Is the Citizens Advice place really that bad?
RL STUFF AHEAD
So me and my GP are about 98% sure that I have cyclothymia. He said this to me in the beginning of November and I've still not been diagnosed because he can't do it, not being a mental health professional, and I've still got to wait until the seventeenth of this month to see a psychiatrist. That's a very long time when one week you're the most awesome, talented and special person in the whole world, with a million ideas and plans for the future pushing their way into your mind, and then the next week the only option open to somebody as worthless as you are is death. Or at least a sink full of blood and two weeks of long sleeves.
Anyway, it's a long time to go without some kind of help, and the only reason I've not done anything really stupid is the promise of some kind of help in the near future.
Don't get me wrong, though, because this is awesome. There is an actual, treatable reason why every couple of weeks I physically can't get out of bed, or smile, or sleep the right amount, or hold down a job or a course at college. And there's a reason why every couple of weeks I run myself ragged painting huge pictures or starting novels, coming on to strangers, and juggle so much energy I end up hitting walls.
Today is very strange because right now I am incredibly excited and happy, but earlier on I was so low that I was in full on tears in public.
But, as my step sister said just now, it could be worse. And you know what? Right now I'm inclined to agree with her. I've just outlined and entire novel in an hour. So there's a silver lining, eh? :) I'm going to be an awesome novelist. Well, okay, maybe not an awesome novelist, but I know four so called writers who never write anything, so at least I'm giving it a fucking good go while I'm able to, and what more can I do than that? So bring it on, life, and suck my big fat imaginary cock!