(no subject)
Man... I have never been more frustrated. I think the insecurities and the truths and the lies and the mismatched stories have all kind of come to a head. Ignorance is bliss, I guess, but it never quite felt right - And now I know why in the worst of ways. It was more than wonderful to speak to Leo yesterday, but god did he bring up a lot of things that both made me feel completely alone, and completely understood at the same time. Then speaking to my brother, and reaching out to Efrem - Just to try and understand this situation (that I will not bring up in any detail until I'm ready to, individually/not here). One thing I'm good at, is taking the fall. I'm really amazing at taking the roll of the villain. I'm fantastic at looking bad. I've always had to be ok with it, whether or not it was actually a fair assessment. It fucking hurts like nothing else to know that everyone you once knew, has had their opinions of you change - Not because the opinions changed, not that, but because they changed their opinions based on half a story. Half the facts. Half the truth. Half the lies. Half of everything.
Half.
And well, if anyone relevant to this current rant is reading this - Do you really think that justice was carried through? Do you still think it was my place, what i deserved, to have taken these bullets? Regardless to the reasons, you all know I am an incredibly forgiving and understanding person. You all know that even when I'd like to - I will not judge you for the motives. I will never judge you. I'll take the judgement, I'll take it all so that you(all) don't have to. But I mean, after a while.... I just think that it would be fair to take a little bit of the ugliness for yourselves. I mean, honestly - How much more hideous can you paint me? Goya's Saturn Devouring His Son ain't got shit on me.
Half.
And well, if anyone relevant to this current rant is reading this - Do you really think that justice was carried through? Do you still think it was my place, what i deserved, to have taken these bullets? Regardless to the reasons, you all know I am an incredibly forgiving and understanding person. You all know that even when I'd like to - I will not judge you for the motives. I will never judge you. I'll take the judgement, I'll take it all so that you(all) don't have to. But I mean, after a while.... I just think that it would be fair to take a little bit of the ugliness for yourselves. I mean, honestly - How much more hideous can you paint me? Goya's Saturn Devouring His Son ain't got shit on me.