Things I long to remember...
I'm not sure about anything anymore. Two months ago I was sure I was going to move to Rhode Island, all part of some silly dream I fed myself to miss her less. One month ago I was sure I was going to move by the beginning of the year and live oh so happily somewhere that wasnt Ohio, but also not near enough to her to see her often. Two weeks ago I was sure I would be happy forever no matter what I did. And this morning I'm simply at a loss for what I'm sure of. And as I sit here trying to write and think and type and convey what I'm thinking, my brain is going in five different directions. On the one hand, I'm sad that my fairy tale will never be. I will never get the happy ending I dreamed of. But on the other hand I know that there are other happy endings out there for me. But on the other hand I think I'll never get out of Cincinnati alive. Then on the other hand I'm happy, content with my current situation and the way things are going. But on the other hand.... Now I just have too many hands and I'm not sure what is where or what I'm thinking. NO MORE. But honestly, my brain is more conflicted right now than it has been for a while. And I just dont know where I'm going or what I'm doing. And I'll have to just keep going until I figure it all out. But I hate that.