(no subject)
i know many of you don't like my boyfriend and don't support me being with him but you are wrong for hating him when you don't even know him. i want to show you why i want him in my life and how he helps me and makes me a better person. so many things stick out about derrick that none of you would see. the first boy i ever kissed with my eyes closed. always opens the door for me. always drove me wherever i needed to go even when he didn't want to. made me smile no matter what. always told me the truth becuase he knew it would help me. chased after me when he didn't have to. made me understand that my past is my past. he deals with me going out of my mind and screaming and yelling at him for no reason. he told me i was beautiful and he meant it. he showed me a side of him that noone else has ever seen. he made and makes me a better person everyday. he opened his family and his home up to me. derrick was the first person who ever told me they were in love with me and meant it. he broke up with me tonight because i'm so focused on the negative part of our relationship. i turn everything around on him and i haven't been accepting him for who he is. he's been respectful and loving and pushes me away when he is mad so he doesnt say hurtful things and becuase he cares. and i get mad because i think he's ignoring me or off cheating. when i know he's not. derrick did cheat on me, but we were across the country from eachother and we can't change the past. i know in my heart that he is the only boy for me. i don't care about school or work or anything. i just want to be with him and i will do whatever it takes to make him happy. i can't be how i am anymore.
all my friends havent supported me. get rid of him. he's going to hurt you. well to be perfectly honest, i've been hurting myself by being friends wiht people who don't love me enough to make decisions on my own. i've been making my boyfriend look so bad when all he does is try and make me happy and loves me. i spend all this money on derrick because i dont know how to show him i love him without it. i don't say very nice things to him. i don't pay attention to him when i could be. im fucking up this whole thing and he's gonna leave me.
coral. he's not nick. he will never be nick. becuase nick never cared or loved me. derrick doesn't do anything like him. he has committed to me and been wiht me when i've gone crazy and punched walls and fought and he's been my best friend when you weren't. whenever we hang out you're hanging out or talking about some stupid boy. i'm not an important friend to you or you would understand that im in love and that he loves me and that i need you to care and help me and not put me down and hurt me.
i don't know what to say anymore. i feel really awful. please don't let me mess this up. i need friends who care about me and want to help me. the only thing i want is my derrick. to be with me and be happy with me. i want to do that so bad for him and i dont know how becuase im so used to treating him like shit. he doesnt deserve any of it. i'm so one sided in our relationship. he needs to love me he needs to come here he needs to make time he needs to do this and that and i never looked at what i was doing or what i needed to change and now its so bad that i am going to lose him. i can't explain to any of you how hard it is to have a boyfriend so far away. he's my best friend and the only person i should trust. and i'm fucking it all up.
please dont leave me. you're all i have.
all my friends havent supported me. get rid of him. he's going to hurt you. well to be perfectly honest, i've been hurting myself by being friends wiht people who don't love me enough to make decisions on my own. i've been making my boyfriend look so bad when all he does is try and make me happy and loves me. i spend all this money on derrick because i dont know how to show him i love him without it. i don't say very nice things to him. i don't pay attention to him when i could be. im fucking up this whole thing and he's gonna leave me.
coral. he's not nick. he will never be nick. becuase nick never cared or loved me. derrick doesn't do anything like him. he has committed to me and been wiht me when i've gone crazy and punched walls and fought and he's been my best friend when you weren't. whenever we hang out you're hanging out or talking about some stupid boy. i'm not an important friend to you or you would understand that im in love and that he loves me and that i need you to care and help me and not put me down and hurt me.
i don't know what to say anymore. i feel really awful. please don't let me mess this up. i need friends who care about me and want to help me. the only thing i want is my derrick. to be with me and be happy with me. i want to do that so bad for him and i dont know how becuase im so used to treating him like shit. he doesnt deserve any of it. i'm so one sided in our relationship. he needs to love me he needs to come here he needs to make time he needs to do this and that and i never looked at what i was doing or what i needed to change and now its so bad that i am going to lose him. i can't explain to any of you how hard it is to have a boyfriend so far away. he's my best friend and the only person i should trust. and i'm fucking it all up.
please dont leave me. you're all i have.