the egg carton redemption
i know that not a one of you will read this until, say, sunday. because for some reason it seems like people aren't around on the internet on the weekends or if you are you try to only be there for like, eh, 5 to 10 minutes. because you don't want to look like you had nothing to do on the weekend. (myspace kinda screws that up, doesn't it?) at any rate, even if this isn't the case with any of you, it is with me. i hope you all think i do glorious things on the weekends. but sadly, i usually don't.
anyway, yesterday, with in 24 hours i single-handedly managed to kill: 2 raccoons and 1 beta fish (chinese fighting fish, what have you.)
the raccoons were attempting to cross the street i live off, but there is heavy construction going on there (i live in orlando, so, adding that to the sentences is almost unnecessary.) once they got out into the road and into the middle of the street; they were faced with the fact that workers had placed a giant concrete median thing that prevented them from making it completely to the other side. they were stuck. in front of my car. both of them.
the fish simply quit eating after spending the holidays with me and my family. i don't know if my mom was hard on him for gaining a few pounds or what. regardless, i played taps, said a few words, a drowned my sorrows in a christmas tree.
this morning--given all that happened yesterday--was a new day! after class i went to the grocery store. i was feeling much better than the previous day and was pretty hungry. so, i bought some chicken, avocados, water, fake meat, craisins... and then my journey brought me to the eggs. i thought eggs in the morning sounded good, so i began my egg hunt. i sifted through all the eggs until i found what seemed to be the best ones. at this time an old woman zoomed up on her jazzy.
i generally pick strange off days and if not off days, off hours to go to the grocery store. this way i avoid the soccer moms. i find soccer moms to be nervous, hurried, and cranky. for the most part i'm cranky too, but soccer moms are cranky in that what-have-i-done-to-my-life sort of way. whereas, college kids are cranky in that can-i-get-on-with-my-life sort of way. so, in avoiding soccer moms i end up shopping with the elderly. now the elderly are scared, slow, and cranky. this causes me pasue, thinking that sometimes i may have a better time with the soccer moms. in as much as, i'd be out the door faster. but i actually prefer the elderly; they are cranky in a way that i can learn from.
i digress, so this woman parks her jazzy at the eggs. i was about to move on to the dairy case when my monica sense began to tingle. i just knew this woman was going to get into some kind trouble. hopefully not a knife fight because i only had the eggs to defend us at the time. so i acted like i cared about an end of aisle impulse buy. sure as the sky is blue until sunset, she got up to look at the eggs, keeping her hand on the jazzy and it's "go" button. this causing her one leg and the half it was attached to to jettison out from under her and the other half hopped along beside. until! i stepped in the way of the 1 mile an hour jazzy and restrained it from moving any further. then i helped her find her perfect carton of eggs.
anyway, yesterday, with in 24 hours i single-handedly managed to kill: 2 raccoons and 1 beta fish (chinese fighting fish, what have you.)
the raccoons were attempting to cross the street i live off, but there is heavy construction going on there (i live in orlando, so, adding that to the sentences is almost unnecessary.) once they got out into the road and into the middle of the street; they were faced with the fact that workers had placed a giant concrete median thing that prevented them from making it completely to the other side. they were stuck. in front of my car. both of them.
the fish simply quit eating after spending the holidays with me and my family. i don't know if my mom was hard on him for gaining a few pounds or what. regardless, i played taps, said a few words, a drowned my sorrows in a christmas tree.
this morning--given all that happened yesterday--was a new day! after class i went to the grocery store. i was feeling much better than the previous day and was pretty hungry. so, i bought some chicken, avocados, water, fake meat, craisins... and then my journey brought me to the eggs. i thought eggs in the morning sounded good, so i began my egg hunt. i sifted through all the eggs until i found what seemed to be the best ones. at this time an old woman zoomed up on her jazzy.
i generally pick strange off days and if not off days, off hours to go to the grocery store. this way i avoid the soccer moms. i find soccer moms to be nervous, hurried, and cranky. for the most part i'm cranky too, but soccer moms are cranky in that what-have-i-done-to-my-life sort of way. whereas, college kids are cranky in that can-i-get-on-with-my-life sort of way. so, in avoiding soccer moms i end up shopping with the elderly. now the elderly are scared, slow, and cranky. this causes me pasue, thinking that sometimes i may have a better time with the soccer moms. in as much as, i'd be out the door faster. but i actually prefer the elderly; they are cranky in a way that i can learn from.
i digress, so this woman parks her jazzy at the eggs. i was about to move on to the dairy case when my monica sense began to tingle. i just knew this woman was going to get into some kind trouble. hopefully not a knife fight because i only had the eggs to defend us at the time. so i acted like i cared about an end of aisle impulse buy. sure as the sky is blue until sunset, she got up to look at the eggs, keeping her hand on the jazzy and it's "go" button. this causing her one leg and the half it was attached to to jettison out from under her and the other half hopped along beside. until! i stepped in the way of the 1 mile an hour jazzy and restrained it from moving any further. then i helped her find her perfect carton of eggs.