to you
To you:
Today my heart stopped beating. For a brief moment life was stiffled within me and then came breath and then it stopped once more. Suffocating from the inside.
And I've been thinking about how maybe all along I've been in love with idea of You; falling silently (with a grin). I never pretend to not pretend.
But the way you shrug your shoulders, the tone of your voice when you smile, the stupid hair, the ugly ears, the way you try to hide your innate kindness, those eyes, and the way you say my name. All of this I know well; not enough. I miss it too much, too much of the time.
But I am a girl who's in love with the world and I have grown accostumed to missing people; their brillant details, their unconscious beauty brought to life by the mundane, accentuated by the dark. It's nothing new, really, just completely.
But maybe I should have told You; maybe I shouldn't have never let myself know it.
Today as I drove (3:11) I was proud and elated, confused and dissappointed, that my stomach did not flop-side-twist. The patter of my heart was consistant. Its: over. Over. Yes, done. But of course, all day it was a question of sacrifice or stretch; drive down, no reason but to see you, missed something about you (or was it You?). And of course, it was nothing (as it always is).
And even if I couldn't look at you then, I'll tell you now that there's a shadowy feeling where your arms would slip into mine and theres the same feeling on the nape of my neck where I feel your eyes. Yes, I'm in love with the idea of You, but won't you let me keep just a part of you?
Words unsaid hurt me. Words unsaid hurt a girl who is so vulnerable. Did you know that? I am so small. I hope somewhere you began to know.
I should just tell you how blue your eyes are. Once. Slip it in, laugh, and the of course quit my job and run away. It would be worth it. At this point in time everything seems worth it.
But I won't. Probably won't. In my head a thousand times but I won't.
The words will never roll off my tongue so my heart will keep on stopping mid-breath. There are too many words unspoken and unwritten; thick and heavy, kept on the tip of my tongue, restraining my breath.
I've O.D.ed on too much good music and moments where I've realized the beauty of things. I have too much spring rain in my pores. But I'll never say I didn't want it like this. It's the tear between wanting this all to go away but realizing at the same time, there are fews things I want more. I just want to linger, totter, and tip.
Today my heart stopped beating. For a brief moment life was stiffled within me and then came breath and then it stopped once more. Suffocating from the inside.
And I've been thinking about how maybe all along I've been in love with idea of You; falling silently (with a grin). I never pretend to not pretend.
But the way you shrug your shoulders, the tone of your voice when you smile, the stupid hair, the ugly ears, the way you try to hide your innate kindness, those eyes, and the way you say my name. All of this I know well; not enough. I miss it too much, too much of the time.
But I am a girl who's in love with the world and I have grown accostumed to missing people; their brillant details, their unconscious beauty brought to life by the mundane, accentuated by the dark. It's nothing new, really, just completely.
But maybe I should have told You; maybe I shouldn't have never let myself know it.
Today as I drove (3:11) I was proud and elated, confused and dissappointed, that my stomach did not flop-side-twist. The patter of my heart was consistant. Its: over. Over. Yes, done. But of course, all day it was a question of sacrifice or stretch; drive down, no reason but to see you, missed something about you (or was it You?). And of course, it was nothing (as it always is).
And even if I couldn't look at you then, I'll tell you now that there's a shadowy feeling where your arms would slip into mine and theres the same feeling on the nape of my neck where I feel your eyes. Yes, I'm in love with the idea of You, but won't you let me keep just a part of you?
Words unsaid hurt me. Words unsaid hurt a girl who is so vulnerable. Did you know that? I am so small. I hope somewhere you began to know.
I should just tell you how blue your eyes are. Once. Slip it in, laugh, and the of course quit my job and run away. It would be worth it. At this point in time everything seems worth it.
But I won't. Probably won't. In my head a thousand times but I won't.
The words will never roll off my tongue so my heart will keep on stopping mid-breath. There are too many words unspoken and unwritten; thick and heavy, kept on the tip of my tongue, restraining my breath.
I've O.D.ed on too much good music and moments where I've realized the beauty of things. I have too much spring rain in my pores. But I'll never say I didn't want it like this. It's the tear between wanting this all to go away but realizing at the same time, there are fews things I want more. I just want to linger, totter, and tip.