresh meat?" the King scoffs. "How is the knave supposed to know he's here?"
Suho pauses for a moment, thinking. Then he looks up and says, "I think I have an idea."
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"I don't think King Kris was literal about leaving me out as a piece of fresh meat!" Kyungsoo cries.
"Oh, hush, don't worry," Suho says, shaking his head. "I'm not leaving you out as fresh meat. I'm simply getting you to attract Tweedledum and Tweedledee. They like cute things, so you're sure to bring them out."
Kyungsoo frowns. "Thanks?"
"It's not a compliment," the Rabbit scoffs. Kyungsoo scowls. "Anyway, I have a hunch they know where Jongin is."
"And who's Jongin anyway? And why does he want me?" Kyungsoo demands. He swears, when he meets the boy who apparently dragged him into this mess, things will get ugly.
"He's a knave."
"A what."
Suho turns to him and frowns. "I forget you humans from the real world are less educated. A knave is a male servant. Jongin in particular works in the castle, teaching Tao ballroom dances."
"Ballroom dances?"
"Yes, dances that take place in ballrooms?"
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. "I know what they are."
"Then why did you ask?"
"Nevermind," he grumbles.
"Right, well, the King and Queen are looking for him. They suspect him of stealing their precious cakes, and Tao demands punishment. However, Jongin went into hiding before anything could happen."
"Then how did you know he wants me?"
"He e-mailed us."
"He e-mailed you."
"Yes, he e-mailed us. Why do you keep repeating everything I say?"
Kyungsoo shakes his head. "Sorry, this is just the most ridiculous thing I've heard all day. And I've heard a lot today."
"... anyway, he e-mailed us with a single request in turn for him returning to the castle to appear before a jury."
"A jury?"
"Stop that. I'm sure you know what a jury is!"
"I do, but why does he need to go before a jury?"
"So that they can convict him of his crime," Suho explains with a frown, as if it's obvious. Which, in a way, it is.
"But I thought you guys were still unsure?"
"He's our only suspect, and he fled the scene. Sounds pretty guilty to me."
"But still--"
"As I was saying," Suho cuts him off. "His request was to send for a human boy named Do Kyungsoo."
"How did you find me?"
"Google."
"Oh."
"Yes, so I -- wait, did you hear that?"
Kyungsoo listens, but only hears silence. "No, I don't-- hmmm!" His mouth is covered by Suho's dirty paw -- if that's what rabbits have, Kyungsoo's not really sure.
"Shh, that's them. I'm going to be behind the bushes, watching."
"Why?"
"Because they know I'm looking for Jongin! Now just act dumb -- wait, just act like yourself --"
"Hey!"
"SHHH. Act like yourself and remember to ask for Jongin!" Then Suho disappeared behind the bushes. Kyungsoo wishes he'd stay there forever.
A whole minute passes, and Kyungsoo starts to think Suho was just hearing things when suddenly two boys start marching up to him.
"Hey, Luhan. Lookie here! He's sure cute, isn't he?"
"Very cute, Xiumin! I just want to stuff him in my pocket," the other replies with a bright smile.
"Umm, hi?" Kyungsoo says, unsure of what else to do. He thought their names were Tweedledum and Tweedledee, but then again, everyone seems to be changing their names lately.
"Hello! Are you lost?"
"Uh, no. I'm actually looking for someone."
Luhan and Xiumin exchange mischievous glances before Luhan turns to him and asks, "You wouldn't happen to be looking for a Kim Jongin now, would ya?"
Before Kyungsoo can reply, Xiumin does. "Because I recall Jongin's nonstop blabber about a cute boy he's supposed to meet. He calls him his soulmate, but others call him Do Kyungsoo."
Luhan leans in close, grinning. "Are you Do Kyungsoo?"
"Yes..." Kyungsoo replies slowly.
"Great!" Xiumin exclaims, causing Kyungsoo to jump. "We'll tell Jongin right away. He'll meet you at, say, midnight? In the royal garden? Don't be late!"
Then the two are off before Kyungsoo can even get in another word.
"Hey, that's my line," Suho grumbles as he hops out of the bushes.
Kyungsoo sighs, but at least that was a lot easier than he thought it would be.
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Even though Kyungsoo's never met this Jongin, he has to admit he feels kind of bad luring him into this trap. He glances to his left -- there are guards. He glances to his right -- there are guards. He's sure they've got them surrounded, and there's no way Jongin will get out of this.
Despite telling himself Jongin signed up for this, he can't shake the guilt in him.
He's not sure how long he's been standing -- it feels like forever, just like everything else he does here -- but he's getting more and more anxious the longer he waits.
There's a shadow beyond the castle gates, and Kyungsoo feels his palms start sweating and his heart race. The body is slim and agile as it moves closer and closer. As soon as his face comes into the light of the garden's lamps, his heart stops. He's so beautiful...
... even as he's being dragged away by the guards.
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Standing in front of the court of colorful people and animals, Jongin still looks gorgeous. And relatively normal compared to everyone else, to Kyungsoo's delight. Normal enough for Kyungsoo to bring back to his real world... if he ever gets to go back, that is.
"Let the court know that this boy" -- Chanyeol, who apparently acts as a judge during his spare time or something -- "has stolen cake from our beloved Queen!"
A collection of gasps erupt from the court, via cue card.
Kyungsoo frowns, but Jongin seems oddly calm in front of everyone. There's even traces of a smirk on his perfect lips, not that Kyungsoo's been staring at them, nope, not at all.
"And that was damn expensive cake!" Tao snaps, sitting on his royal throne beside Kris, his arms crossed.
"Language, Tao. Such vulgarity is unsuit for a queen." Tao huffs and slouches in his chair.
"Yes, yes, listen to the King, Taozi," a quiet voice lingers in the air, and Tao flinches.
"Cheshire Cat --"
"It's Chen now."
"I don't care what it is, but if you don't stop this, I will wushu your ass to the human world." Kris sends him another warning glance, but doesn't say anything this time.
"Anything to turn me back into a human again," Chen mutters, disappearing again to turn up beside Kyungsoo. "Ahh, it must be nice to have a body."
"Uhhh." Kyungsoo's not sure how to reply to that.
"Stop making him uncomfortable," Baekhyun, who's seated beside Kyungsoo, snaps. "We all want to be human again anyway, but it can't be helped. See what happened to Chanyeol when they turned him back? Turned him mad, and for hats of all things!"
Chen rolls his large, cat eyes. "Chanyeol was crazy before any of this happened." He disappears again, grin last to go as always.
"His grin really creeps me out," Kyungsoo mumbles.
"Yeah, it was like another punishment, since he was so bad."
"With what?"
"Trolling."
"Oh. He still is," Kyungsoo says. Baekhyun nods tiredly. "So why were you guys punished?"
"Different reasons," Baekhyun says with a shrug. "All criminals are. It's either get turned into an animal, or put into the human world."
"And you guys would rather be turned into an animal?" Kyungsoo asks, somewhat offended except not really because he can actually sympathize. The human world is not that pretty.
"Well, yeah," Baekhyun replies as if it's obvious.
Kyungsoo turns his gaze back to Jongin, and flushes when he realizes Jongin's been staring at him the entire time. When their eyes lock, Jongin smirks and waves a finger at him. It's their first meeting, but Kyungsoo swears he's in love.
Or maybe that's just the cookies from earlier talking.
"The court hereby sentences Jongin as guilty!" Chanyeol yells, breaking their concentration on each other. His voice resonates through the hall. Kyungsoo understands why they choose him to speak. "Choose your punishment, Kim Jongin -- life as an animal, or life in a world full of animals?"
Kyungsoo chokes on his laughter and has to remind himself that's not funny because this's his world they're talking about.
Jongin's eyes return to Kyungsoo as he answers, with a sly grin, "Life in the human world."
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"So how did you know to look for me?" Kyungsoo asks after they've returned to Kyungsoo's apartment. He's glad he lives alone, or he wouldn't be able to explain bringing a shirtless boy he just met back home.
"Oh, I read about it in some book. There's tons of crazy stuff in that thing though. Like one where all of us were in some Korean-slash-Mandarin pop group, and there were four Chinese members too. It was kind of crazy, so I was skeptical at first."
"Sounds crazy," Kyungsoo admits. Although, then again, after what he just experienced, crazy is hard to define now.
"Yeah, but I was like, what the hey. I was going to get banished eventually to the real world, and if I figured my potential soulmate was on the other side, I'd have them bring me to him first to save me the work."
Kyungsoo pouts. "That's not romantic though."
Jongin turns to glance at him and laughs. "Don't worry, Kyungsoo. We have plenty of time for romance later. But for now... can you please explain to me what this is?" Kyungsoo sighs, and tells him that's a TV. And that's a refrigerator. And that's a bed... And time progressed with Kyungsoo explaining what everything is, including a kiss and a touch later into the night.
•a/n: Still suffering from writer's block, so I write stupid stuff to pass the time. yes, you guys are sick of me probably. sorry. I am too lol
i think i messed up tweedledum and tweedledee the most but oh well. /sighs.
the only real kaisoo was at the end l o l how misleading of me
lame title is lame yes I know btw but I dunno I couldn't think of anything else :| I hate titles.
Anyway, thank tlist for listening to me whine about this (about everything tbh), particularly Bing for motivating this earlier on (do you remember? xD), and Cha for listening to me talk about how amazing Chen as Cheshire Cat would be. They're the reason I decided to actually write this after asking if it's been done (which I think the answer is no, or else I feel bad now omg). So blame them for this catastrophe. and thanks to Cha and Boba for reading this over me, you beautiful people who distract me from homework LOL I love you, goddess and king! and umm also, TERESA! this fic reminded me of our collab as I wrote it, so I also want to say I miss you, dear :)
thanks for reading my word vomit that was very, very odd. here's to a nice week (hopefully)! may you survive school and work~
kyungsoo!focused + kaisoo (jongin/kyungsoo)
pg-13.
alice in wonderland!au. crack.
oneshot/~4200w.
Kyungsoo stumbles into Wonderland and judges everyone while there. Everyone except the handsome knave being tried for cake theft.
a/n: I am going to seriously botch up the actual Alice in Wonderland story (which is such a good story by the way; I loved reading it as a child), but you know, what do you expect from me. it's gonna be mainly be trying to remember thing from the Disney animated one instead, but really, this is just messing everything up lol. rated pg-13 mainly because of one cuss word (and maybe joking around - or am I? - about drug use) but ya know, whatever. not that people pay attention to ratings unless they're nc-17 because you know what that mean ohohoho. and btw, ninja!taoris is here too playing a certain couple ;o; just a heads up!
•
Curiosity killed the cat. Except no one ever told Kyungsoo that curiosity came in the shape of a white rabbit, and that he happened to be the cat. And if so, shouldn't it be the other way around, because who ever heard of such a ridiculous act of a rabbit killing a cat?
Oh well, he has a lot of time on his hands to think about this now that he's stuck in an odd room with terrible wallpaper. Honestly, who designed this room? Kyungsoo would like to give him a piece of his mind, because if he had to be stuck in a room, couldn't it look a little better than this?
So busy judging the wallpaper, he fails to notice the small bottle on the table right in the middle of the room. It's actually really hard to miss -- it's the only thing in the room -- but Kyungsoo's never been known to be intuitive. When he finally does notice it, after he's done scorning every inch of the wall, his mouth forms an 'O' shape. He picks up the tiny note beside it, reading Drink me.
Under any other circumstances, Kyungsoo would have thrown away the note because no sane person drinks random, purple liquid in the middle of a terribly decorated room with a locked door. Talk about sketchy. However, Kyungsoo didn't really have many choices, and hey, even if it was poison, it could take him out of his misery because he honestly cannot get over how atrocious the wallpaper is. It's simply unacceptable.
The liquid was tasteless, and Kyungsoo wonders if it's just dyed water. If so, ensue more judging, because who does that? However, before his eyes could get any larger, his body started shrinking. And shrinking. And shrinking.
"As if I wasn't already short enough!" Kyungsoo cries in his tiny voice. And now the room seems ten times larger -- the wallpaper is ten times larger! -- and Kyungsoo is about to go insane when he notices a tiny door to his right. How odd. He walks over as fast as his short legs can carry him, but to his disdain, it's locked!
"How cruel can you be?" Kyungsoo moans. He looks around for a key. Little does he know that, as he's exploring the room, someone on the other side opens the door for him. When he returns, disheartened, he's delighted to find the door already peaking open.
He has no idea what's on the other side, but anything would be better than this disgustingly decorated room.
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"I want to go back to the room!" Kyungsoo sobs as he steps in yet another mud puddle. And he just dry cleaned these pants!
He would have thought himself to be in a forest if it wasn't so colorful. He's pretty sure there's no place on Earth that has purple and blue leaves of this arrangement. Or pink caterpillars for that matter.
Upon further look, pink caterpillars that smokes. Kyungsoo contemplates running, but he figures it's no use. And hey, maybe if caterpillars can smoke, they can speak too? It's far-fetched, but Kyungsoo's desperate now. He's three inches tall, his pants are stained, and he wants to take a bath.
"Um, hello?" he starts. There's no response -- the caterpillar doesn't even look at him. Frowning, he tries one more time, "Excuse me? Miss Caterpillar?"
Now it responds -- it whips around faster than Kyungsoo can register, and Kyungsoo almost screams because it has a human face! And it's a man's face as well! At least it's attractive though.
"Did you just call me miss?" he -- can it be called 'he'? -- demands. Despite the disdain in his voice, the man/caterpillar/thing's face seems relatively calm and almost blank even. He doesn't look that much older than Kyungsoo himself... although the caterpillar body is really off-setting him.
"S-Sorry," Kyungsoo stammers, slowly backing up.
"Nah, it's okay," the man/caterpillar/thing says, taking in another smoke of whatever it was he was holding. Kyungsoo is slightly alarmed. "Name's Yixing though, but you can call me Lay because I only ever lay around on this mushroom. It's too tiring to move."
"Why?" Kyungsoo asks, ever-so-curious.
"Well, it's not that it's tiring, but that I'm a caterpillar and it's not exactly safe for me to travel much. Birds are bitches, ya know," Lay says with a shrug, exhaling rings of smoke. Kyungsoo coughs.
"Oh, yeah."
"So why are you so tiny? Most humans are giants, but thank goodness that's all I ever see of them. I know people who've seen the underside of their shoes, if you catch my drift."
Kyungsoo unfortunately does. "How do I get taller before that happens to me?" he asks urgently. It sucks being three inches tall with the threat of being squished every moment lingering in the air.
"I dunno. You could always just get yourself a mushroom like I did and stay there forever. Have a smoke, too. It calms the soul."
Deciding he doesn't want to be a hippie for the rest of his life, he runs the other way. Thankfully, Lay doesn't yell after him.
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Now Kyungsoo really does wish curiosity killed the cat because this cat in particular is rather annoying. In fact, he would much rather run back to the caterpillar if given the choice. Nevertheless, this cat seems to enjoy picking at Kyungsoo and speaking in paradoxes just to mess with his mind.
"You know, they call me Chesire Cat, but I would much prefer the name Chen, don't you think?" he muses, face crowded with a huge grin. Kyungsoo is unnerved. "Or perhaps Chen, the Cheshire Cat? It has a ring to it, doesn't it? Snazzy, quite like your Pororo key chain."
"Hey!" Kyungsoo defends. "I got that for my fifth birthday."
"Oh, and how long ago was that? A month?" Chen, the Cheshire Cat, teases. He fades momentarily only to reappear by Kyungsoo's side, causing him to jump.
"Yes, well, perhaps you have some answers for me then, Mister Sassy Pants!"
"Mister Sassy Pants?" the purple cat muses. "That's really the best you've got? Hah. No wonder he was able to lure you here so quickly." The cat disappears once more, appearing back on the tree Kyungsoo spotted him in.
"What do you mean? Who's he? Is it that sneaky white rabbit? I swear, if I ever see him --"
"You'll turn him into a stuffed rabbit?" Kyungsoo pauses, horrified at the notion, while Chen, the Cheshire Cat, seems rather bored. "I've always pondered the thought, really, but he does his best to stay away from me. Smart man. Sort of."
"How would you stuff him? You don't have hands," Kyungsoo notes.
Chen, the Cheshire Cat, just laughs. And laughs. And laughs. Until he disappears, leaving behind a yellow grin that lingers a moment longer before fading as well.
Kyungsoo swears he's going insane.
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Kyungsoo is feeling hungry now -- that darn rabbit stole him away before he had the chance to eat supper! -- and he's sure there's no McDonalds nearby. He walks aimlessly, hopelessly, in search of something to eat. He's about to try a funky looking mushroom -- poison seems to be the least of his concerns right now -- when he hears obnoxious laughter.
He follows the sound -- it takes him some time to get there, considering his size -- but he almost cries from relief when he spots a large table in the middle of a field. It's odd, but then again, what isn't about this place? He tries yelling to catch their attention, but they don't notice the miniscule boy by their feet.
Kyungsoo sighs, ready to give up, when he turns around and collides into a huge, grinning face. And no, it's not Chen, the Cheshire Cat, thankfully. Although this face is rather alarming as well.
"Well lookie here, dear friends 'o mine, we have a visitor! A tiny one, but a visitor nonetheless!" the surprisingly deep-voiced man bellows, and Kyungsoo is almost literally blown away by the power of his voice.
"How cute! Come, small man, and drink tea with us!" a rabbit exclaims.
"Thank you... rabbit?" Kyungsoo says with a nod. It's hard for them to hear his tiny voice, but they seem to anyway.
"I am not a rabbit," he says, wrinkling his nose. "I am a hare! No, the only rabbit in the land is that Suho fellow, the white one who tends to the King and Queen's every order."
"And the Knave, don't forget the knave," the deep-voiced man adds with a nod.
"Umm, okay," Kyungsoo says, confused.
"Now, tea time!" Before he can say anything, he's carried up by rather large hands and plopped onto something soft and warm.
"Am I on a mouse?" Kyungsoo asks, horrified.
"Dormouse, to be exact, but he likes to be called Sehun for reasons I cannot fathom," the deep-voiced man hums, taking a sip of his tea.
"You like to be called Chanyeol," the hare points out.
"And you, Baekhyun! Yes, we are all odd fellows, but at least we have tea!" He continues to gulp down the rest of it. Kyungsoo watches thirstily -- all of his wandering has made him quite parched.
"Oh how inconsiderate of us," the hare says with a sigh. "I'll try looking for a tiny cup for you, yes. Mad Hatter --"
"Chanyeol," the deep-voiced man corrects cheerfully. "Besides, you need not worry, Baekhyun! I have just the remedy for our tiny fellow's predicament." The colorfully dressed man with crazy hair and an even crazier hat pulls out a tiny cake from his jacket's pocket.
Kyungsoo eyes it warily. He's not sure if he wants to eat anything coming out of that man's pocket -- it could be laced with drugs for all he knows. Much like what everyone else he's come across seems to be on.
"Eat up! I'm sure you're hungry," he says, laying a piece beside him. "It'll help you greatly." Kyungsoo sighs, picking it up and beginning to nibble on it. Chanyeol watches giddily, and Baekhyun continues sipping on his tea.
It feels even odder growing once more, but boy is Kyungsoo glad to be back to his normal size.
"Help," a voice squeaks from underneath him.
"Oh, Dormo-- I mean, Sehun! Sorry, old friend! We forgot he was sitting on you!" Chanyeol apologizes as Kyungsoo immediately stands up, paling at the almost squished mouse beneath him.
"Sorry!" he apologizes.
The mouse doesn't even look at him -- he's too busy glaring at Chanyeol. "You did that on purpose!"
"I did not! You're simply a good cushion, and you're always sleeping anyway. I didn't think you'd notice," Chanyeol replies airily.
"You didn't think I'd notice getting crushed?!"
"Well, you didn't think I'd notice you stashing cheese in my hat now, did you?" Chanyeol retorts, eyes narrowed.
"I knew it was on purpose!"
The two continue bickering, and it's very odd to watch a man fight with a mouse. A man with bright, big orange hair and an alarming fashion sense, and a rather chubby but cute mouse.
Baekhyun offers him some tea to pass the time.
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Kyungsoo would have liked to stay with Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Sehun, for, although they are crazy, they were kind and considerate, unlike everyone else Kyungsoo had met so far. And they seemed to have an endless food supply on their table, which was rather convenient. Besides, Kyungsoo has Chanyeol to thank for returning him to his normal size. (Although he was less than pleased when Chanyeol, after finishing his bickering with Sehun, turned him and said, "Why, you haven't really grown at all!")
But unfortunately a higher being -- apparently called Krisus, or the King of Hearts -- had other plans for him. The White Rabbit was back, and this time with an invitation to the castle.
More like a demand, really. "The Royal family requests your visit. Now come along, we can't keep them waiting." The White Rabbit, who Kyungsoo heard Baekhyun earlier call Suho (honestly, how many names do these people/animals have?), begins to hop off, without even waiting for Kyungsoo to agree.
He turns to his newly made friends in search of what to do, but they've returned to their tea party already. With a sigh, Kyungsoo stands up and follows the Rabbit for the second time that day. This can't be good.
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"Why are the roses all painted with panda faces?" Kyungsoo asks, faintly disturbed at the abundance of them all staring at him.
"The Queen likes panda," the Rabbit replies boredly. "But don't say anything about it to him, or he'll throw a temper tantrum."
Kyungsoo blinks. "Did you say him?"
The Rabbit doesn't reply, and Kyungsoo's about to ask again when he almost trips over the Rabbit. He opens his mouth to complain when he realizes the two men standing in front of him.
"Are they guards?" he asks innocently, but Suho steps down his foot with more force than Kyungsoo thought possible and he bites his lips.
"Your majesties," Suho says, bowing. Kyungsoo pouts, but mimics the motion.
"Is this the boy the knave requested?" the taller of the two -- which is saying something, considering both are rather tall, towering over Kyungsoo -- asks. His eyebrows remind Kyungsoo of the caterpillar he saw earlier.
"Yes, his name is Kyungsoo."
"And where has he been all this time? Didn't we send you out to find him hours ago?"
Suho pales. "Er, well, yes. But I'm afraid I was in a rush and, uh, lost track of him momentarily."
"How long was that moment?"
"... three hours, Your Majesty."
"You're lucky he wasn't killed!" the scary-eyebrows man erupts. "You know how dangerous this place could be, what with people like the Mad Hatter throwing endless parties with his hooligan friends. And Heaven forbid he chanced upon the Cheshire Cat!"
Suho is silent for a moment.
"Did you know he's called Chen now?"
"Off with your head!" the shorter of the two finally says. His eyes are rather dark, much like the pandas painted on roses surrounding them.
Guards start assembling, and Suho is slightly cowering behind Kyungsoo -- who is equally afraid, but more of the King's eyebrows. But the King waves them off.
"Don't be so brash, Tao."
"Aw, but we haven't had a good beheading in a while," the shorter pouts.
"Yes, because we agreed to be more civilized, remember? The last time we had those were when our last Queen was still in power." The King, Queen (at least, if Kyungsoo's assumptions that this kid is the queen is correct), and Suho shudder at the memory.
"Yeah, yeah, you're right," Tao sighs. "Still, those were kind of fun."
"Not really," Suho mumbles.
"Did I ask for your opinion, Rabbit?" he snaps. Suho winces.
"Now, now, Tao. Go eat your cake. Let me handle this." Tao pouts, but eventually leaves with a guard to a table beneath an umbrella. Kyungsoo squints and sees a variety cake already laid out for the Queen, and he is admittedly envious. He didn't even get to finish his sandwiches with Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Sehun, after all.
"So, once we hand him over to the knave, do you think he'll confess to his crimes?" the King continues.
"I'm not sure, King Kris. But I think it will get Jongin out of hiding at the very least."
"What do we do? Lay him out like a piece of fresh meat?" the King scoffs. "How is the knave supposed to know he's here?"
Suho pauses for a moment, thinking. Then he looks up and says, "I think I have an idea."
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"I don't think King Kris was literal about leaving me out as a piece of fresh meat!" Kyungsoo cries.
"Oh, hush, don't worry," Suho says, shaking his head. "I'm not leaving you out as fresh meat. I'm simply getting you to attract Tweedledum and Tweedledee. They like cute things, so you're sure to bring them out."
Kyungsoo frowns. "Thanks?"
"It's not a compliment," the Rabbit scoffs. Kyungsoo scowls. "Anyway, I have a hunch they know where Jongin is."
"And who's Jongin anyway? And why does he want me?" Kyungsoo demands. He swears, when he meets the boy who apparently dragged him into this mess, things will get ugly.
"He's a knave."
"A what."
Suho turns to him and frowns. "I forget you humans from the real world are less educated. A knave is a male servant. Jongin in particular works in the castle, teaching Tao ballroom dances."
"Ballroom dances?"
"Yes, dances that take place in ballrooms?"
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. "I know what they are."
"Then why did you ask?"
"Nevermind," he grumbles.
"Right, well, the King and Queen are looking for him. They suspect him of stealing their precious cakes, and Tao demands punishment. However, Jongin went into hiding before anything could happen."
"Then how did you know he wants me?"
"He e-mailed us."
"He e-mailed you."
"Yes, he e-mailed us. Why do you keep repeating everything I say?"
Kyungsoo shakes his head. "Sorry, this is just the most ridiculous thing I've heard all day. And I've heard a lot today."
"... anyway, he e-mailed us with a single request in turn for him returning to the castle to appear before a jury."
"A jury?"
"Stop that. I'm sure you know what a jury is!"
"I do, but why does he need to go before a jury?"
"So that they can convict him of his crime," Suho explains with a frown, as if it's obvious. Which, in a way, it is.
"But I thought you guys were still unsure?"
"He's our only suspect, and he fled the scene. Sounds pretty guilty to me."
"But still--"
"As I was saying," Suho cuts him off. "His request was to send for a human boy named Do Kyungsoo."
"How did you find me?"
"Google."
"Oh."
"Yes, so I -- wait, did you hear that?"
Kyungsoo listens, but only hears silence. "No, I don't-- hmmm!" His mouth is covered by Suho's dirty paw -- if that's what rabbits have, Kyungsoo's not really sure.
"Shh, that's them. I'm going to be behind the bushes, watching."
"Why?"
"Because they know I'm looking for Jongin! Now just act dumb -- wait, just act like yourself --"
"Hey!"
"SHHH. Act like yourself and remember to ask for Jongin!" Then Suho disappeared behind the bushes. Kyungsoo wishes he'd stay there forever.
A whole minute passes, and Kyungsoo starts to think Suho was just hearing things when suddenly two boys start marching up to him.
"Hey, Luhan. Lookie here! He's sure cute, isn't he?"
"Very cute, Xiumin! I just want to stuff him in my pocket," the other replies with a bright smile.
"Umm, hi?" Kyungsoo says, unsure of what else to do. He thought their names were Tweedledum and Tweedledee, but then again, everyone seems to be changing their names lately.
"Hello! Are you lost?"
"Uh, no. I'm actually looking for someone."
Luhan and Xiumin exchange mischievous glances before Luhan turns to him and asks, "You wouldn't happen to be looking for a Kim Jongin now, would ya?"
Before Kyungsoo can reply, Xiumin does. "Because I recall Jongin's nonstop blabber about a cute boy he's supposed to meet. He calls him his soulmate, but others call him Do Kyungsoo."
Luhan leans in close, grinning. "Are you Do Kyungsoo?"
"Yes..." Kyungsoo replies slowly.
"Great!" Xiumin exclaims, causing Kyungsoo to jump. "We'll tell Jongin right away. He'll meet you at, say, midnight? In the royal garden? Don't be late!"
Then the two are off before Kyungsoo can even get in another word.
"Hey, that's my line," Suho grumbles as he hops out of the bushes.
Kyungsoo sighs, but at least that was a lot easier than he thought it would be.
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Even though Kyungsoo's never met this Jongin, he has to admit he feels kind of bad luring him into this trap. He glances to his left -- there are guards. He glances to his right -- there are guards. He's sure they've got them surrounded, and there's no way Jongin will get out of this.
Despite telling himself Jongin signed up for this, he can't shake the guilt in him.
He's not sure how long he's been standing -- it feels like forever, just like everything else he does here -- but he's getting more and more anxious the longer he waits.
There's a shadow beyond the castle gates, and Kyungsoo feels his palms start sweating and his heart race. The body is slim and agile as it moves closer and closer. As soon as his face comes into the light of the garden's lamps, his heart stops. He's so beautiful...
... even as he's being dragged away by the guards.
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Standing in front of the court of colorful people and animals, Jongin still looks gorgeous. And relatively normal compared to everyone else, to Kyungsoo's delight. Normal enough for Kyungsoo to bring back to his real world... if he ever gets to go back, that is.
"Let the court know that this boy" -- Chanyeol, who apparently acts as a judge during his spare time or something -- "has stolen cake from our beloved Queen!"
A collection of gasps erupt from the court, via cue card.
Kyungsoo frowns, but Jongin seems oddly calm in front of everyone. There's even traces of a smirk on his perfect lips, not that Kyungsoo's been staring at them, nope, not at all.
"And that was damn expensive cake!" Tao snaps, sitting on his royal throne beside Kris, his arms crossed.
"Language, Tao. Such vulgarity is unsuit for a queen." Tao huffs and slouches in his chair.
"Yes, yes, listen to the King, Taozi," a quiet voice lingers in the air, and Tao flinches.
"Cheshire Cat --"
"It's Chen now."
"I don't care what it is, but if you don't stop this, I will wushu your ass to the human world." Kris sends him another warning glance, but doesn't say anything this time.
"Anything to turn me back into a human again," Chen mutters, disappearing again to turn up beside Kyungsoo. "Ahh, it must be nice to have a body."
"Uhhh." Kyungsoo's not sure how to reply to that.
"Stop making him uncomfortable," Baekhyun, who's seated beside Kyungsoo, snaps. "We all want to be human again anyway, but it can't be helped. See what happened to Chanyeol when they turned him back? Turned him mad, and for hats of all things!"
Chen rolls his large, cat eyes. "Chanyeol was crazy before any of this happened." He disappears again, grin last to go as always.
"His grin really creeps me out," Kyungsoo mumbles.
"Yeah, it was like another punishment, since he was so bad."
"With what?"
"Trolling."
"Oh. He still is," Kyungsoo says. Baekhyun nods tiredly. "So why were you guys punished?"
"Different reasons," Baekhyun says with a shrug. "All criminals are. It's either get turned into an animal, or put into the human world."
"And you guys would rather be turned into an animal?" Kyungsoo asks, somewhat offended except not really because he can actually sympathize. The human world is not that pretty.
"Well, yeah," Baekhyun replies as if it's obvious.
Kyungsoo turns his gaze back to Jongin, and flushes when he realizes Jongin's been staring at him the entire time. When their eyes lock, Jongin smirks and waves a finger at him. It's their first meeting, but Kyungsoo swears he's in love.
Or maybe that's just the cookies from earlier talking.
"The court hereby sentences Jongin as guilty!" Chanyeol yells, breaking their concentration on each other. His voice resonates through the hall. Kyungsoo understands why they choose him to speak. "Choose your punishment, Kim Jongin -- life as an animal, or life in a world full of animals?"
Kyungsoo chokes on his laughter and has to remind himself that's not funny because this's his world they're talking about.
Jongin's eyes return to Kyungsoo as he answers, with a sly grin, "Life in the human world."
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"So how did you know to look for me?" Kyungsoo asks after they've returned to Kyungsoo's apartment. He's glad he lives alone, or he wouldn't be able to explain bringing a shirtless boy he just met back home.
"Oh, I read about it in some book. There's tons of crazy stuff in that thing though. Like one where all of us were in some Korean-slash-Mandarin pop group, and there were four Chinese members too. It was kind of crazy, so I was skeptical at first."
"Sounds crazy," Kyungsoo admits. Although, then again, after what he just experienced, crazy is hard to define now.
"Yeah, but I was like, what the hey. I was going to get banished eventually to the real world, and if I figured my potential soulmate was on the other side, I'd have them bring me to him first to save me the work."
Kyungsoo pouts. "That's not romantic though."
Jongin turns to glance at him and laughs. "Don't worry, Kyungsoo. We have plenty of time for romance later. But for now... can you please explain to me what this is?" Kyungsoo sighs, and tells him that's a TV. And that's a refrigerator. And that's a bed... And time progressed with Kyungsoo explaining what everything is, including a kiss and a touch later into the night.
•a/n: Still suffering from writer's block, so I write stupid stuff to pass the time. yes, you guys are sick of me probably. sorry. I am too lol
i think i messed up tweedledum and tweedledee the most but oh well. /sighs.
the only real kaisoo was at the end l o l how misleading of me
lame title is lame yes I know btw but I dunno I couldn't think of anything else :| I hate titles.
Anyway, thank tlist for listening to me whine about this (about everything tbh), particularly Bing for motivating this earlier on (do you remember? xD), and Cha for listening to me talk about how amazing Chen as Cheshire Cat would be. They're the reason I decided to actually write this after asking if it's been done (which I think the answer is no, or else I feel bad now omg). So blame them for this catastrophe. and thanks to Cha and Boba for reading this over me, you beautiful people who distract me from homework LOL I love you, goddess and king! and umm also, TERESA! this fic reminded me of our collab as I wrote it, so I also want to say I miss you, dear :)
thanks for reading my word vomit that was very, very odd. here's to a nice week (hopefully)! may you survive school and work~