(no subject)
Egh...
I dont even know if i WANNA update...but i feel as though i should. everyones been slacking lately, and we all been telling each other to update, yet noone has. so maybe if i update, some other people will.
cough courtney matt peter cough
I think that was a bit much to fit inbetween the whole old school coughing prank but eh, whatever.
UPDATE YOUR JOURNAL BITCHES!!!
There, that works a little better.
so yeah what has been going on lately...
literally a whole lot of nothing...
im not joking
its sad really.
winter time sucks
everyone just stays home all the time
theres nothing to do
its like everyones hibernating
so boring
Havent gone to see courtney yet. Im kicking myself in the ass for that one. Im really not kidding. I would have gone a lot sooner, buuttt SOMEONE had to bail out on me. And by "someone" i do mean EVERYONE
So then I contemplated making the 10 hour drive by myself...
could i do it?
absolutly not
so now i have to wait till i can find someone to go down there with me.
and its definitly not gonna john matt OR chris
im not relying on you guys anymore
chris just up and decided he didnt want to go, which is fine, i had a feeling he wasnt gonna go
john couldnt come up with any money to go down there with, which is fine, whatever guy
matt...matt knew i was looking forward to this...and what does he do...he goes and makes plans that he "cant break" on the same goddamn day we're supposed to go to virginia. which by the way, his plans never happened anyway. so of course i was pissed too.
whatev kid
soon courtney, soon.
just got a job at olive garden. pretty damn spiffy. hopefully i'll be making good money. ugh i hope so. because if im not making enough money to afford an apartment and pay my bills, then AGAIN i'll have to switch jobs. im so tired of switching jobs. really i am. i guess it would help if i had a high school diploma, maybe id have more options. but i havent come across any jobs yet that say i cant work there without a diploma. except for cox communications. which is just a job where you sit at a desk and call people all goddamn day. a telemarketer. not fun. thats not what i want to do anyway.
i want to keep working in the restaurant business.
i want to go to school for business management.
i want to have my own bar with a restaurant in it.
i want to be a manager again.
i want the place to be a success.
i want to make enough money so i dont have to worry about HOW im gonna pay rent.
i want to have an apartment NOT in the ghetto
i want lots of windows
i want two HUGE dogs
i want a backyard for them
i want my truck to be fixed
i want my truck to go into park without me kicking it
i want to always be able to keep my truck washed without having to decide if thats how i want to spend my last 10 dollars.
i want to stop taking charity from my parents
i want to earn my own money
i want to have good credit instead of bad credit
i want the bank to stop fucking me over
i want my little sister to be happy again
i want her to talk to my mom everyone once in a while
i want her to stop desperatly avoiding our dad all the time
i want my mom to find a better boyfriend
i want her boyfriend to have hair on his head instead of being bald
i really REALLY want my little sister to be happy again...
i want my older sister to ditch her selfish cheating boyfriend. even though he IS the father of her baby
i want her to realize shes better off without him. he does nothing to support them anyway
but she thinks she'll go broke... what EXACTLY is he paying for now? nothing... cant go broke from nothing
i want to go back to high school and get a REAL diploma, not some crappy GED, but i cant. I have to work to pay rent and bills. living with my parents isnt an option anymore.
i want so many things...and i feel like theyre so far away from getting.
i talked to aaron the other day about how we've always said that if by 25 we're not married...we'd know what we were waiting around for, and we'd get married. i can still see us having a family together. not a big one, but a family none the less. a nice apartment, good jobs, and a baby girl. just like when we hang out on saturdays with jenisis. so ive been thinking about something lately, and i know i probably shouldnt put it in here, god knows who reads it, and i guess it could probably cause quite a catastraphy by saying it...but its just how i FEEL. and i want to be able to vent in here without people having heart attacks.
so i'll give it a try and see what the outcome is. so after me and aaron were talking about what could happen in a few years, i called my mom, shes always been the best listener and i needed to ask her something. i asked her if it was wrong for me to always know that aaron is gonna be the one i marry and have kids with somewhere down the line. i asked if it was wrong for me to be with matt, or anyone for that matter, but still in the back of my mind KNOW that aaron is the only person i want to have kids with. she said that there could always be a place in my heart for aaron, but that she wasnt sure if it was bad for me to feel that way.
i think it might be. i think it might even be an even worse thing than im expecting it to be. yeah matt and i are together, and no i dont know whats gonna happen down the line, and yeah we've talked about marriage and kids in the future, but i dont go misleading him saying oh youre the one im gonna marry and i want to have kids with you. how the hell do i know what im gonna do in 7 years. i really dont, but right now, and for the past 2 years ive had my mind set on WHO i wanted all of that to be with. and even now, 10 months after breaking up, after all our ups and downs, hes STILL the person i want to share that with. the ONLY person.
so yeah, maybe it IS wrong for me to feel that way...but maybe that'll all change too.
like i said, how do i know.... i dont.
xoxo
*_kaylah_*
I dont even know if i WANNA update...but i feel as though i should. everyones been slacking lately, and we all been telling each other to update, yet noone has. so maybe if i update, some other people will.
cough courtney matt peter cough
I think that was a bit much to fit inbetween the whole old school coughing prank but eh, whatever.
UPDATE YOUR JOURNAL BITCHES!!!
There, that works a little better.
so yeah what has been going on lately...
literally a whole lot of nothing...
im not joking
its sad really.
winter time sucks
everyone just stays home all the time
theres nothing to do
its like everyones hibernating
so boring
Havent gone to see courtney yet. Im kicking myself in the ass for that one. Im really not kidding. I would have gone a lot sooner, buuttt SOMEONE had to bail out on me. And by "someone" i do mean EVERYONE
So then I contemplated making the 10 hour drive by myself...
could i do it?
absolutly not
so now i have to wait till i can find someone to go down there with me.
and its definitly not gonna john matt OR chris
im not relying on you guys anymore
chris just up and decided he didnt want to go, which is fine, i had a feeling he wasnt gonna go
john couldnt come up with any money to go down there with, which is fine, whatever guy
matt...matt knew i was looking forward to this...and what does he do...he goes and makes plans that he "cant break" on the same goddamn day we're supposed to go to virginia. which by the way, his plans never happened anyway. so of course i was pissed too.
whatev kid
soon courtney, soon.
just got a job at olive garden. pretty damn spiffy. hopefully i'll be making good money. ugh i hope so. because if im not making enough money to afford an apartment and pay my bills, then AGAIN i'll have to switch jobs. im so tired of switching jobs. really i am. i guess it would help if i had a high school diploma, maybe id have more options. but i havent come across any jobs yet that say i cant work there without a diploma. except for cox communications. which is just a job where you sit at a desk and call people all goddamn day. a telemarketer. not fun. thats not what i want to do anyway.
i want to keep working in the restaurant business.
i want to go to school for business management.
i want to have my own bar with a restaurant in it.
i want to be a manager again.
i want the place to be a success.
i want to make enough money so i dont have to worry about HOW im gonna pay rent.
i want to have an apartment NOT in the ghetto
i want lots of windows
i want two HUGE dogs
i want a backyard for them
i want my truck to be fixed
i want my truck to go into park without me kicking it
i want to always be able to keep my truck washed without having to decide if thats how i want to spend my last 10 dollars.
i want to stop taking charity from my parents
i want to earn my own money
i want to have good credit instead of bad credit
i want the bank to stop fucking me over
i want my little sister to be happy again
i want her to talk to my mom everyone once in a while
i want her to stop desperatly avoiding our dad all the time
i want my mom to find a better boyfriend
i want her boyfriend to have hair on his head instead of being bald
i really REALLY want my little sister to be happy again...
i want my older sister to ditch her selfish cheating boyfriend. even though he IS the father of her baby
i want her to realize shes better off without him. he does nothing to support them anyway
but she thinks she'll go broke... what EXACTLY is he paying for now? nothing... cant go broke from nothing
i want to go back to high school and get a REAL diploma, not some crappy GED, but i cant. I have to work to pay rent and bills. living with my parents isnt an option anymore.
i want so many things...and i feel like theyre so far away from getting.
i talked to aaron the other day about how we've always said that if by 25 we're not married...we'd know what we were waiting around for, and we'd get married. i can still see us having a family together. not a big one, but a family none the less. a nice apartment, good jobs, and a baby girl. just like when we hang out on saturdays with jenisis. so ive been thinking about something lately, and i know i probably shouldnt put it in here, god knows who reads it, and i guess it could probably cause quite a catastraphy by saying it...but its just how i FEEL. and i want to be able to vent in here without people having heart attacks.
so i'll give it a try and see what the outcome is. so after me and aaron were talking about what could happen in a few years, i called my mom, shes always been the best listener and i needed to ask her something. i asked her if it was wrong for me to always know that aaron is gonna be the one i marry and have kids with somewhere down the line. i asked if it was wrong for me to be with matt, or anyone for that matter, but still in the back of my mind KNOW that aaron is the only person i want to have kids with. she said that there could always be a place in my heart for aaron, but that she wasnt sure if it was bad for me to feel that way.
i think it might be. i think it might even be an even worse thing than im expecting it to be. yeah matt and i are together, and no i dont know whats gonna happen down the line, and yeah we've talked about marriage and kids in the future, but i dont go misleading him saying oh youre the one im gonna marry and i want to have kids with you. how the hell do i know what im gonna do in 7 years. i really dont, but right now, and for the past 2 years ive had my mind set on WHO i wanted all of that to be with. and even now, 10 months after breaking up, after all our ups and downs, hes STILL the person i want to share that with. the ONLY person.
so yeah, maybe it IS wrong for me to feel that way...but maybe that'll all change too.
like i said, how do i know.... i dont.
xoxo
*_kaylah_*