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[If you were expecting a whiny teenager on the network giving an exasperated sigh over how the mansion took far too long with its decorating when it obviously could have just been done in about ten seconds as usual, well. You'll be very surprised. Instead, the camera has turned on by itself, and it's angled down...much farther than usual
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[Uh. Well. That's weird.]
[Kind of hurts, if he's going to be honest with himself. Takes him back to a time when things were easier, when the only problems Kurt had were little kid problems and his mother was still around. He wonders how old Kurt is exactly... wonders if he knows. But... it's not like he can just ignore his now-teeny son, so he's just gonna push on through this conversation.]
...Need help getting to that stocking, kiddo?
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[Excuse him while he rushes over and latches onto your leg. He didn't know where you were for a whole I don't know how long!]
Uh-huh. It's too high. [But this isn't a problem anymore because DAD is here, and he's TALL.]
...Dad, where are we? Did Santa come early and bring us a new house? It's really nice. [DAD WILL KNOW BECAUSE HE'S DAD.]
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[...Okay, so does he freak Kurt out by explaining the truth, or come up with something nicer?]
[Well, the kid already believes in Santa. Another white lie won't hurt.]
Santa's pretty busy right now, son. Got that list to check and all. As for this place, it's uh... we're takin' a little vacation. You like it?
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[His whole face lights up when he's talking about the mansion though, and he starts talking at the speed of light.] Uh-huh! It's really big in here, and it's all decorated for Christmas, and I think I saw a hippo, and that Christmas tree is bigger than our house, and I met a cheerleader named Santana and she showed me the magic kitchen and she gave me cupcakes and- oh!
[Oh! Right! Where'd he put those...oh there they are! He has two cupcakes saran-wrapped individually in his pockets. They're a little squished, but they're not contaminated or anything. He holds them out to his dad.]
I saved one for you and Mom. Where is she?
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She ain't here yet. It might be a while, but you and me can hang out together until then, all right?
[That's... not really lying, but it's not too distressingly worded, he hopes. Anyway, distraction!]
Sounds like you've had a busy day. Here, let's take a look at that stocking...
[He fetches it so Kurt can look more closely.]
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You can hold hers too then. But don't eat her cupcake - it's for Mom. [HE KNOWS YOU LIKE YOUR JUNK FOOD, DAD.]
[And that's the end of that, for now. Kurt peeks into the stocking and CURSES AGAIN THERE IS STILL NOTHING THERE. He sticks his whole arm in all the way to the bottom, but there's nothing. Awww.]
Santana said Santa didn't come yet too, but I wanted to be really sure.
[Here Dad, you can have the stocking back. He'll believe it now that his Dad's said it, so he doesn't really need to check again.]
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[He puts the stocking back up, then turns back to Kurt, still holding the cupcakes carefully.]
I got a little fridge in my room--I can put hers in there, and I promise I won't mess with it or nothin'. Meantime, Santa's got a couple weeks of stuff left to do, so we got time to kill. Whatcha say we take a look around the place, check out all the decorations?
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[He is totally committed to having Dad adventures. Dad even wants to go look at pretty things. I mean, it's Christmas so that's probably why, but it's still going to be pretty great.]
Did you know the tinsel's magic? I broke it for my boa and it grew back together. [He whispers it like it's a big secret or something. Magic in books and movies and things always feels like a big secret, after all. But this is important info!]
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It did? How 'bout that...
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[Before his Dad can say anything, Kurt zooms off to the nearest wall and is on his tip-toes again, grabbing for the tinsel. It takes him a couple of tries, but eventually he yanks a piece down. He's more careful this time though, so he doesn't topple over again. Instead he just lets go and stares at it. AND OF COURSE THIS MAKES IT TAKE FOREVER, but eventually the end twitches and crawls up the wall, reconnecting where it broke.
Kurt is filled with WIDE-EYED WONDER as he looks back at his dad.]
They're magic! We're in a magic house!
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Well, ain't that something. Hey, you seen it do anything else magical?
[Give the kid his fun, he reckons. And he'll just try to enjoy it for now.]
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[He thinks for a second. Has he seen anything else? Hm...]
...And maybe that's how they got the hippo inside? It might be a magic hippo.
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[Man, he hopes this is going to turn out to be one of those adorable childish imagination things...]
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Uh-huh! It was over by the big tree. I think it was trying to eat things off of it.
[A pause.] Dad, do hippos eat Christmas trees?
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[He'll just tug on his dad's clothes and lean in the general direction of the front hall. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO SEE THE HIPPO, DAD.] C'mon, it might still be there!
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