my heart is broken
okay this is really ridiculous. I don't understand any of this at all. I attempted to go to cedric's parents house last night and I walked into their house cause they left the door unlocked and I tried to talk to cedric, and he just completely shut me out. He kept closing doors in my face and finally he went outside and got in his van and drove around the block to just get rid of me. Who the hell does this to someone after spending 4 years of their life together?
he's doing all of this at the worst time of the year. right before the holidays. not to mention my mom had to skip a trip to orlando this weekend to see my dying grandmother because she was concerned with me getting rides to and from work so I wouldn't lose my job being that cedric went to his parents house. and to think! my mom is moving in a matter of days with her boyfriend to a brand new condo and I don't want to go live with them because they didn't plan on me living with them not to mention it's too far from my job. so where does that leave me? he doesn't stop to think about these things. Even when I seperated from him for a few weeks I still answered his calls and gave him the chance to talk to me. but he isn't even giving me the same respect. how is that fair? I wasn't as harsh as he is being to me.
I'm also not eatting. I didn't eat all day yesterday and I attempted to eat last night and it took all that I had in me to chew up the food and swallow it cause my body was rejecting the food. I kept gagging when I swallowed it. I can't keep going on like this cause now it's affecting my health. I really fricken love this man. I really do. I've been thinking of so many things I could do to make it better, but when it comes down to it in the end, I have no control over anything. the ball is in his court. I think that's what is making me the most upset.
he literally has taken my heart out of my chest, stomped on it, and handed it back to me. I just hope that I can give it back to him and next time he'll heal it.
he's doing all of this at the worst time of the year. right before the holidays. not to mention my mom had to skip a trip to orlando this weekend to see my dying grandmother because she was concerned with me getting rides to and from work so I wouldn't lose my job being that cedric went to his parents house. and to think! my mom is moving in a matter of days with her boyfriend to a brand new condo and I don't want to go live with them because they didn't plan on me living with them not to mention it's too far from my job. so where does that leave me? he doesn't stop to think about these things. Even when I seperated from him for a few weeks I still answered his calls and gave him the chance to talk to me. but he isn't even giving me the same respect. how is that fair? I wasn't as harsh as he is being to me.
I'm also not eatting. I didn't eat all day yesterday and I attempted to eat last night and it took all that I had in me to chew up the food and swallow it cause my body was rejecting the food. I kept gagging when I swallowed it. I can't keep going on like this cause now it's affecting my health. I really fricken love this man. I really do. I've been thinking of so many things I could do to make it better, but when it comes down to it in the end, I have no control over anything. the ball is in his court. I think that's what is making me the most upset.
he literally has taken my heart out of my chest, stomped on it, and handed it back to me. I just hope that I can give it back to him and next time he'll heal it.