(no subject)
i haven't gotten shampoo in my eye since middle school. and i remember that day when i did (i'm sorry, i realize this is kind of ridiculous, but hopefully you can bear with me). i didn't used to take showers in the morning, so i got up early that morning and was soo tired but had to take a shower because i hadn't had time the night before. so, being tired, i somehow let the shampoo drip into my eye and it killed until about my second class of the day. that was the same day that i got gum stuck in my hair and cut it out, and also the same day that i had some stupid embarassing middle school boy/girl interaction which resulted in a lot of boys making fun of poor little me. i don't even remember the details, i just remember walking home with bridget after school and telling her about how horrible my day that started out with shampoo in the eye was.
so this morning. first of all, college is going.. interestingly. i always wanted this independence. as you may or may not know, i am not a big party/heavy drinking kind of gal. the suite i'm in is pretty chill, i get along with everyone and my roommate is so sweet. yet, they all drink and go out a lot, which, in the beginning of school, is kind of hard/weird to deal with because since i haven't found my niche of people to just chill with, i'm feeling the pressure to drink and go out with them. they're cool people, they really are, and i've actually told them about how i don't have to drink to have a good time and they all actually responded really well and said that was really cool that i wasn't into that. however, i've been getting randomly upset and wanting to go home, though there is nothing at home for me (besides daryl, whom i try not to write too much about in this journal, but i miss so much more than i ever thought i would).
my roomie and i. :)
so i spoke to leslie, my parents and my RA today, who all had some good words of encouragement. for one thing, i can't replace my friends from home. just add to them. and don't expect to make a best friend in a day, because it doesn't work like that. also, my RA told me that she went through similar things last year, which actually made me feel so much less alone, because she's the first person on campus who has admitted to me that she had the same problems. i feel like so many people from home are like "yeah me too", but it is hard to find anyone here who has encouraging words to get through this. so, she said that i've been doing the right thing, going to club meetings and such, and that i don't have to go out to bars and parties and i should control what i can. i can't control my surroundings, i can't control other people, only myself. so, i am trying to gain more independence by getting into my schoolwork, and hopefully getting more into my art and health as well. it's okay not to have a group of friends just yet. it's okay to feel anxious. i just don't want to let these things get the best of me, because as everyone is telling me, i know that i am strong enough to do this. one of my friends from class told me she loves to meditate and i think that would be an interesting thing to take up. it's time to yourself, time to relax, and that's what i really need right now. i can control how i am even in hard situations.
again, i don't like to write about my relationships online, but i feel that in order to explain my whole college experience, i ahve to explain this. daryl is the most wonderful person i could ever hope to be with, and i am so glad to have him as my safety net. i look forward to calling him every night, whether to tell him good or bad things. i love having a good day so i can tell him all about it, and i can hear about his as well. i went home the 2nd weekend i was here because i had a sweet 16, and it was the most amazing weekend i have had with him in such a long time. i know that the time apart is good for us. we spent all summer together, and my anxieties about school and leaving made things a bit rough, but we made it through. just knowing that he's still with me after seeing me at my worst, i really trust him more and have more faith in us. if anything, my negative experiences only make he and i stronger together. :)
so, i've been hanging out a lot with eleanor and her roommate, so i am starting to find my group of people to chill with a little bit. kristin is awesome, we have a lot in common. we got a fish, who sadly died, thanks to eleanor's suitemate who put a tropical fish next to the freezing window! RIP dusty. <333