hmm
So I really didn't want to go back to Philly this weekend. My mom saw a mother bear with 2 cubs, she said they were as big as Meeko. They didn't come around when I was in this weekend, but she called me tonight and said they came back. She took a lot of pics. I can't wait to see 'em, I want to see them in person. I had a lot of fun at home and it was good seeing my mom in such good shape finally and thankfully, which is why I didn't want to go back. She is finally herself again, and I want to embrace that.
I've had a lot on my mind lately. Not really bad things actually. I'm trying to be more optimistic about...life...in general. And so far it's working. If I actively force myself to think positively, I can. It's just a matter of not letting all the bad shit cloud my mind. Oftentimes I'm in way too deep and I can't wade out of it, I can't sift through it and see the other side. But I'd say I'm improving. I just have to keep actively retraining my mind until hopefully my subconscious survives on its own.
2 things I've been thinking about. Sorry if they're a little vague, they're things I haven't told anyone, literally anyone, and this is just more for my personal reference than anything else.
1. I know I can do this, I have insane motivation and the will of a bull. It's just a matter of actually doing it. Once I start it will only get easier. I just have to start. A lot of times I have too much shit going on to start. But I know I can do it, because I have before, so now it's time to do it again. Only this time I will be doing it the not-stupid way, it will be slower but more beneficial and I will be happier. I don't want to sacrifice my happiness or hurt myself in the process. I succeeded before, but the way I did was stupid and not the right way of doing it, and I can see that now.
2. I have these feelings that I don't know what to do with. And I'm so glad I talked to my best friend recently who is in a similar situation. It's really, really tough. I love them and hate them at the same time. Love them because they serve as an escape, and I fantasize, and I think about how my life would be different. Hate them because when I get back to reality, I know they're not realistic and pretty implausible. But I'm ok with that. I like to let my mind wander once in a while, as long as it doesn't end up clouding my judgement. But I have good self-control and I am a very self-aware person. I think I'd catch myself before I dove.
Onto less ambiguous stuff.
We had activation for the girls tonight. It was a lot of fun, and I am SO HAPPY with our new batch of girls. They are all extremely extremely dedicated and really down to earth. And my little is adorable, and incredibly nice. She is also from hicksville so it's kinda awesome.
Well I'm gonna go work on a presentation, peace.
I've had a lot on my mind lately. Not really bad things actually. I'm trying to be more optimistic about...life...in general. And so far it's working. If I actively force myself to think positively, I can. It's just a matter of not letting all the bad shit cloud my mind. Oftentimes I'm in way too deep and I can't wade out of it, I can't sift through it and see the other side. But I'd say I'm improving. I just have to keep actively retraining my mind until hopefully my subconscious survives on its own.
2 things I've been thinking about. Sorry if they're a little vague, they're things I haven't told anyone, literally anyone, and this is just more for my personal reference than anything else.
1. I know I can do this, I have insane motivation and the will of a bull. It's just a matter of actually doing it. Once I start it will only get easier. I just have to start. A lot of times I have too much shit going on to start. But I know I can do it, because I have before, so now it's time to do it again. Only this time I will be doing it the not-stupid way, it will be slower but more beneficial and I will be happier. I don't want to sacrifice my happiness or hurt myself in the process. I succeeded before, but the way I did was stupid and not the right way of doing it, and I can see that now.
2. I have these feelings that I don't know what to do with. And I'm so glad I talked to my best friend recently who is in a similar situation. It's really, really tough. I love them and hate them at the same time. Love them because they serve as an escape, and I fantasize, and I think about how my life would be different. Hate them because when I get back to reality, I know they're not realistic and pretty implausible. But I'm ok with that. I like to let my mind wander once in a while, as long as it doesn't end up clouding my judgement. But I have good self-control and I am a very self-aware person. I think I'd catch myself before I dove.
Onto less ambiguous stuff.
We had activation for the girls tonight. It was a lot of fun, and I am SO HAPPY with our new batch of girls. They are all extremely extremely dedicated and really down to earth. And my little is adorable, and incredibly nice. She is also from hicksville so it's kinda awesome.
Well I'm gonna go work on a presentation, peace.