/// were lost with out each other
i have been having the most morbid thoughts lately. i keep thinking of people around me dying - especially old men that i know. a customer came in the other day. he was old and chattered to me the whole time he was eating his ham and cheese potato. he had sores all over his face. he claimed they were from when he fought in korea. something about the food that he ate there messed with his immune system. he struck me as one of those old men you see in movies or read about in books, the ones who if you took the time to sit and listen to them and get to know them, somehow, in an obscure way, they change your life, or impact in it some monumentaly small way. i thought of that, and then i thought of him dying. perhaps from secretly having aids, or a heartattack, or ...something as equally morbid. it made me sad. i almost couldnt look him in the face without wanting to cry. i hope i never see him again. i think i would cry if i did.
i thought of my grandfather dying. hes had several pace makers inserted, he has suffered through two very serious strokes, hes diabetic and his motor skills are slightly ....un...functioning? but hes a trooper and still going strong. i remember when i was little my cousins and i used to run up to him and hug him when we heard him come through the door. wed hang onto his neck and fight each other to see who held onto the front (( that ment we got the first hug)). his health started to fail and we started to get older and become more concerned with other things than family. every time i look at him my heart starts to hurt. we dont hold very lengthy conversations anymore as its hard for him to fully say words now. he walks, and hes determined, but hes severely slow and unbalanced.
i wonder if my body will do the same to me down the line, or if my husband will end up in the same way. i look at my grandmother then, and see a woman who refuses to age. i think shes younger than i am, but just that much more wise.
i wonder where this is all coming from. death and old age.
sigh.
i thought of my grandfather dying. hes had several pace makers inserted, he has suffered through two very serious strokes, hes diabetic and his motor skills are slightly ....un...functioning? but hes a trooper and still going strong. i remember when i was little my cousins and i used to run up to him and hug him when we heard him come through the door. wed hang onto his neck and fight each other to see who held onto the front (( that ment we got the first hug)). his health started to fail and we started to get older and become more concerned with other things than family. every time i look at him my heart starts to hurt. we dont hold very lengthy conversations anymore as its hard for him to fully say words now. he walks, and hes determined, but hes severely slow and unbalanced.
i wonder if my body will do the same to me down the line, or if my husband will end up in the same way. i look at my grandmother then, and see a woman who refuses to age. i think shes younger than i am, but just that much more wise.
i wonder where this is all coming from. death and old age.
sigh.