Retarded Police and Garden Statues
1. About a year ago, somebody stole my bike from in front of my apartment. I was pretty upset, until somebody stole my replacement bike three months later, at which point I became incredibly upset. I now have a squeaky, bent out of shape bike that no one in their right mind you want to steal - I hope. I didn't bother making a police report for a number of reasons - mostly the fact I don't speak Japanese and the bike was registered in the name of the person I bought it off of.
Anyhow, a few nights ago there was a knock at my door at the ungodly hour of 2:30. There were two police officers outside the door. Now, my first thoughts were "Murder, fire, or deportation?"
"Are you Deborah Hudson?"
"Whuuuu?"
"Are you Deborah Hudson?
"No. She lived here before me. In 2008."
"But we found her bicycle!"
"Um? Yes?"
"Do you know where she is now?"
"Australia."
*Pause, a conference in rapid fire Japanese"
"So, Deborah Hudson cannot get her bike?"
"No."
"She does not live here?"
"No."
"She will not return?"
"Doubtful."
"Huh?"
"No."
"Do you know Deborah Hudson's family?"
"No."
"Does your husband know Deborah Hudson's family?"
"Who?"
"Your husband."
"That's my boyfriend."
"But you live together?"
"Yes."
"But you are not married?"
"No."
"Ohhhhhhhh........."
"Yeah."
More Japanese. I catch the words "foreigner" and "strange".
Anyhow, this goes on for some time before I manage to get them out the door with a not so forced yawn or two, then collapse in bed. Only to realize, after starting to drift off, that I BOUGHT DEBORAH HUDSON'S BIKE, and it was registered in HER name. I am an idiot.
2.
I am engrossed in the new series of Doctor Who. David Tennant is gone and Matt Smith has rolled in, just as awesome AND wearing suspenders. His hairstyle seems to have been borrowed from Robert Pattinson.
And my favourite writer took over too! Next week's episode features my favourite enemy, the weeping stone angels. Lizzy and I watched this a couple of years ago late at night and were whimpering to each other the whole time and hiding under blankets.
Anyways, those stone angels you see in churches, crying into their hands? Evil. They have an automatic defense system, where if anyone is looking at them, they turn into stone. Look away and they're sucking the life out of you. So why do they cover their eyes? They can't risk looking at each other. If they were, they would be locked into stone forever.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5MogCPRxlg&feature=related
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Bring it on!
Anyhow, a few nights ago there was a knock at my door at the ungodly hour of 2:30. There were two police officers outside the door. Now, my first thoughts were "Murder, fire, or deportation?"
"Are you Deborah Hudson?"
"Whuuuu?"
"Are you Deborah Hudson?
"No. She lived here before me. In 2008."
"But we found her bicycle!"
"Um? Yes?"
"Do you know where she is now?"
"Australia."
*Pause, a conference in rapid fire Japanese"
"So, Deborah Hudson cannot get her bike?"
"No."
"She does not live here?"
"No."
"She will not return?"
"Doubtful."
"Huh?"
"No."
"Do you know Deborah Hudson's family?"
"No."
"Does your husband know Deborah Hudson's family?"
"Who?"
"Your husband."
"That's my boyfriend."
"But you live together?"
"Yes."
"But you are not married?"
"No."
"Ohhhhhhhh........."
"Yeah."
More Japanese. I catch the words "foreigner" and "strange".
Anyhow, this goes on for some time before I manage to get them out the door with a not so forced yawn or two, then collapse in bed. Only to realize, after starting to drift off, that I BOUGHT DEBORAH HUDSON'S BIKE, and it was registered in HER name. I am an idiot.
2.
I am engrossed in the new series of Doctor Who. David Tennant is gone and Matt Smith has rolled in, just as awesome AND wearing suspenders. His hairstyle seems to have been borrowed from Robert Pattinson.
And my favourite writer took over too! Next week's episode features my favourite enemy, the weeping stone angels. Lizzy and I watched this a couple of years ago late at night and were whimpering to each other the whole time and hiding under blankets.
Anyways, those stone angels you see in churches, crying into their hands? Evil. They have an automatic defense system, where if anyone is looking at them, they turn into stone. Look away and they're sucking the life out of you. So why do they cover their eyes? They can't risk looking at each other. If they were, they would be locked into stone forever.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5MogCPRxlg&feature=related
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Bring it on!