really down in the dumps
i'm really upset today. all day I've been trying to look at the brighter side of life, but I just can't do it. I'm in one of those really sad moods. sapo and I have been fighting all day. there are a lot of things that are going on in our relationship that need to be addressed and taken care of. we are both guilty of things, but at least I'm willing to come forward and say "listen we have a problem and we need to fix it" he'd just rather let it keep boiling up until it explodes and becomes a far worse problem. it's all really a lack of communication. where as I very much want to really talk to him one on one and find out from eachother what we BOTH can do to fix things, but it's like pulling teeth with him to get him to have a one on one serious discussion. I think he is just so stressed out from our whole situation and he doesn't feel like talking cause it will stress him out even more. our van is still not fixed and it's going to be twice as hard now for rides to work because I now have a job and my mom will have to drive BOTH of us to work. I just want everything to fricken get better already. I feel like we're backed into a corner right now and have no way of getting out of it.
and me and my mom went to go see about that lovely apartment I found yesterday, and it's a 4-6 month waiting period for one and it's not even guranteed to you at that point! I was soooo let down. I usually don't let things like that get me this down, but I even started crying. not a hysterical cry, but a silent tensing up in my throat and chest tears falling down my face kinda cry. one where you just want to scream but you are so upset that you don't have the energy to scream. I know there will be other places, but this one offered everything to us! low rent, close location to our jobs, allows animals, and big nice place. for once I had my mind set on something that I was willing to save my money for and make sure we did what we had to do to get the place, and it crumbled in front of me again. I just feel like me and sapo are on this never ending streak of being unhappy and unaccomplished of ANYTHING. I'm tired of all this shit. I really am.
I'm waiting for the day we can be happy.
and this totally killed my good vibe because I gotta start my first official day of work tomorrow with all this stuff on my mind. When will this all end?
and me and my mom went to go see about that lovely apartment I found yesterday, and it's a 4-6 month waiting period for one and it's not even guranteed to you at that point! I was soooo let down. I usually don't let things like that get me this down, but I even started crying. not a hysterical cry, but a silent tensing up in my throat and chest tears falling down my face kinda cry. one where you just want to scream but you are so upset that you don't have the energy to scream. I know there will be other places, but this one offered everything to us! low rent, close location to our jobs, allows animals, and big nice place. for once I had my mind set on something that I was willing to save my money for and make sure we did what we had to do to get the place, and it crumbled in front of me again. I just feel like me and sapo are on this never ending streak of being unhappy and unaccomplished of ANYTHING. I'm tired of all this shit. I really am.
I'm waiting for the day we can be happy.
and this totally killed my good vibe because I gotta start my first official day of work tomorrow with all this stuff on my mind. When will this all end?