(no subject)
okay so last night i talked to matt about what had happened. and told him right out that i meant everything i said in my livejournal and that i wasnt trying to hide anything from him. i also told him that regardless of everything thats in there, my feelings for him havent changed.
so then he completely blind sided me and said the only thing he had read was the part about wanting to get married and have kids with aaron in the future.
i was just like oh crap... I COMPLETELY forgot about that entry.
Murphys Law - If things can get worse, they WILL.
So I explained to him that I didnt feel that way anymore, and that I wrote that entry that night that we had a fight about my niece jenesis, and that brought up old feelings with aaron. i also told him that i cant picture us being married, and having kids. But i thought that maybe that was because this relationship is just starting, and that also because ive seen the way he is with a baby, hes not very good at all lol but thats cuz hes just new to it. and also that hes a very needy person, wants my attention all of the time, if we had kids together in the future....it would be like that night at the cheesecake factory over and over and over again everyday. I dont know how he'd handle it. I know i could absolutly handle it. I love my niece Jen, and if my kids turn out exactly like her i'll have kids till I die.
I also told him that my feelings for aaron had changed. I had read something in his myspace that just completely COMPLETELY made everything different, and that my feelings for him werent what i thought they were. They were just old. probably just brought back that night with jen. I told him about how my mom and i talked about that entry too. and she said that there could always be a place in my heart for aaron, because he was my first everything, but that she really doubts i still feel that way about him because of the way i feel about matt. she said i wouldnt have involved myself so much with matt, or feel so strongly about him, if really in my heart what i wanted was aaron. so she said its just my mind playing tricks with me and that everything would get worked out.
i hope shes right
so hopefully now that i have that off my chest I can go back to sleep now because it was keeping me up.
night love
x0x0
*kaylah*
so then he completely blind sided me and said the only thing he had read was the part about wanting to get married and have kids with aaron in the future.
i was just like oh crap... I COMPLETELY forgot about that entry.
Murphys Law - If things can get worse, they WILL.
So I explained to him that I didnt feel that way anymore, and that I wrote that entry that night that we had a fight about my niece jenesis, and that brought up old feelings with aaron. i also told him that i cant picture us being married, and having kids. But i thought that maybe that was because this relationship is just starting, and that also because ive seen the way he is with a baby, hes not very good at all lol but thats cuz hes just new to it. and also that hes a very needy person, wants my attention all of the time, if we had kids together in the future....it would be like that night at the cheesecake factory over and over and over again everyday. I dont know how he'd handle it. I know i could absolutly handle it. I love my niece Jen, and if my kids turn out exactly like her i'll have kids till I die.
I also told him that my feelings for aaron had changed. I had read something in his myspace that just completely COMPLETELY made everything different, and that my feelings for him werent what i thought they were. They were just old. probably just brought back that night with jen. I told him about how my mom and i talked about that entry too. and she said that there could always be a place in my heart for aaron, because he was my first everything, but that she really doubts i still feel that way about him because of the way i feel about matt. she said i wouldnt have involved myself so much with matt, or feel so strongly about him, if really in my heart what i wanted was aaron. so she said its just my mind playing tricks with me and that everything would get worked out.
i hope shes right
so hopefully now that i have that off my chest I can go back to sleep now because it was keeping me up.
night love
x0x0
*kaylah*