220 pounds of Riggatone and Me
Good Lord, the stupidity of people never ceases to amaze me. While working the end of a shift, I was accosted by "The Riggattone Man", a rather portly gentlemen who comes in periodically from the States half an hour after the store closes to rail on about how its imperative we open the door for him so he can get his ten pounds of pasta, which he can never find because of its mysterious and unchanging location in the store. Anyhow, he managed to come in before closing this time, and begins the most annoying of conversations.
He informs me that he's Ray Canale, a famous Italian comedian from the States, and that I look like a nice girl who would never "cohabitate" with the male species before marriage. As if he hadn't made the conversation awkward enough, he proceeds to invite me to his show in Watertown, saying that I'll look real good if I'd only put on a little black dress and high heel shoes.
I try to decline politely, saying thank you but I don't have a car and its impossible. To which he says he'll arrange a car for me, he knows some really classy people in Kingston who'd be delighted. I try to be polite again. At this point he decides the reason I'm refusing is because I don't believe he's legit, so he runs out to his car and comes back with his resume, which is not so much a resume as a picturebook of him and famous people.
"Look, that's me and Tony Bennett!"
He scribbles his number on the thing and hands it to me, with instructions to call him with inside of three days. I say we'll see, and he suddenly gets angry and says "Why do I feel like I'm doing something wrong, I'm just trying to treat you like a lady, I'm not coming on to you or anything."
Christ. Maybe it's an Italian thing.
What I'd much, much, much rather see is Derren Brown. There are still tickets left for his live tour in England which runs until the end of May, and sitting here in Kingston while there are more interesting things going on elsewhere is killing me. I mean, would it really be that stupid to spend hundred of dollars on airfare and then 19 pounds on the show? Why is everything remotely interesting in the world NOT in Canada? I haven't left Ontario in 4 years, and am sorely in need of a vacation.
Apparently he has one trick where he puts a bag over his head while an audience member tracks his pulse. Then his pulse disappears. Plus, he meets cheesy fangirls like me at the end of every show, so maybe I could nerd it up with him and have a two minute conversation about life.
God, Kingston is the second most boring place in the universe, only slightly ahead of Barfhaven.
He informs me that he's Ray Canale, a famous Italian comedian from the States, and that I look like a nice girl who would never "cohabitate" with the male species before marriage. As if he hadn't made the conversation awkward enough, he proceeds to invite me to his show in Watertown, saying that I'll look real good if I'd only put on a little black dress and high heel shoes.
I try to decline politely, saying thank you but I don't have a car and its impossible. To which he says he'll arrange a car for me, he knows some really classy people in Kingston who'd be delighted. I try to be polite again. At this point he decides the reason I'm refusing is because I don't believe he's legit, so he runs out to his car and comes back with his resume, which is not so much a resume as a picturebook of him and famous people.
"Look, that's me and Tony Bennett!"
He scribbles his number on the thing and hands it to me, with instructions to call him with inside of three days. I say we'll see, and he suddenly gets angry and says "Why do I feel like I'm doing something wrong, I'm just trying to treat you like a lady, I'm not coming on to you or anything."
Christ. Maybe it's an Italian thing.
What I'd much, much, much rather see is Derren Brown. There are still tickets left for his live tour in England which runs until the end of May, and sitting here in Kingston while there are more interesting things going on elsewhere is killing me. I mean, would it really be that stupid to spend hundred of dollars on airfare and then 19 pounds on the show? Why is everything remotely interesting in the world NOT in Canada? I haven't left Ontario in 4 years, and am sorely in need of a vacation.
Apparently he has one trick where he puts a bag over his head while an audience member tracks his pulse. Then his pulse disappears. Plus, he meets cheesy fangirls like me at the end of every show, so maybe I could nerd it up with him and have a two minute conversation about life.
God, Kingston is the second most boring place in the universe, only slightly ahead of Barfhaven.