GAH I SUCK AT KEEPING MULTIPLE JOURNALS
I really do, I mean I have myspace, greatestjournal, xanga and this thing, so sorry for my lack of updates. I'm human, I'm forgetful, and not many people I know use this thing. Eventhough it's popular amongst stupid scene kids. Katie (MA), Katie Franklin, Floura and Nick Gauthier are currently my reasons for even keeping this thing. Anyways, yeah I'm somewhat broken hearted...still. Three months now and I can't REALLY get over her. What I WANT is to be friends with her, but I can't be. Reading about her making out with some senior, just hurts too fucking much. I mean we're not going out, so technically she's not doing anything wrong. But technicalities hurt...a LOT. She still loves me, and I still love her. But not in the same way. Like, I want her here, she doesn't WANT me. We care for each other, sure, but that's about as far as it is right now. What I'd like is to be friends, single, then she comes here and visits one-in-awhile and I make out with her, heh. I mean, all I WANT is to hold her. But what I WANT falls short of what I EXPECT. And yeah, I need another girl, fast. I need something to matter to me. If I dont matter to myself, then nothing can matter to me. And for me to matter to myself in the first place, I need to have someone else say I matter to them for it to even be considerable enough reason. It's all very complicated, but I just want to be wanted and loved the way I love someone. I need something, because right about now I am a failure. I have no job, and I need it more than ANYONE. My parents aren't paying for my college funds, or my car, the most they're paying for is like HS, then I'm pretty much on my own. I dont do my homework and I REALLY should. But I am SERIOUSLY lazy. I need motivation so I don't drop out. I don't want to end up like BOTH of my parents and pretty much ALL of my family, has never graduated HS. Sad, huh? Apparently, according to Her, I could be so much more, because I'm "smart" and "talented." That's all debatable... I don't know anymore...help me?