Your Results May Vary
I feel weird. So weird. I feel so detached from the life that's going on around me. I'm afraid I might disappear, or that I'll still think I'm hear but nobody else will be able to take notice of me anymore. I'm afraid I might start screaming and no one will be able to hear me. Then, of course, I'm afraid my mental problems are so much worse than anyone ever thought they were and that I'm going crazy. What worries me is that, while I may have had similar feelings to the ones above before, like in high school or whatever, I was able to distinguish their irrationality from reality, and know that that wasn't really the case, whereas now I am actually worried that these things are a possibility, that they might happen. I hate that. It's so scary.
I am clearly very paranoid. I think. The fact that I am unsure about this is probably a sign. I started another AD, Well.butrin (XL, 150mg) on Wednesday, which has a propensity for anxiety as it is. But I'm also on Pred.nisone: more anxiety warnings! I've already had some problems with anxiety with that one, too. Soooo, combined, perhaps that is my problem, even though I've only been on the one four days. I hope that's it. Even this lovely, rational paragraph that I just wrote myself I have trouble believing. Ahhhhh, paranoia is the worst. Especially since my horrible-awful-no-good-very-bad high a few weeks ago, I am utterly terrified of it. I worry that that will come back, even though it strikes me as highly unlikely considering it was drug-induced..... Now I'm just rambling.
I've been on the edge of tears. I feel like I'm living some weird kind of lie. I can't do anything I want to do. I am none too pleased with the way things are in my life right now. I want to cling to my parents like a little girl and pray they never send me back to Cincinnati.
I would love love love to cuddle with Adam Rose right now. But NOT this new crap Adam, I want the old Adam, the old Adam who was good, and real, back when we were friends and I didn't have to worry that it was all a lie.
I am clearly very paranoid. I think. The fact that I am unsure about this is probably a sign. I started another AD, Well.butrin (XL, 150mg) on Wednesday, which has a propensity for anxiety as it is. But I'm also on Pred.nisone: more anxiety warnings! I've already had some problems with anxiety with that one, too. Soooo, combined, perhaps that is my problem, even though I've only been on the one four days. I hope that's it. Even this lovely, rational paragraph that I just wrote myself I have trouble believing. Ahhhhh, paranoia is the worst. Especially since my horrible-awful-no-good-very-bad high a few weeks ago, I am utterly terrified of it. I worry that that will come back, even though it strikes me as highly unlikely considering it was drug-induced..... Now I'm just rambling.
I've been on the edge of tears. I feel like I'm living some weird kind of lie. I can't do anything I want to do. I am none too pleased with the way things are in my life right now. I want to cling to my parents like a little girl and pray they never send me back to Cincinnati.
I would love love love to cuddle with Adam Rose right now. But NOT this new crap Adam, I want the old Adam, the old Adam who was good, and real, back when we were friends and I didn't have to worry that it was all a lie.